Sleeping With the Fan Off

Tonight is a milestone in my life. Actually, it’s more of a pivotal moment worthy of Rocky music and an encouraging cheer from the crowd.

Tonight I..

Went to sleep without a fan on.

Just typing those words and seeing them stare back at me from my screen gives me a minor anxiety attack.

Sleeping with a cool breeze blowing onto my face is a core memory I can trace back to the hot sticky summer nights of the 90s. Being a kid in the ’90s was majestic. We were free of devices and the internet. Our days were spent on bikes and playing road hockey in the streets. On the hottest days, we swam.

My Mom knew my room was the hottest in the house and every night in the summer that stayed in the high 20s, she would open the door around midnight and declare “It’s time for a midnight dip!!”

A midnight dip was my brother and I being taken out to the swimming pool for a quick 20-minute swim to cool down. I remember thinking how awesome it was that my Mom was cool enough to dream up and coin the term “Midnight dip.”

One night after drying off and getting back into bed I noticed it. Bright red and sitting on my nightstand, my first fan. It was gorgeous with its sleek lines and curves. I instantly fell in love with its sweet sexy cool breeze that would gently rock me to sleep.

My mom with great intentions brought this gorgeous machine into my life, but with it came an addiction. I would be destined to sleep with a fan for the rest of my life.

She wakes up looking more beautiful than any woman I’ve ever seen. I think if you told me she was celestial I would be inclined to believe you.

She looks me in the eyes and proclaims “My lips are dry because your fan was on all night!”

I defensively argue back, due to my obsession with the blowing wind on my face as I sleep, but she stands her ground.

She playfully and confidently claims it is also most likely the cause of my own sore throat and coughing and hacking in the mornings.

“I’m not telling you what to do but I’ll certainly complain about it,” she says with a mischievous smile. I want to protest and put up an argument. That fan is life for me, but her smile…

I laugh and give in, much to her delight, as I say, “Why not? I’m quitting my fan.”

How do two people go from strangers to facetiming every night in under two months? Human connection and sparks will always escape my minds logic.

This woman just has a way about her that stops me in my tracks. She’s beautiful. Any man would kill for a shot, but it’s not even her beauty that won me over.

I’ve never been able to communicate openly and honestly with someone about my hopes, dreams, insecurities, fears, and innermost desires. Trust me I realize how insane this sounds after meeting someone not even two months ago, but she just has this way to burrow inside my heart.

She’s fiercely independent but at the same time carves out time in her incredibly busy schedule for me. I still don’t know how to process this because being made a priority is a foreign concept to me. One I’m quickly getting used to, and she’s to blame.

When she looks at me with her frosty blue eyes it makes me want to be a better man and person. Not because I think her eyes are pretty but behind those eyes is an astonishingly selfless, giving, loving and empathetic human being.

I could list and mention a million great traits about her but honestly what drives me crazy in the best way possible is her quirks. Her humour. The things she might think nobody has appreciated correctly or even had a chance to see. Those are what drive me crazy. I want them all.

When this woman jokes and playfully gives me her advice, I perk my ears up and listen. Everything she does or says is full of intentionality. I picked up on this early.

Her décor, her clothes, who she spends time with, right down to her leaving situations that don’t make her happy without a second thought. When she speaks, she means it. So I’ve learned to listen.

A few weeks after going cold turkey I wake up and she instantly floods my mind. I breathe in and smile and then notice it. I don’t have a sore throat. I jolt up out of bed and realize I also don’t have a headache. For the first time in months, my lips weren’t dry. I take a gulp of water and that persistent cough I’ve been battling doesn’t come out like usual. It’s Gone.

I laugh to myself and roll my eyes.

She was right. Of course, she was right!

I can’t wait for her to be right for the rest of my life.

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Justin is a Dad, Former At-Home-Dad, Partner, Content Creator, and Radio guy who lives on the east coast of Canada. He loves to tell stories through visual and written mediums. He writes about content creation, love, and being a Dad.

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Previously Published on medium

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