Josh Bowman is spending the next couple of weeks offering tips on how to do basic activities (you’re welcome). Today: using an umbrella. Ella. Ella. Eh. Eh. Eh.
- Take it down when you are walking under long awnings or construction scaffolding.
- Don’t whack people on the legs or shake it out inside a house, bus, or car.
- Twirling your umbrella is a fun way to signal to the rest of the world that you enjoy musicals.
- If you are The Penguin, you can use your umbrella any way you choose. As long as it is dastardly.
- When walking with your special fella/lady/undefined, hold your umbrella between you two and walk arm-in-arm. It’s a romantic way to get soaked on one side.
- Your umbrella says a lot about you. If it features a print of a Van Gogh painting, that shows you appreciate art. If it is covered in spikes and has a devil’s head on the handle, it shows that you appreciate METAL.
- Don’t stab people. For no reason. Have a reason before you stab somebody.
- It’s bad form to open an umbrella. Inside. A funeral home. At a funeral. For a baby.
- Some umbrella’s have a button that shoots the umbrella out and extends the handle. Those buttons are cool. That’s all.
- Don’t borrow a friend’s umbrella and then promptly lose it. They might have really liked that umbrella.
—Photo ewan traveler/Flickr