The fear of loss. The reason are there, whether it is in anticipation or currently happening. It’s uncomfortable to imagine the tragedy, but thinking about the outcome helps us.
This visualization can do two things. It can show us the kind of dangers that are present, so we can intervene or influence a situation involving our loved ones.
Conversely, in cases where we possess little to no influence, it can also show us, for example, the illness of a person that is dear to us. The visualization aids us by slowly and unconsciously getting in touch with the feelings of loss, and adapting to them over time.
Unfortunately, there is a magic thought that is an obstacle to this automatic defense. A dogma that has become part of our culture. It was brought from Asia or India in a superfluous package called the “law of attraction.” The theory is that if you think about something a lot, it will eventually manifest in your life.
This one, coupled with the positivity mantra; to think only about the good things in life influence us into repressing the dangers and problems in any situation. Isn’t there a natural reaction to loss? Mourning. It is to accept that which is so difficult to accept as well as feeling the sadness that results from a loss. The loss leaves an empty space in our heart.
Let’s say you lost your cat? Do you want another cat right away? Do you forget that particular cat?
It is important to think about our fears. We should find solutions before it is too late. It starts with imagining possible solutions and analyzing them.
On the other hand, if we don’t give time to this reflection, the fears will haunt or stay with us until something explodes. For example, when we are facing problems in a romantic relationship, we might be afraid that the relationship will come to an end.
We can react to this fear in different ways. What paralyzes some people? A person can feel defenseless or scared in changing things. This is a very big problem to be looked at carefully, because passivity will bring problems in every part of our lives.
After a romantic breakup, we lose more of the confidence that is vital to our dignity.
One of the two people is hurt. That’s not the end of the story. We need to react for the sake of ourselves. In a moment of sadness, we are prone to sad thoughts. We are constantly reacting to whatever situation taking place.
We put those events in order and narrate the meaning of such events to understand and know how we exist in relation to them. If we failed at something, we might change our view about ourselves. Our own self-image is created by our understanding of everything that surrounds us and that is of major importance to our mental health.
Mourning can be passed in a bad or better way. A bad way is to deny that there won’t be sadness and other negative feelings. A better way is going through all of the negative emotions. Every person will try different ways.
Distracting yourself from such thoughts will make you defenseless. Conversely, excessive thinking about negative feelings may trigger a supersensitive or aggressive attitude.
We might think about the reasons for the things that happened to us. It may not lead us to pleasant conclusions, but we understand that there is wisdom in those experiences.
It’s uncomfortable, but we won’t grow by believing and leaving things on the positive side and saying things, like “There’s a lot of fish in the sea.” This is by far the worst comment I’ve heard because it shows a lack of respect or understanding to the pain of a person’s suffering.
Adapting is harder. We didn’t see the tragedy coming, but we might have been responsible for our blindness towards the negative aspects of the situation. In the worst case, we could repeat a very similar behavior.
We need to adjust to the truth gradually and let in the difficult feelings. A person can become obsessed with searching for the reasons. I believe there are certain situations that justifies it at times. A kidnapping or another horrible crime are some examples that require the truth to be revealed to the victim and their family. This will bring some peace to us.
In other situations like a relationship breakup, I don’t believe we need the truth in details to understand that the other person didn’t want to continue with us. There is no way to solve that and drowning in uncertainties will only hurt us. If the ex-partner offers an explanation, this could bring some certainty. If it doesn’t happen this way, we will need to think about it by ourselves. Although, it is better to do it after some time, when the emotions are less present.
There is no immediate or easy way out of the feelings of a loss. Don’t take aspirin. Even methods that seem positive will be more effective taken with small steps – being with friends or talking about our feelings. The pain is personal and intimate. We won’t like the feeling of sharing with everybody, but there is wisdom in theoe experiences.
You might learn to treat yourself better, calm your reproaches, and try not to be so hard on yourself. We should take a breath and detach a bit from the situation to have a more objective opinion of the problems that resulted from the loss. At last, there is a need to accept the feelings of security or certainty that are only there when you feel them. We shouldn’t fixate with the past. There is nothing wrong with vulnerability, but we need to be stronger.
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