Do you have to look the part to be a “real man”? Turner Wright questions his body type.
I promise, this introduction isn’t boasting.
I can run marathons as fast as Lance Armstrong (will not even attempt to measure up to him in cycling). I’m in good enough shape to carry 100-pound concrete bags up a hillside, as I was required to do on one landscaping job. I do pushups, stretches, crunches, and squats twice a day.
And yet, from the outside, I still have a body that reminds me more of Chris Farley than Channing Tatum.
I feel like such an immature high schooler writing this, but I’m not at all satisfied with the way I look. I could probably deal with this if I were a sloth working a desk job and avoided exercise at all cost, but I’m anything but. My physical abilities are up to par, even beyond those of others my age, and yet, I look the way I do: flabby upper body, undefined arms, less appealing to the opposite sex.
Exercise isn’t a leisure activity; it’s necessary for a healthy life. But I would have hoped that exercising regularly and maintaining a good diet would have reflected my fitness as easily on the outside as it was on the inside.
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Maybe I’ve never come to terms with just how difficult it is for one to get into great shape with six-pack abs and bulging biceps. I still have to work jobs that don’t always allow me time to do my full routine, but I have friends who do less and achieve better results. I’m just whining to the Internet and the universe: where is the male form I was promised?
As a runner, I believe anyone who can’t run long distances isn’t living up to the potential of our species. Likewise, whenever I see men’s fitness magazines, others running on the trail beside me with their shirts off, or guys who are able to pull off tight clothes in nightclubs, I think: what am I doing wrong? Why aren’t I what nature and history tell me I should be?
There’s all this talk from both genders about learning to love your body no matter what the size or shape. In general, I think that’s absolutely true, but is their advice directed at those who feel their level of fitness challenges their manhood, or femininity? I can’t shake the feeling I’m capable of looking so much better.
Exercise isn’t a leisure activity; it’s necessary for a healthy life. But I would have hoped that exercising regularly and maintaining a good diet would have reflected my fitness as easily on the outside as it was on the inside. I’m in excellent health: I rarely get sick, my resting heart rate is around 50, my cholesterol is low, my bones are strong.
But every time I see another man crossing my path with larger arms and muscular peeks, whether he’s on a magazine cover or in my dust on the trail, I get taken down a notch.
Is it a question of time? Can only the rich or Hollywood types afford body waxing, consistent personal trainers, spray tans, and just the
leisure to hit the gym on a regular basis, as money isn’t as much of a concern, if any?
I’ve been at the same level of fitness more or less for the past twelve years, and though I felt accomplished completing my first marathon and stronger hitting the gym a few times a week, I’ve never looked the way I’ve wanted to, like the way I grew up believing a man is supposed to have 5% body fat.
It’s almost as though I think a “Captain America” solution is my only hope: a serum that instantly transforms weaklings into “real men.”
Capable of defending their country. Envied by other men, desired by women. And looking the part.
Read more on Body Image on The Good Life.
Photo credit: Michael Taggart Photography/Flickr
Hey Turner…I’m sure you see this one coming, but here goes…you’re clearly healthy. The “issue” isn’t really what your body looks like. It’s your own perception of your body and what you *think* other people might find important of you. The problem of this wanting, of this desire, is that it will NEVER go away, no matter how chiseled or buff or whatever you get. There will always be someone “better looking”, more cut, taller, etc. You know what the answer is, you’re just having a hard time with it. Acceptance. Contentedness. It’s not your body that you need to… Read more »
Obviously “image” isn’t everything but it’s nice to look good. But looks can be deceiving. I have a luxury import in my garage. Looks great, leather seats, all the accessories you can get on car. Problem is that I blew the engine last year.
Doesn’t matter what your body type is, if you’re not healthy you have jack. Looking good generally goes with being healthy but not all the time. I look at “looks” or a “good body” as being a benefit of good health and not the reason to be in good health.
Wait, so you talked about all your physical achievements which you acknowledge as definitely being above par for a male, then talk about how as soon as a man with a better physical image (in your opinion) comes along, you get taken down a notch… So people tried to tell you how to fix the part you seem to have a problem with, and you told us we missed the point… What was the point? Now I’m just straight-up confused… You didn’t even talk about WHY image bothers you how it does, how you think it was taught, how you… Read more »
I’m sorry you feel that way, Ben. Feel free to write a rebuttal to GMP. In any case, any who responded with fitness tips and advice on becoming more chiseled did miss the point. I could have been more eloquent in explaining my feelings on image, but instead, I chose to whine over what I had accomplished and wondered why I wasn’t getting results. This was not a call for “do more crunches; eat less; you’re an endomorph.” This was my expressed concern for guys who do achieve a moderate to high level of fitness, yet feel like the world… Read more »
It sounds like the real problem here is actually about specificity: what do you think constitutes a “real man”? If you think it’s a chiseled physique, then you are probably going about your training wrong. Being fit and being “chiseled” are often very different and require different types of activities to achieve. It seems like the problem is that you are conflating physical achievement with having a certain physique. You said you ran marathons, and that’s great. Why isn’t that enough? Aren’t men defined by their accomplishments? A six-pack is an accomplishment, sure, but for most people so is just… Read more »
I’m not sure I have much to offer for this topic, but here goes: “Am I Less Than a Man?” From the rational point of view, you know that “being a man” has nothing to do with body build; but that doesn’t matter because it’s how you feel about yourself that counts. Turner, I can easily identify with your anxiety (for lack of a better word). I took up bodybuilding several years ago, and even went to the trouble of hiring a physical trainer at a local 24 Hour Fitness. Today I still work with a trainer and will continue… Read more »
Neither can I
There are other things body wise that make people “less of a man.” For me, I have the “ideal” physique, or nearly so. Unfortunately, I also have gynecomastia — breast tissue in men — so while I have an amazing body, I also have noticeable amounts of glandular breast tissue which pretty much ruins the whole thing.
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There was a period of time that I thought like this. I have been skinny-fat most of my life, and there were stretches of months where I would work out 3 hours a day, 6 days a week, and see virtually no improvement. Now I am pretty darn close to that idyllic male body shape and six-pack. Two things changed–I realized how important nutrition is and I monitor my calories, macros, and micros in a moderately OCD manner (I also use the leangains.com dietary approach). Second, I stopped working out so much. I realized that you only need a small… Read more »
Alex – and what would you say to people who simply can’t?
Fair question. There are many reasons that people can’t get in the shape they want. If they truly can’t–as in the case of my friends that are disabled by genetics or disease–it is truly a matter of maximizing health with the body you have. I have a friend who contracted West Nile, almost died, and now has permanently reduced lung capacity and physical strength. He may never run a marathon or squat 200 lbs but through good nutrition, he could attain 10% body fat and good conditioning for his potential. I have another friend with a thyroid problem, and she… Read more »
Thanks for reading, everyone. Some of you clearly got the point. Others, like Mike and G, did not. I’m not looking for advice on my workout. Nor do I need tips on nutrition and fitness. This is about how guys like me feel they can’t measure up; bombarding us with information like that is extremely counterproductive.
I got your point. You didn’t get mine. I was offering my different perspective about not meeting the stereotypical ideal male body-type because of my height.
You are correct, sorry. Associated your name with another comment.
I hear you. I work out regularly and have for my entire adult life. I can run long distances and lift heavy weights. I am shorter than average though. I look buff and fit, but I get “taken down a notch” by guys taller than me, which is most guys. Such is life.
Hi there! Ben here, the mentioned partner of Elizabeth who posted the second comment. I’mma jump straight into schooling, no need to bugger around with “LOVE YOUR BODY” and all that jazz – we’ve all heard it, it’s great stuff, but it’s not what you’re asking. So first thing’s first. We have somatotypes – you are definitely “endomorph”. This is a body type that can strengthen easily, but gains (and holds onto!) fat much easier. The reason I say “strengthen” as opposed to “bulk up” is because you have considerable proportionate strength. You are also physically fit – yet you… Read more »
I’ve been following this type of imagery and its effect on the self-esteem of the population. Between the standards of attractive men and women, the male ideal figure is much, much harder to obtain. The body was built around a thin frame, for the most part. Obesity is a very new problem, and men’s standards have actually eased up on women’s weight. (Women, of course, have a notably larger stake in their outward appearance for day-to-do respect.) Musculature is a different beast, though. There’s a reason fatty tissue is around the muscle area. Muscle builds fat to localize the energy.… Read more »
I am by no means an expert, but from what I’ve learned from my partner, who has read a *lot* on the subject, is naturally very lean and slender, and has to work incredibly hard to gain muscle compared to others (like you said, “I have friends who do less and achieve better results,” etc.), you need to eat a LOT – much more than you would expect, and eating specific ratios of carbs:fat:protein – and you need to exercise with weights, not just doing exercises like “pushups, stretches, crunches, and squats”. Those exercises are great for certain things but… Read more »
Turner, have you tried a trainer? The chiseled look is usually achieved by specific exercises designed to chisel. Your routine sounds more of a full-body workout. And believe me, there are tons of guys who would love to have your level of overall fitness—and that includes some of the pumped-up guys.
Good luck.