My dad took his last breath two years ago. After battling health conditions for 20 years, his heart finally ran out of pump like an old steam train slowly coming to a halt. His exit from life was without fanfare. I’ve made more of a fuss after facing a string of red traffic lights.
When told he had six months to live, he did absolutely nothing differently. Not a bucket list in sight. He had always wanted to be the kind of man that was at his best when things were at their worst. Part of me was proud to find out he was, most of me wished I hadn’t had to find out.
I’m not religious, or even particularly spiritual, but the moment he died something unusual happened. His body remained but I knew my dad was gone. The vessel had lost its captain. The essence of Dad slipped through our fingers and he was gone forever. The conversations I still wanted to have. The parts of Dad I still wanted to get to know. The opportunity lost for eternity.
The finality of death is gut wrenching. I cling to remnants of Dad in the form of possessions and memories like someone fossicking for gold. Secretly, I still hope to find a letter he might have written to me with some final words of love and advice. It would be my most prized possession.
I have two young daughters who mean everything to me. I also have a newfound appreciation of the fragility of life, and I don’t want to take any chances. If I was hit by a bus tomorrow, what would they remember of me? If part of the role of being a Dad is to impart some hard earned wisdom, I don’t want them cobbling together a perspective from my social media pages.
I know my children will be their own people. They will tread their own path. I know they’ll learn a lot more from what I do, than what I say. But here are the top 10 life insights I’ve gathered so far that I want my daughters to know to help them be more prepared for the challenges of life.
I’ll print out a copy and leave it in my top drawer, just incase.
1. Realize you have won the lottery of life.
There are over 7 billion people in the world, and you’re getting a better deal in life than most of them. That privilege comes with the responsibility of being humble, grateful and compassionate to others.
2. Be an experience collector.
Life is about growth and expanding your range of experience. Treat life as an experiment. Test your assumptions about what you like, and don’t like. When making decisions, ask yourself ‘What would 80 year old me want me to do?’. Do that.
3. Nothing really matters except relationships.
The connections you have with other people are what will give your life meaning. Never stop getting to know people you already know well. Ask questions. Give authentic compliments. Tell people you miss them.
4. There is no reality, only perception.
Know your version of the truth, but be the person in the room who is seeking to understand other versions.
5. You can’t be everything.
Don’t compare your weaknesses to other people’s strengths. Know your own strengths and find situations where you can use them to excel.
6. You are not your thoughts.
The hardest relationship you’ll have to manage in life is between yourself and your own thoughts. Develop a critical friendship with your thoughts. Know when they’re being helpful, and when you need to keep your distance.
7. Treat yourself how you’d treat a friend.
If you’re anything close to normal, you’ll battle with periods of anxiety, sadness, and lack of confidence throughout life. So be kind to yourself. Everyone, everyone, everyone goes through this at times – you are not alone.
8. Don’t panic if you don’t have a passion.
Not everyone is lucky enough to have a ‘passion’ – but turn your head in the direction of things that interest you and you’ll never be bored or boring.
9. If you’re doing life properly, you will make mistakes.
And also make bad decisions, embarrass yourself, and sometimes fail. This happens to everyone. Learn from it but don’t beat yourself up too much when it happens to you. It’s just a sign that you’re engaged in living.
10. You are loved.
If you forget 1 to 9, remember this one. It’s probably all you really need to know anyway.
Photo credit: iStock
Very thought provoking Luke. A wise man who came before you said it all though a long time ago. He said ` Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and all your mind and all your strength’ and love your neighbor as you love yourself ` It was Jesus Christ’ and a father can pass on no greater wisdom to his children than His. Keep up the good parenting, we need more of it. G W.
Loved reading this. Thank You so much.