You’re not 20 anymore. You are long out of college and maybe long out of your last serious relationship. Unattached people are not milling about in every building you enter, and when you stand at the check-out line, the people within a decade of your age all have wedding rings, babies, or both. But do you also know that more than 50% of the adult population of the United States is single? How do you find the one for you?
If you are wondering about getting back in the game…. What do you do? Many people I know are 90% concept and only 10% action. If you do a little visualizing of that great date, a smiling face, a glass of wine… then turn on Monday night football or curl up with the latest issue of Vanity Fair and forget about it for awhile, you probably are not moving forward too quickly. Maybe exhaustion strikes just thinking about dating again. Maybe your unbounded optimism stops short of action. Maybe you practice magical thinking—aka that love should just “happen”… and will if it is “meant to.”
If any of the above is true for you, don’t feel bad. We’ve all been there. But being in a relationship doesn’t just “happen” and while visualizing is a super thing to do and part of manifesting what you want, it’s only the beginning. So put down your magazine and get with the program.
You deserve love, and you are worthy of it. That is not in question. You are fabulous and there is someone out there who is going to adore your fabulousness. But he or she won’t just materialize in your living room.
Here are four ideas to hold fast to as you approach the important and meaningful task of finding your true love without exhaustion, angst, or anxiety.
1. It’s a job.
Face that fact and move on. Imagine you have a part-time job that you do in the evenings and on weekends. Only it doesn’t pay you in cash, but in anticipated rewards. There is no monetary value that can be put on finding happiness so chalk up the hours dedicated to this job as an investment in your future. As with any job, it will be much easier if you try to enjoy it. The better you get at it, the more satisfaction it will yield.
2. Physical investment.
This means it will take actual time out of your day. You have to do things, not just think about doing them. Decide what must go. An hour of sleep? An hour of gardening? An hour of Grand Theft Auto? Take time to create your profile, manage your messages, screen and sort, make dates… GO ON dates.
3. Emotional commitment to the process.
In other words, be prepared to open yourself to what comes. Not every online chat will be fun. Not every first date can be meaningful. You will drink many cups of coffee with nice (sometimes boring, sometimes wacky) people you’ll never see again. That can be exhausting if you let it be. Rather, try to let these passing moments energize your commitment to the search. That’s one more man or woman who is not the one for you, and one closer to finding the person who is. Approach each meeting with no expectations but with a heart open to any kind of wonderful outcome.
4. Energetic openness.
Along with the physical investment of getting serious about your online profile, contacting a dating coach, or hiring a matchmaker, prepare your energetic field for a successful campaign. Create and say affirmations daily—phrases that will focus you positively on your desired state of being and outcome. I am a beautiful and desirable partner. I open myself to love. I align myself with the possibility of transformation. My love awaits me. I welcome my beloved into my mind and heart. These alone will not do the heavy lifting, but they do create a receptive energetic field in which to welcome love. Meditate, journal, manifest.
Obviously, I see my clients undergoing this process daily. Days become weeks which become months. It’s not a race, but it is a sustained effort. No one is keeping score of how many first dates you’ve been on—and you shouldn’t either. So you kiss a few frogs? No harm, no foul. Every day take time to smile at yourself in the mirror and ask, “Who will cross my path today?”
Whoever it is, you’re ready.
Previously published on Be Free to Love
Photo: Getty Images