“The power of public shaming isn’t in what they use to shame you with, but the fact they are trying to shame you at all.”

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  1. Glad to see that some people are grasping that it’s not just the act or word that is aimed at shaming that is significant – it’s who is doing it and why that other’s all too often look at for justification.

    A total stranger snaps a shot of me nude on the beach and posts it on line. I too have no Nudity issues. So some people see my todger and love handles …. It’s not going to stir me up, and it’s nothing that hasn’t been seen in public before … or here after (Weather Permitting).

    On the other hand – and ex-partner posts snaps taken of me lying languidly in bed – a smile on my face – and posts them online with a side note that reads “Not just a cripple in bed”.

    People will start to judge context – make assumptions – and wonder at what I have done to the person posting the pictures to inspire anger and resentment!

    The big issue is not my psychology – it’s the psychology of the abuser and how that interfaces and relates to the other people viewing matters from the outside!

    You only have had to read some comments on revenge sites – and the personal abuse that comes out of thin air – to grasp that shaming is not about the individual, it’s about the Social Monster that the abuser seeks to unleash!

    …. and NO – I won’t tell anyone where the beach pictures are – so don’t ask! P^)

    • And as much as I understand the desire for revenge when someone’s hurt or abused you…I really think it’s important to think of shaming in the same way we do bullying. Because, really, it’s all part of the same thing.

      • Heather – I can see where you are coming from with your last comment, and at the same time it leaves me uneasy.

        I keep seeing so many ideas, and language being mashed together at great speed due to the Internet’s accessibility. That keeps leading to new ideas being generated at speeds that defy clarity.

        I like that you said ” “”think”" of shaming in the same way we do bullying.”, which is in my experience quite valid. Both are distinct forms of Interpersonal Violence and there are striking similarities in the psychology involved.

        But then again there are distinct differences too, how they are made manifest, and how they are best reacted too and managed.

        I can see some reading what you have written and taking it as validation for a new miscellany of bits stuck together!

      • Agreed. I think its perfectly understandable that some people who were bullied/shamed would go on to become bullies/shamers themselves. Looking for something to ease a pain that never healed properly.

  2. You only have had to read some comments on revenge sites – and the personal abuse that comes out of thin air – to grasp that shaming is not about the individual, it’s about the Social Monster that the abuser seeks to unleash!
    True indeed. The person that posts sexy pics of the ex that hurt them isn’t doing it to directly hurt the ex in question. No they are doing it in hopes of heavy indirect damage.

    They want the friends and family of that ex to wonder why they would take such “trashy” photos.

    They want the strangers who will see the pics of the ex to pile on the insults.

    They want the potential employers of that ex to look them up and question the professinal nature of the
    ex.

    They want future partners who do a search on that ex to get turned off by wondering what did they do to deserve having their pics put out there like that.

    These things and others ar what make up that Social Monster you speak of.

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