Seth Burleigh and his wife chose their nursery paint color with calculated deliberation.
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I consider myself very lucky. Mrs. FortyWeeks has great taste (and no she didn’t promise me anything to say this). She is also an online-researching fiend. Whether it’s DIY blogs or user reviews, she rarely buys anything without doing her homework and checking multiple sources for information, visuals, and tips. And I have to admit, I’ve become spoiled and impressed by her obsession.
When we bought our first house almost a year ago, many of the design ideas already lived on her Pinterest page, in her bookmarks folder, in our Houzz lookbook, or just in the trap of her memory. (By the way, if you have hours of free time to look at thousands of room photos for inspiration, checkout Houzz). Of course we came to the final decisions together, but she did 99% of the legwork.
We knew that one of the three bedrooms would become (and now is) the nursery. We also knew that we wanted a gender neutral space for our eventual child (which unknowingly was already growing at about the time of our move-in). And Mrs. FortyWeeks had of course already done research on designs, colors, furniture, etc. and had a good idea of what she wanted. Thus, we painted it Benjamin Moore Baltic Grey, and we love it.
We did not want to impose a blue or pink world on our child; society was going to do enough of that without us having to lift a finger.
I remember being asked countless times if the room was going to remain grey when a baby came. And the answer, “Yes, we did this on purpose,” was usually met without a reaction, but sometimes met with a look of confusion. Practically, I was not about to repaint a room that I had just paid to have painted. Philosophically, we did not want to impose a blue or pink world on our child; society was going to do enough of that without us having to lift a finger. But in our own home and in their own room, we could control the environment and messages we were trying to send.
Blue is my favorite color and I have nothing against pink, but our problem was with the norms associated with each color. And while I am extremely grateful for everything friends and family have bought our daughter, a piece of me rebels with every pink item received. But I know it is not their fault. When shopping for baby clothes you either get pink flowers and fairies or blue dump trucks and baseballs. At least as adults the palette is more diverse and one can find the same item in non-gender representative colors.
Mrs. FortyWeeks and I have already discussed Disney princesses and we do not plan on purposefully introducing these, nor do we plan on having a Disney Princess themed birthday party. But again, there is only so much we can control and we are both reluctantly aware of that. We will walk through a mall one day and see a Cinderella doll, and we will have to explain. And I’m sure we’ll take her to Disneyland and she will want a picture with Snow White or Mulan, and I’m sure we’ll oblige.
Are we going to deprive her of everything “girly”? No. She is her mama’s daughter, and mama has her “girly” side too. We aren’t unrealistic. We know she will develop her own style, and she could grow up and love wearing pink, purple, green, or blue. Or maybe her favorite color will be Benjamin Moore Baltic Grey, in which there is a can waiting for her in the garage.
For those interested in the prints shown in the picture above:
“Let her sleep…” (middle)
“Be your own kind of beautiful” (upper right)
Others items are from our own “collection”
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This post originally appeared at Forty Weeks Later
Photo: Courtesy of the author
Our baby room is also staying grey. Baby’s sex remains TBD.
The thing that bugs me most, other than the pink must be girl, blue must be boy, and if you do any other color then it’s for political reasons first thing off. When are we ever going to get past this nonsense about fixed colors, especially now in this more or less enlightened age? It is not true that adult stuff is more varied. Slightly yes but hardly enough to make a difference. Look through any sales catalog. There is not a raspberry turtleneck for a man anywhere. If I want one then I have to buy a really large… Read more »
In case any of you were interested, more pictures of my daughter’s room can be found here: http://www.fortyweekslater.com/2014/01/lairing-isabels-bedroom/
‘Calculated deliberation…’ what a beautiful consciousness to bring to all aspects of parenting. Thank you for being a model to which we can all map, but each in our own ways. Blessings to you.
Charlon – I wish I could take credit for that phrase, but I can’t. Kudos to the GMP editors for that. 🙂 However, beautiful nonetheless.
I absolutely do not like this article. These parents that are trying to be “gender neutral” are actually forcing the opposite gender/or maybe the correct one? on their children. If you want to be gender neutral, let your kids pick their own toys and clothes. I have three young daughters. Their room is light blue, there are a variety of Disney characters painted on it–including Buzz Lightyear and the Incredibles. There are princess toys, cars, trucks, Legos, etc. available to them, they can play whichever they like. My oldest daughter is a princess loving girly girl. My middle one loves… Read more »
Thanks for your thoughts Jamie, however, please also remember the context within which this article was written. The room had to start somewhere and this is what we chose, for the reasons I mentioned and because, quite frankly, we like it. I’m not quite sure how we are forcing one or the other. My daughter is 3 months old – hardly capable of making any decision on her own and not really comparable to your girls, who I imagine have an idea (concrete or conceptual) of what is going on in the world. I agree that she should be able… Read more »
I agree with Selina. There seems to be so much of a focus on the gender politics of colours for children here that the choice of grey for the room seems to be one arrived more by default, as if it were the obvious choice after rejecting pink and blue. Little careful consideration of what colours are best for a child’s bedroom (stimulating but non-aggressive, ideally) and practical considerations such as the ability to hide or remove stains seems to have been given. This heightened concern not to impose gender norms upon children still traffics upon a sort of fetishization… Read more »
I like your descision but not the colour. Babies and children like bright colours. Why not some butter yellow, maybe a mint green, some orange in there? Grey is too dull for a child maybe
Perhaps, my wife also really likes grey, so it serves a dual purpose (although still deliberate). We’ll see what happens when my daughter grows up. Painting a wall is an easy fix. 🙂
Yes, there’s some arbitrariness to “masculine” or “feminine” colors. Still, I feel sad that this has become a matter of political correctness, whether people are coming up with it more or less on their own or whether they have been shamed into it.
I like the idea of this site and much of the content, but I have a feeling I won’t be popular here.
enness, you’ll be fine here. I’m pretty much an “against the grain” kinda guy and I’m holding my own and have been for quite a while. I’m with you and others about your view of political correctness. That’s why I described my kids and grandkids rooms. Like Alistair and Selina said, colors that are stimulating for children.
Then again, I did a quick search and found at “ask.com” some interesting information on colors. “Nurseries and Kids’ Rooms”…. “Red” … maybe I should talk to my son-in-law about switching out the fire engine red room?
Enness – Thanks for your thoughts. We definitely weren’t shamed into doing it (nor are you saying we were), it was both a “political” decision and a personal one. If her room was something “feminine” I’m pretty sure I would gag whenever I walked into her room. We’ve put lots of red in her room in other ways though.
We have the same feeling as you do, our daughters room is painted grey as well, with purple decor, but Jo pink. My wife and I don’t want that pink girly colors in her room and we will try to avoid the princess themes as much as we can, but again once she has her choice, when she can decide it will be up to her. I am just my wife I are not the only parents like that.
Brilliantly written article, and what a great idea. When I was a young girl I loved Boy clothes like board shorts and playing with toy guns and trucks. But I had pink wallpaper and had to wear dresses at family events. You are allow her the freedom society will not, where it matters most.
She will grow up finding out exactly who she is. What more could you ask for?
Thanks! My thoughts exactly. We are not opposed to dresses or pink as she does have both in her wardrobe, we’re just starting neutral and we’ll see where she takes us. But of course, we’ll have to draw a line somewhere. 🙂
When my kids were small = nursery age, we went with bright colors. Actually the first was white and I’d painted the Wizard of Oz mural that covered one wall.The scene where they had the Emerald City in sight and the yellow brick road was leading through the poppy field. Very colorful. Oak furniture. When the kids (boy and girl) got older and shared a room for a while, the room was done in bright colors using colors, numbers and letters theme. When my kids got older and they had their own rooms, my son chose GB Packers (favorite football… Read more »
Where do you live and how can I contact you when I need a mural painted.? Good stuff! 🙂
Lucky kids! That sounds really creative.
Seth, Alastair. …. thanks. I’m in the Chicago area but have pretty much only done these for friends and family as gifts. I did barter with a carpenter friend where I did his kids rooms and he did work on my house. Like I said though, a lot of people could do them using an old overhead.
My own rom is dove grey and I love it. I can change color schemes whenever I feel like it with accessories. Little girls change their minds and tastes over time; this will be a room she can’t outgrow the paint job in.
We’ll see how often mama let’s her change the color scheme. 🙂
Love the grey. I wish there were more baby/toddler clothes/carriers/covers available in greys/greens/browns/oranges or bright primaries and patterns or textures. They have it on toys…if that’s good for their brains, why not use it on more?
Tell me about the clothes! My wife did a fabulous job of finding non-pink clothes during a recent sale. I leave that to her, at least for now. 🙂 We have a red car seat a black/white cover. So we’re definitely trying!