Are You Ready to Cheat?

“I’m thinking about dipping a toe.”
“I can’t get it off my mind.”
“I think I’m ready.”

Are you really ready to cheat?

I’m going to be blunt — if you are questioning yourself, you aren’t ready. Nope. You are on the fence.

Not until this is the last option. And, I mean LAST. The one final trigger that will detonate your life.

Are you ready for that? The stakes are high. You have to be at a point where this “lifestyle” is the only choice left. For your sanity. For your self-esteem. For you.

And if it all blows up, you would be OK with it.

Debating is not ready. It shows that you think you have control and you don’t. The universe is going to laugh at your hubris. Or, as I like to say, the Adultery Gods will toy with you.

I wasn’t ready when I was eating my way through endless chip bags wallowing in self-pity. I wasn’t ready when a single guy came knocking. I still wasn’t ready until I was kissed and felt passion for the first time in a decade.

For me, it was a switch — a mental thing. I decided to please myself. No more deprivation in a dead bedroom. No more suffering and no more pretending.

“Fuck it. I’m going for it,” I whispered to myself.

I was ready to get naked in the daylight with someone new.

I made many mistakes along the way, which is why I started writing. I needed a place to vent — someone, anyone, to understand. Not judge me for my moral lapses, not scold me, not out me, but to listen.

“What should I do about guilt?” you say.

If you asking this question, you are already fucked (and not in the way you want). Dwelling on guilt even before doing any misdeeds is going to backfire miserably. Save your future hypothetical affair partner the anguish. Please.

You are why I avoid first-timers like the plague.

Guilt is not part of my repertoire. I’m over it. Yes, I’m not girly— I fully admit. I can be “man-like” in my affairing. I can separate out my emotions like a boss.

It’s time to get real.

BEFORE YOU CHEAT. Before you chicken out on a first meet with a prospective affair partner. Before you drop someone like a hot potato after feeling “too guilty.”

“Maybe I’m not cut out for this.”
“I have to do what’s right.”
“Just give me more time.”

Yeah, NO. I don’t need it. Neither does anyone else. A lover changing their mind and going 180 degrees is misery. It takes so much work to connect with someone; to have it snatched away is agony.

First-timers implode.

I know we were all there once. Us career cheaters maybe forgot the ropes. We weren’t jaded yet. We still hoped for more — I know I did.

Before you say you want to be an adulterer (get used to the harsh words, this won’t be the last), figure out what you are doing and how you will survive it. No drama. No anguish. Spare us. Find another first-timer and practice.

I’ve heard countless excuses. Kiss your lover and don’t look back. I need a real man with a working dick, not a wishy-washy pen pal. I broke my “no first-timer” rule for one special man recently; I gave him a few too many chances.

“This needs to happen. Make a date. Let’s meet,” I texted.

“Let me work on my schedule,” he’d write. “Things are crazy now.”

A man who wants to get laid makes time. Finds the time. He wasn’t thirsty enough. You have to come into this like a wildfire after a drought. Never look back.

Make a decision. Own it.
I’ve learned the hard way. I’m sure you will, too.

Are you ready to cheat?

Follow me on substack — [email protected] (It’s free and I share more about my misdeeds than here. You know you want more!)

Buy me a chai tea at Patreon at [email protected] and spare me selling my body and soul on OnlyFans. Please.

Follow my new publication, P.S. I Hate You, where hate isn’t always the opposite of love. Follow my original publication about Adultery 101: The Scarlett Letter. Where all the bad boys and girls are…

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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