Don’t Chase Love, When You Love Yourself, the World Will Follow

I agree with the statement that we can feel whole without having a significant half. But there’s a major difference between needing versus wanting a relationship. Most of us are desperate for a partner, and it manifests in unsatisfying relationships, settling for less, and empty flings.

Boredom and loneliness are just other words for low self-worth. When we can’t deal with the stress and anxiety of being alone, we lower our standards. The majority of the relationship headaches stem from poor decisions, and these choices result from not being able to withstand lonely nights or watching other couples showing affection.

The entire problem lies in our scarcity mindset. We chase love when we feel low. We spend our time swiping instead of cultivating an interesting lifestyle. We change ourselves to fit other’s tastes. We operate with extreme fear of not finding someone to love who also loves us. Simply put, we think too little of ourselves. To change this mentality, we’ve got to realize a few things.

Changing who you are for others is self-disrespect

Lately, some friendships seem to be hitting a dead end. One of my newer but close friends has suddenly stopped asking to hang out like the way she already did, even a bit aloof now. I’m not sure what has happened. The old me would constantly wonder if I had done something wrong to trigger her and worry about what I need to do to retain her attention. There’s always been this mindset of “if you leave me, I’ll prove to you how much you’re missing out, you’ll regret it.” This undeterred belief that I deserve someone’s attention may seem like confidence, but it’s not. I’m still relying on another person’s validation by trying to meet their demands.

True self-worth means no matter how imperfect and broken you feel at this moment. You see no reason to adjust yourself to keep anyone in your life. You deserve the highest level of love, respect, and attention regardless of who you are and what you have or not have. It’s not delusional but rather unconditional self-regard.

Indifference makes all the difference

People who want to be around you will make an effort to. They should be the ones chasing your attention, not the other way around. It doesn’t mean acting superior or distant, but that you’re okay with or without them. Your freeness and lack of neediness make you invincible to people bailing out on you, and they likely won’t because no matter what interesting activities they have going on elsewhere, they’ll want you around because you’re so much fun and exude such safe and comfortable energy.

So, are you sitting on your couch swiping on dating apps all day long or are you actually doing something with your life? Are you chasing the world out there or are you building your own so others will gravitate towards you? Your indifference comes from you actively living out your own life. Your charisma comes from focusing on yourself.

Love yourself, live your life, build momentum

Once you shift the focus on yourself, you’ll stop worrying about what others are doing. Give yourself the love you seek from a partner. Fill up your weekends with plans that you wish you could make with a date. Your goals, hobbies, and social life come before romance. Being single is something to cherish, not fear. You’re a high-value person who deserves to have a lot going on for them. Romantic relationships are merely a part of it.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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