Lessons I learned in pursuing one of my dreams
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Most men in midlife feel stuck because they don’t know where to begin that would not feel like a complete start-over. To reduce those feelings, it’s important to consider these 5-Simple Steps.
Step 1: Identify what is knocking down the door to be released from inside you
You might currently be doing something you have little or no desire to do but because of economics and other benefits, you do it. However, deep inside you is a thing that keeps knocking on the door of your heart. It wants out. You know it. You feel it. It distresses you because of how bad it wants out but you, others and circumstances, keeps it in. What if you were to find a small outlet for it?
I wanted to write a book but I couldn’t find the time—I thought. I would find every excuse not to write but when I didn’t, the writing ogre in me kept banging on the door.
At times, I felt depressed because the pressure built up within me. Even though I really liked what I was doing at the time, this “thing” kept on banging. Eventually, I decided to write parts of the book whenever I could. I actually made the time.
Once I began, the pressure within, slowly diminished. It never totally subsided, which may have been a good thing. The pressure served as my reminder. I eventually finished writing the book.
Was it my best writing? No.
As a matter of fact, I’ve made several attempts to republish it, but it never materialized. I finally decided to leave the book as is because. The book reflected my start. I know that I could only get better with time. The point is, I got it out.
So, like me, you too need to identify what is knocking on your door wanting to be set free. Here is the key: You don’t have to stop what you’re currently doing to make this small step. I didn’t.
Step 2: Talk to trusted family and friends about the ogre within
This step seems like it should be first, but here’s my rationale for not having it first. What if you talk to friends and family about the ogre and they’re not supportive or even make you feel like you are not able to proceed? What do you think would happen then? If you said, “feelings of discouragement,” you’re wrong. It would be worse. You’d be crushed. The ogre would only knock louder because it senses a delay coming. The ogre would more than likely be locked up forever.
Therefore, this step comes after you have acted, you can at least have a place where you can get some honest feedback. The process has already begun, so now it’s about making corrections or necessary adjustments.
I did that with my own family. I asked them to read my book and give me their honest feedback. At first, their feedback felt like criticism and it stung a little. However, I had to work through that. I didn’t prepare myself as I should have to expect this kind of feedback.
To be honest, I was hoping that they would all say, “Great job—-this is a New York Times Best Seller.” That wasn’t the case on either counts. I am now more prepared.
I could now say that I was an author and the banging from that particular ogre has subsided.
Step 3: Be patient with yourself and the process
This is a very important step. Maybe the most important of them all. Why? You are going to feel like you are not making much headway. This can be discouraging to say the least.
Here is a term I learned from within a mastermind group that I’m a part of: Progress not perfection. This phrase really helped me. I realize that it’s not about being perfect the first time. As a matter of fact, you don’t want to be perfect the first time. If you did, then what? Could you make it more perfect? Obviously not. So taking small steps along the way – having small goals – is the way to go.
I recently started trying to drink more water each day. So, I have made small steps along the way. My goal each day is to drink eight 8-ounce glasses before 5 p.m.
Now, what if I don’t drink eight of those 8-ounce glasses before the end of the day, would that be a failure? Of course not. Remember my goal is to drink more water than I have on a daily basis. What was my previous amount? Maybe a glass or two if I’m lucky. So, if I only drank four 8-ounce glasses of water, I’ve succeeded.
Being patient with yourself and give yourself room for imperfection.
Step 4: Be Willing to make the necessary changes as you go
Making changes along the way may not change the previous “product” you’ve created. As I shared before, that was what I thought I needed to do. But no, I needed to learn from what I did right and wrong and proceed to implement those lessons in my next project.
I learned while writing my first book that I should have mapped out the chapters ahead of time using whatever means possible. I have an app called Mindmeister which is very helpful in doing something like that. I don’t use it as often as I should but when I do, it helps greatly.
You can take a pad and pen and draw flowcharts as to how you want things to look and flow. This in only the skeleton that helps guide the process.
It really doesn’t matter what tool you use for this step. Just find one that works for you and use it. The tool simply allows you to plan ahead.
Step 5: Surround yourself with cheerleaders
Do you know of a sports team that doesn’t have some form of cheerleading? In the United States, where I live, I don’t know of one. This might not be true for other countries, where there are actually guys and girls who are paid to showcase some kind of team orchestrated dance or other routines. This is to help keep the spirit of the team as high as possible.
Even though not every country has this form of cheerleading, I would dare say they all have some form of cheerleading—they are called fans. Every team has fans.
You too need to have like-minded people around you who realize that winning is on your mind. Your success gives them something to be proud of because they are in it with you. You share the experience.
My immediate family became a part of this cheerleading group. However, I failed to recruit additional cheerleaders who understood this process of the world of entrepreneurship and following ones dream.
For some, cheerleading was a nice thing to do. But now, they said, “I needed to return to the real world and stay there.” Or something to that effect,
I really blamed myself for that. I was the one who didn’t recruit as many like-minded people as I said before. At the time, I didn’t see it that way. I blamed them for not wanting my success. The fact is, some of them didn’t understand what my success was. I hadn’t clearly articulated what I was after. Some saw it as only writing a book and that’s it. That’s another thing I learned and made sure I changed for the future.
I have since made enormous changes in this one area. Joining mastermind and coaching groups has been incredibly helpful.
Now it’s your turn. What are you going to do and what are you waiting for? Get started today.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
Kingsley,
LOVE your advice. Whenever we are seeking out our passion and purpose, it always involves getting uncomfortable – you identified some pretty major steps that may be VERY uncomfortable for folks. Wanted to say way to go on getting out of your own comfort zone as you are helping others.
Thanks Jen,
Getting uncomfortable is so necessary for us to experience our fullest potential. I’m glad you yourself are doing the same.
Unfortunately, these days it is impossible for many guys to start their own businesses since Corporate America has rigged the game against them. Corporate America can’t stand it when people start their own careers because it would give them competition and Corporate America is unable to compete in a well-regulated economy with strong workers rights and good government oversight.
I think you just identified the ogre within you.
Michael,
That’s the place to start. Isn’t it? Find the ogre. 🙂
Thanks.
Excellent tips for those of us who love a man in this phase of his life. We can point our husbands–or whoever the gentleman in question might be–to this helpful article. Maybe I’ll just share these nuggets and pretend they’re my own . . . Many thanks!
Canice,
That’s quite okay to make them your own. I just listened and make them my own as well. It’s paying it forward. Also, I have lived this.
Hi G,
Even though it might be true about corporate America, we have to decide whether we allow that to be true for us or take the reigns of our lives. We decide. Focus on you and not corporate America.