Following on Cris Carter’s remarks, MaleSurvivor Executive Director Christopher M. Anderson tells us what to say to people who are on the fence about using violence to discipline kids.
___
This is the 21st century; my mom was wrong … And I promise my kids I won’t teach that mess to them.
You can’t beat a kid to make them do what you want them to do.
—Former NFL star Cris Carter, Minnesota Vikings WR, and Hall of Famer
___
Yet again an NFL superstar has come under public scrutiny for interpersonal violence. Before the suspicion of Ray Rice for assaulting his then fiancee had dropped off the back pages, Minnesota Vikings star running back Adrian Peterson was charged with child abuse by authorities in Texas.
♦◊♦
It is important to make sure we explain why physically striking a child is simply, fundamentally, and ethically wrong.
|
When discussing child abuse people are often quick to agree that it’s wrong. But it is also important to make sure we explain why physically striking a child is simply, fundamentally, and ethically wrong. That is not something I have heard very often in the public comments by other athletes and NFL officials. It is also important to recognize that raising attention to child abuse in this way does not detract from the important and necessary discussions that continue to happen with regards to domestic violence and the issues brought up by the Ray Rice suspension. Most forms of interpersonal violence have their root in trauma to one degree or another, and by talking about one form of IPV, we necessarily bring up issues connected to many others.
When a child is neglected, or when a child is given inconsistent, and sometimes violent treatment at the hands of those to whom he is instinctively attached, it can cause severe disruptions in the child’s emotional growth.
|
1. The attachment bond between child and parent plays a crucial role in the emotional and psychological development of a child. Primates (remember humans are a form of primate) are driven by powerful instincts to bond with parental and/or caregiving figures. When a child receives consistent, predictable, and positive reinforcement from a caregiver, it plays a powerful role in the way in which that child begins to understand and predict how the world works. When a child is neglected, or when a child is given inconsistent, and sometimes violent treatment at the hands of those to whom he is instinctively attached, it can cause severe disruptions in the child’s emotional growth. These can lead to—among other things—delays in cognitive development, difficulty in regulating emotions, and a pronounced tendency to see the world as a threatening, unpredictable, and dangerous place. For more info you can begin reading up on attachment theory here.
Any person who endorses and defends a cultural standard that condones adults physically beating children is supporting a standard that causes far more harm than good.
|
2. Beating a child often causes that child to perceive themselves as powerless, and sometimes reinforces negative self image in ways that resonates throughout their lives. There is still a powerful cultural acceptance in many communities of the idea that physical discipline is not just permissible, but necessary. The truth is that hitting a child is neither. It is abuse. Abuse that can cause tremendous psychological trauma and that can have lifelong effects on a victim. Although many people will say things like, “Well my dad/mom beat me and it was good for me,” these statements cannot be taken as evidence that hitting children is acceptable. These people 1) have no way of knowing who or what they could have been had they not experienced physical abuse; and 2) they are making the all too common mistake of universalizing their experiences. Just because they may have been blessed with a greater degree of resilience does not give them the authority to say what is and is not developmentally destructive to other children. Any person who endorses and defends a cultural standard that condones adults physically beating children is supporting a standard that causes far more harm than good.
♦◊♦
“Children who were exposed to even one type of violence, both within the past year and over their lifetimes, were at far greater risk of experiencing other types of violence.”
|
IF you know a child that is being abused, please report it to your local child protective services or call the National Child Abuse Hotline.
___
IF your child attends a school that endorses or condones the use of corporal punishment by teachers or staff, find another school for your child.
I also want to say this. I acknowledge that my perspective is informed by the experiences that I have had, just as the experiences of others are by theirs. I am also well aware that there are risks, pressures, and threats that children and families from some communities must grapple with that I did not experience. I did not consider this point when I drafted this article, and that was at best presumptuous – at worst arrogant. It was not my intent to create more division. I had thought that by explicating reasons why we need to challenge what I… Read more »
I would be careful about saying spanking is abuse and then telling people to report abuse. Spanking is not illegal in the US. For instance, the criminal code in NY State is this: Neglecting a child includes unreasonably inflicting or allowing the infliction of harm or substantial risk thereof, including excessive corporal punishment. Family Court § 1012. [Civil Code] Parent/guardian/other person with care and supervision of person under 21, can use non-deadly physical force when and to the extent he reasonably believes necessary to maintain discipline or promote welfare of person force performed upon. Penal § 35:10. [Criminal Code] The… Read more »
This is great. But I would like to see the inclusion of one more dynamic that is important in breaking the generational cycle of violence – Those victimised as children are those at risk of become abusive later in life. Its the single biggest factor that gender ideologues won’t discuss when the topic turns to intimate partner violence. We have broken people who in turn raise broken children. In this situation everyone need help not just the victims. For many of the abusers, they have never known anything different other than abuse. For those interested google: Erin Pizzey – This… Read more »