Doyin Richards discusses his evolving life, his plans for the future, and shows us just how amazing and important change can be.
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I made one of the toughest decisions of my life last week. A decision that will change the dynamics of my family for the foreseeable future. Here’s how it all went down.
For the past eight years I’ve worked in Learning & Development for a large corporation — and for some reason unbeknownst to me, people are surprised that I could hold a full-time corporate job, maintain a blog, and be a doting daddy to my daughters. I’m here to tell you that it is very possible to do all of those things and do them well. Is it easy? No. It’s actually pretty damn difficult and I’m always in a perpetual state of exhaustion, but it can be done.
I’m one of the lucky ones because I have a job where I enjoy the work I do, I like the people I work with, and I report to competent and compassionate leaders. Additionally, my colleagues read my blog and support my mission of evolving fatherhood. No matter how I slice it, I couldn’t ask for a better team to work with and work for.
So what’s the problem, you ask?
I want more.
I want to spend more time with my daughters. When I take a moment to reflect, I can remember DDW1′s birth as if it happened yesterday. Now she’s 3.5 years old and my baby is turning into a little lady. It’s even crazier with her baby sister. A few of you who have followed me for a while remember this post from July 2013. Can you believe it’s a year later? I know I can’t. DDW2 is walking, talking, and even dancing. I want to be present to see more of these amazing milestones.
I want more for myself. As all of you should know by now, my first book titled, Daddy Doin’ Work: Empowering Mothers To Evolve Fatherhood releases on September 2nd. Did you buy your copy yet? If not, what are you waiting on? Hit up Amazon and reserve your copy today! So far the early reviews are extremely positive. Check out what these folks have to say about it:
I am many things in this life: son, brother, athlete, lover, fighter, actor, producer, writer,etc. But the first word I use to describe myself and the job I take most pride is the role of DAD. Doyin takes this role as seriously as I do and he writes in a very conversational and straightforward way that makes you feel like you’re sharing coffee with him, not reading his book. A must-read for all modern fathers.– Dean CainActor, producer, and dad
I wish every father could parent in the same modern and supportive way that Doyin does. His book is something every new and expecting dad could benefit from and every new mom will be eternally grateful for!– Jill SmoklerScary Mommy and New York Times best-selling author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies)
Doyin created a really important book that talks about the ways in which men are evolving and changing in the 21st century. He masters the combination of being informative, casual, insightful and entertaining all while making you feel like you are sitting in a room having a conversation with him.
– Lisa HickeyCEO of The Good Men Project
This is a down to earth, straight- shooting and humorous depiction of what fatherhood often is as well as what it could and should be!
– Alan BlanksteinFounder of the Hope Foundation and award winning author of Failure Is Not an Option®♦◊♦
If you couldn’t tell, I’m very passionate about the book, and there’s no way I can give it the attention it deserves (nationwide book tour, speaking appearances, etc.) if I’m working full-time in corporate America.
Because of those reasons, I flew across the country, took a deep breath, walked into my boss’s office, and handed in my resignation in person. Eight years of doin’ work for the company will come to an end on August 1st – as will the security of a steady income. Is that scary? Yes, it’s scary. However, I’ve never felt better about a decision in my life. I want to be home to spend more time with my girls. I want to have the freedom to chase my personal dreams of being an author and an activist for fatherhood. There was no chance of that happening in my current state, so that’s why I’m taking the plunge and not looking back.
Now that you have the full backstory, here are a few quick thoughts I have about all of this:
#1 — Taking a big risk is really exhilarating: My wife makes good money as a president of a medical practice, but we need the money I bring in to stay afloat. The pressure is squarely on me because I promised her that I’d get it done and she expects nothing less. Sure, I could have just played it safe and stayed where I am, but as I mentioned — I want more for myself and my family. I could never be fully happy if I continued down this path, and doing so would make me a less engaged husband, daddy, and employee. Nobody wins in that scenario.
I’m looking forward to the challenge because I have faith that I’m going to make it all work out. Sure there’s a feeling of fear, but there’s also an adrenaline rush that comes along with this new chapter. Since I delivered my resignation last week, I feel more alive and excited about life and the future — and you can’t put a price tag on that. Editor’s Note: To clarify, taking calculated risks are exhilarating, not stupid ones. For example, if you visit Compton rocking a T-shirt that reads, “I Hate Black People,” that will probably get you shot. Don’t do that.
#2 — Some of my followers are upset because they thought I was a stay-at-home dad all along: This is something I’ll never understand. Other than the times I took paid paternity leave from my job, at what point in my two-year blogging career did I ever state that I was a SAHD? The answer is never. All it takes is a ridiculously minimal amount of effort to visit the About DDW page of my blog or the “About” section of my DDW Facebook page to read that I work in corporate America. We all know what happens when we assume, right? I never talk about my job on my blog because it’s a blog about being a dad. Besides, if I spent time talking about my job, you would be extremely bored, trust me.
After I made the announcement on social media that I’m leaving my job to spend more time with my family and chase my dreams, the reactions were overwhelmingly positive (thank you!), but there were some people (each of them were women) who sent emails to say there’s no way I could be a good dad if I worked a full-time job, or I’m a fraud because I spent more time in the office than being a dad.
Time for another book plug: my book has the tagline, Empowering Mothers To Evolve Fatherhood. Quite honestly, no women need to read my book more than the ones who came at me with that Neanderthal garbage. Are they saying that the only good dads out there are SAHDs? What about the single dad who works two jobs to support his kids? What about the dad who busts his ass at his job AND comes home to be an actively involved parent while his spouse stays home with the kids full-time? Are these men “frauds,” too? What about the parents reading this blog post at work while their children are in day care because both mom and dad have to work in order to survive? Do they hate their kids? You seriously have to be the Prime Minister of Douchebagistan to believe any of that nonsense.
Most reasonable people understand that being a good dad (or mom) has zero to do with whether a person works outside of the home or not.
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#3 — Follow your dreams: How many times have you seen an inspirational meme on social media and shared it with your friends and family? In doing so, you’re thinking, “Wow, this is so true!” — but then you go back to doing whatever it was you were doing? If so, don’t feel bad. I was the same way. It’s easy to be inspired by words on a computer screen, but it’s really hard to turn that inspiration into tangible action. For the first time in forever (damn you, Frozen), I’m taking a leap of faith by going after my dreams and spending more time with my girls. Is there a chance I will fall flat of my face and embarrass myself? Of course there is. Will I regret making this decision down the road? Hell no.
If you’re going to take any of the words to heart in this blog post, I hope these are the ones: IF YOU HAVE A DREAM, DO THAT SHIT. People laughed at me when I told them I wanted to start a blog about being a dad. Even more people laughed at me when I told them I wanted to be a published author. It looks like the joke’s on them.
No matter what you want to do in life, there will be people in your ear telling you that you can’t do it.
- “Do you know how hard it is to start a business? All of them fail within two years!”
- “There are so many blogs out there. Nobody is going to listen to what you have to say.”
- “You can’t lose weight. If you could, you would’ve done it by now. Just be happy with who you are.”
- “I know your man isn’t great, but what man is? All men are assholes. You shouldn’t leave him. It’s hard being a single mom.”
- “You really want to go back to school and get your degree with people half your age?”
- “You’re going to leave your corporate job to spend time at home with the kids and be an author? That’s really selfish and irresponsible of you.”
Bullshit. All of it is a steaming, festering, fly-covered pile of ass chocolate. Nobody can tell you what you can and can’t do except for you. Here’s a secret: the most successful people you see in life aren’t the funniest, best-looking, smartest, etc. They are simply the ones who never gave up. One of my favorite quotes is, “Every somebody was a nobody who refused to quit.”
The fact of the matter is all of us have an expiration date and each day that passes gets us closer to it. I can’t speak for any of you, but that scares the crap out me. I needed to do something. There were two choices in front me: A) play it safe by listening to the naysayers, or B) punch life in the mouth as if it stole my lunch money.
By now you know exactly what I decided. I don’t want to be on my deathbed wondering, “What if?” Because even if I fail, I can smile and say, “At least I tried.”
In less than two weeks my new life begins and I’m excited for what the future holds. Big thanks to ALL of you for your kind words and support because this DDW thing would be nothing without all of you. I’m so glad you’re coming along for the ride with me.
And if you need a little extra motivation to go after your dreams, take 60-seconds out of your day to watch this video from Jim Carrey.
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This article originally appeared on Daddy Doin’ Work.
Photo credit: duncan c/flickr