Playboy/Playgirls Are the Most Insecure

People who date or talk to multiple suitors at the same time usually have many underlying issues. Afraid to get serious because someone they deeply loved has shattered their hearts before, and they swore never to feel the same way again unless it’s the perfect partner — which doesn’t exist. They approach dating with a playful attitude, deep down, envying couples who walk down the aisle locking hands.

Playboys/playgirls don’t like investing real emotions. They can’t take the toll of a heartbreak. So they build a roster of ego-boosting partners at their disposal, they also never run out of options when feeling lonely. Logically, this seems like a perfect way to live. But they know, on some level, at some point, none of these friends with benefits, casual dates, or ambiguous friends fill the void in their hearts. They’re merely replacing quality with quantity. Never truly happy.

They can’t survive solitude

Players can’t feel okay about themselves without the opposite sex filling up their schedule. Not one, not two, not three, but they need attention from all directions to sustain their sense of self. Not wanting anything serious means lower standards. As long as someone can meet their basic physical and emotional needs, players will keep them around.

They need constant validation because they don’t like themselves. They’ve never dared to face the world by themselves. Or learn how to love themselves.

They end up as just another option

Playboys/playgirls aren’t genuinely interested in any of the lovers they surround themselves with.

Instead, it’s the charming bad boy or the independent bad girl, the unattainable, above their league ones that they are after. It’s these same people that trigger their insecurities. They are the very reason players acquire an army of “friends” to protect their self-esteem — so they can feel adequate for someone they truly like.

Because players treat their partners as just another number who satisfies their needs in one area or another, others ultimately treat them the same. While they’re swiping on a dating app, talking to three different people, the person on the other end is branching out to six. The players’ air of promiscuity attracts the same type of people, the same type of energy. By avoiding commitment, they’ll struggle to find it.

Their relationships are hallow

Flirting and sex are fun. And that’s all it really is — pleasure: no love, no security, and no deep connection. Players live on the surface of romance. Terrified to risk pain, they settle on superficial connections and lust. When you don’t pour your heart, you won’t feel the joy. When you aren’t willing to be vulnerable, you don’t be able to truly connect with another human being. Without that deep sense of connection, you’ll continue to feel alone regardless of how many romantic partners you keep on your retainer. Because none of these people mean much to you.

Players are predominately people with “parent issues”

They usually lacked love as a child. Their parents’ failed marriage formed their pessimistic perception towards relationships. By the time they grow up, they repeatedly get hurt by bad boys and bad girls that remind them of their parents. Quickly, they stop believing in love. Most of these so-called players are merely extremely insecure little boys and girls who developed attachment issues earlier on. They don’t show their authentic selves. They always feel a need to be perfect, never to show vulnerability in front of others. They’re afraid to invest all of their emotions into one person. They don’t trust that anyone would truly love them for who they really are.

Players are charismatic. Many of us can’t resist them knowing they’re no good for us. Without the strains of morality and emotion, they find it easy to say and act however they want, therefore, appearing free and fun. But we’ll never be able to save them. No amount of external love and care can help them recover without them consciously working on their own issues. Which means, it’s best to stay away.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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