The damage done by the Sexual Chemistry Attraction Myth is hard to pinpoint or measure. Like any good hustle, it comes in apparent peace. It slips into our lives coated in sugar and spice, promising pleasure. It puts the kibosh on women’s desire insidiously and mostly outside of their conscious awareness, slowly, gradually and cumulatively shutting women down from within. Wait, it says. Sit still. Look pretty. And men feel it, too. The pressure to get it right, to perform, to be the One. To be mind-reading, highly-attuned, erotic magicians.
Women’s reasons for wanting more desire in their lives are subjective and personal. They want to connect with their spouses. They feel lonely, stressed, disembodied. They want to feel more alive. Whatever a woman’s reasons, accessing sexual desire has revolutionary implications for women. Power is an important by-product of desire: the more entitled you feel to experience your desires and act on them, the more access you have to a sense of purpose and self-worth.
Desire Shapes Our Sense of Self
Historically, women’s desire has been viewed as shameful, dangerous or sinful. Men’s desire, on the other hand, has been valued and encouraged. This culturally dictated relationship to desire has shaped how women’s issues are represented in legislation, politics, education, business, culture, medicine and other spheres of human interest and influence. As a woman, when you deepen your connection to your own eroticism, it’s a step towards counterbalancing the lopsided values of a culture that represses the feminine in both genders. As human beings, few things shape our sense of self more powerfully than our capacity to actively desire.
We buy into the SCAM™ every day when we blame ourselves for our low-desire or expect someone else to teach us who we are erotically through their sexual chemistry magic. We buy into it when we blame our husbands or wives or non-gender-binary partners for our low desire and expect erotic salvation to arrive from someone or something outside of us.
Endless Sweet Contradictory Nothings
The Sexual Chemistry Attraction Myth is all around us, embedded in our collective psyches, whispering in our ear its endless sweet contradictory nothings: you deserve more, but only when you’re lucky enough, pretty enough, perfect enough, thin enough, accomplished enough, wife enough, mother enough or good enough. You’re missing out, so try harder. There’s someone better for you out there than the partner who’s trying to love you now. The right person will come along one day and give you the pleasure you’ve never allowed yourself to feel. Your long wait will pay off as long as you keep waiting and believing.
The SCAM™ shafts, hoses, and hornswoggles women across the country and many parts of the world. It also swindles the spouses who want to love them and be loved by them. It has woven itself into the fabric of some of our most closely held beliefs about desire, gender, sexuality and attraction.
Women and men are paying the price. As with any scam, stopping it starts with seeing it.
Photo: Pixabay
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