If You’d Sleep With Her, You Can’t Call Her a Slut

Sponsored Content

Premium Membership, The Good Men Project

About HowAboutWe.com

The Date Report, is a blog over at dating site HowAboutWe.com It works like this: 1) Invent fun dates. 2) Ask people out. 3) Do something awesome, together. Sign up for free here. Follow along on Twitter and Facebook

Comments

  1. Hi Howaboutwe.com

    ✺”If you don’t like the choices a woman makes about whom she sleeps with and when, you are more
    than welcome not to sleep with her. But to continue to judge single women for having the audacity to
    sleep with who they want to—something that single men are generally congratulated for—is to
    perpetuate an antagonistic dynamic between the sexes that has seen its day. If the ethical argument is lost on you here, think of it this way, guys: does it really benefit you to
    make women feel hesitant to express their sexuality?”✺

    You ask the question:
    “Does it really benefit you to make women feel hesitant to express their sexuality ?”
    Yes as a woman, I think men see this as beneficial . So much of what men do has to do with their constant competition with other men. Many men want a woman that other men can’t snatch from them. And I wonder if they think the more open and impulsive she is sexually, the more chance that an other man can seduce her or worse , make her leave you .

    In addition that they also fear that a sexually experienced woman will compare them with her former lover, and see they are not good enough not in bed.
    They compete with other men even when they make love to a woman.

    And many men think a woman that is no longer a virgin, will leave them one day if they marry her.
    Virgins however are made of better stuff, they stay with you for life, you don’t have to fear the competition from other men. And she has already proven that she can control her passions 100%.

    It is so sad.

  2. Hank Vandenburgh says:

    I’m with this, and I’m hardly a beta. This word disappeared for a while in the late 60s and 70s. It popped up again with the sex-negativity that came in with the 80s. Hint: much of the time, it’s women who push it…

  3. Thank you Scott for writing this. I think we (men) need to start having more thoughtful conversations about the unintended consequences of our choices.
    I took this a little further in my article http://www.forgeover.com/articles/2013/06/18/slut-shaming-from-a-mans-perspective and am curious if you would agree with my approach.

  4. Stacey Warren says:

    I think the point of being called a slut is being missed. It’s not that she sleeps with a lot of men, but why she sleeps with a lot of men. Basically to seek approval. It’s about a damaged ego and lack of healthy boundaries. It’s these women thinking that they have nothing to offer anyone accept their bodies as a plaything for men whom, they assume, wouldn’t otherwise be interested. It’s about having no self worth. Don’t try to make it about empowerment. That’s like putting icing on a turd and calling it cake. Still a turd anyway you slice it.

    • There are two problems with your ‘logic’. First is your assumption of her motivations; you really have no clue why a woman makes her sexual choices. It’s likely there are women who engage in casual sex due to a low self esteem, but you don’t know that. Many women engage in casual sex because they simply enjoy it. The second problem with your ‘logic’ is that you think that just because a woman is engaging in casual sex for the ‘wrong reasons’ (ie because she is trying to pump up her self esteem through what we’re assuming is male attention though it could be female), you have a right to judge that decision. You don’t. Men and women alike sometimes seek attention of the gender they’re sexually attracted to for the purposes of pumping up their ego, but it’s not your business to judge that. Why do you care?

  5. The double standards are the big problem, here. I was abstinent since my divorce in 2007. A man I had dated when I was 20, before my marriage, came back into my life in 2012. He remembered my high drive. He teased me for a month before I gave in. Then….he shamed me for sleeping with him. It devastated me. My sex drive is dead. It’s been almost 2 years. No desire whatsoever. He did a real number on me.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] another great perspective on sluts, check out this post by Scott Alden of HowAboutWe.com “If You’d Sleep With Her, You Can’t Call Her a Slut” in which he brings up the fantastic point: If you don’t like the choices a woman makes [...]

Speak Your Mind