Why don’t we all
invent some new
Pretty much everyone who’s ever thought about it for longer than two seconds has recognized that the majority of the iconography we associate with the holiday currently allowing me to enjoy a four-day weekend has little to nothing to do with the death and resurrection of J. Christ. The eggs and bunnies all positively reek with pagan sensibilities, which is all fine and good, but they could use some freshening up. Which is why I propose we work together to invent some new Easter traditions. Let’s brainstorm together. I’ll start us off.
1) Larry the Cable Camel
A mashup of the popular “blue color” comic and the noble behumped beast of the mid-east, Larry the Cable Camel gets Easter “dun” by hiding marzipan antlers throughout the house for little children to find.
2) Nauseated Clowns
At every Easter party, the Nauseated Clown would take a special place of honour in the middle of the room, where they would explain that they would normally provide everyone with festive balloon animals, but their stomach isn’t feeling up to it at the moment.
3) Easter Seals
Not the popular charity, but actual seals celebrating the miracle of Christ’s divinity by doing cute tricks for small but tasty fish treats.
4) Resurrection Election
What better way to pay tribute to the rebirth of the King of Kings than by an annual public vote to determine which popular celebrity we want to bring back from the dead to prove how much we enjoy their work.
5) Cadbury Creme Dregs
After Easter is over, we can all come down by chugging jars of slightly past-due fondant.