Narcissists play mind games. That’s a fact. They thrive on being in control of the people around them. There are many ways they keep people in line. Here are 7 hurtful ways narcissists play mind games with you.
They’ll play the victim
With a narcissist, everything is always your fault. They are never wrong. You are.
They have overinflated egos and believe that the world revolves around them.
If anything bad happens, it is always someone else’s fault. And that someone else is usually you.
They could hurt you a million times, and only remember the one time you let them down.
Then they’ll bring up this one time over and over again, making you feel like a horrible villain.
They have to keep their fragile self-esteem intact. They must keep wearing the mask that shows the world that they are a perfect human who doesn’t make mistakes.
Therefore they can never be wrong. They must protect themselves this way.
They’ll always play the victim. Even when they are hurting everyone else around them.
They’ll point out your flaws
In the glorious beginning, when you were love-bombed, life was wonderful. But that never lasts long with a narcissist.
For example, you’re sitting with them in a restaurant. They ask you why your fingernails never look as polished as the waitress’s nails are. You spend the rest of the evening hiding your hands in embarrassment.
They’ll insist you work out because you aren’t slim enough or muscular enough.
The female narcissist will tell her boyfriend that he doesn’t make enough money and that he’s not a real man. She’ll make him feel inferior like he’s not good enough for her.
Males will tell their girlfriends that their hair is too short. After all, men prefer long hair. She’ll be doing cartwheels in a bikini trying to please this man.
A narcissist once told a woman she’d never have a strong relationship because she had issues. Her longest relationship had been twenty years. His was two months.
Narcissists love to control you by pointing out your flaws. It makes them feel powerful.
They’ll gaslight you
One of the narcissist’s favorite mind games is to gaslight you.
Remember the time they told you that they couldn’t be with you because you were second best? They didn’t want to settle with someone who wasn’t their ideal person.
It broke your heart. You cried for days.
Now you’re seeing them again, and they completely deny that they said that. They accuse you of not remembering it correctly.
You find yourself questioning everything that happened between you. The narcissist has an entirely different version than yours.
They’ll be secretive about their lives
Narcissists love secrecy.
They’ll drive you crazy with jealousy. Don’t think they’re unaware of how they’re hurting you. They enjoy the process.
Who is that mysterious person they keep texting all the time when they’re with you? Why do they have so many other admirers they only call friends? Yet, it is clear to everyone that their friends think they’re romantically involved.
How come you didn’t know they were seeing someone else for ten years when they were with you?
And how come most of the narcissist’s close friends have never met each other? They want to keep them separate, that’s why. They never want anyone to ever figure them out.
They’ll play hot and cold to control you
Narcissists love to play hot and cold with someone who loves them. They’ll shower you with attention in the beginning. They’ll contact you every day. You’ll feel like you’ve met the love of your life. Then the tables are turned.
Suddenly they’ve appeared to vanish into thin air. You can’t get ahold of them, even in an emergency.
You’re lying in your apartment, sick and in pain, and they’re not answering their text messages.
Or you spent a romantic weekend with them, and they’ve vanished. You’re in a panic wondering what you’ve done wrong. Because in their eyes, you’re always doing something wrong.
When they finally return, you’re so relieved you’ll do anything for them. They control you this way.
Yet where were they when they were absent? You’d probably not want to know.
Because narcissists always have other love interests who provide narcissistic supply. They bounce back and forth between people. When they get tired of one, they go to the other.
They’ll have no empathy for you
One of the key traits of a narcissist is a lack of empathy. They truly don’t care about anyone but themselves.
One narcissist was out with a date, and she tripped and fell in front of his friends. He turned red with embarrassment.
He cared more about the fact that his friends thought his date was clumsy than her injuries from the fall. He simply didn’t care. She’d embarrassed him in public.
Narcissists have no empathy for you when you are suffering. They are nowhere to be found.
One newlywed wife was lying in bed with a fever and was breaking out in hives from a virus.
Everything hurt, and she needed her husband to help her.
He was furious. “I didn’t marry you to be a sick person.” He then went out with his friend and left her home all alone.
Some narcissists may pretend to have empathy, but it’s only to get what they want.
Your secrets won’t be safe with them
When a narcissist first meets you, they’ll want to know everything about you. You will be thrilled, thinking you’ve found the one. Here’s a person who cares so much they want to know anything.
Yet beware. It’s all part of their mind games. They will use what you tell them against you.
They’ll think nothing of telling their friends about any embarrassing personal problems. Or they’ll throw something up to your face that you confided in them a long time ago to hurt you.
You are not safe with a narcissist. You never will be. It’s time you realized that you’ll never get that love that you long for with a narcissist. All you’ll get is hurtful mind games.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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