Many of us fixate on love out of fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of missing out. Fear of feeling worthless. We’re so eager to find a lifeboat to cling to. We waste time on mediocre, meaningless relationships instead of cultivating an abundant lifestyle to make ourselves happy.
A dating app isn’t the answer to your stress or helplessness. The sooner you internalize this concept, the quicker you stop relying on someone else to make or break your life. A partner will enhance your world, but they’re not your universe.
Relationships narrow your world
In the two years with my ex, I disconnected from all of my friends. My ambitions faded. The passion for traveling, meet people, and experience new things eventually became nonexistent. The highlight of my day was waiting for my ex to return home from work. Her energetic personality took away all of my stress and worries. She changed my world. She was my world.
You probably know a friend you regularly hang out with who goes ghost-mode after meeting a boyfriend/girlfriend. They don’t seem interested in meeting up. They never have time for group activities anymore. All wrapped up with their romantic relationship. They’ve given up on the world to attend to their love life.
The comfort of a relationship leads to laziness, lack of adventure, and minimal curiosity. But a partner is supposed to add to your life, not reduce it. No matter how much you’re in love with someone, you shouldn’t compromise your own life. Set your eyesight higher than dating.
You need self-love more than romantic love
The less self-worth you have, the more you crave a partner. But by now, you have learned how unreliable it is to place our sense of self and happiness in a relationship. Yet, you continue to take the easier route. You swipe, scratch, crawl for someone to comfort you in low moments. How about you just take a step back? Because when you become emotionally sufficient, meaning you don’t need a relationship to feel okay about who you are, you’ll have enough patience to seek quality relationships as opposed to settling for anything you could get your hands on.
Feeling good about yourself is solely your responsibility. Relationships are merely a temporary escape. Sometimes, they benefit you less than the emotional and mental toll it takes on you. Once you figure out how to become emotionally independent, once you build your career/social circle/hobbies, a partner will become a portion of your life, not the top priority.
You have less leverage in a relationship
When your partner comes before all other aspects of your life, they likely aren’t thankful but entitled. You’re more afraid of losing them than they’re of losing you. Your power? Gone.
To keep your partner on their toes and have them appreciate what you offer to their life, let them know that you have plenty of things going on outside of the relationship. If at any moment they mistreat you, you’ll be ready to walk away. You’re playing with house money.
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You can be a high-value person who deserves quality relationships. At the same time, understanding that romance is only a part of your life, not your entire life. The people who set relationships as their first priority seem desperate, codependent, and lacking self-esteem. You’re better than that.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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