Lady Chatterley describes some of her goals for getting back the fireworks in her marriage in 2014
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I’m not sure what it is exactly, and I’ll admit that it’s still early days, but something about 2014 already feels different. Since the clocks ticked over to 1 January, I’ve felt a renewed sense of hope, a new purpose and the desire to fine tune my life.
I’ve never been one for New Year’s resolutions, mainly because I’m impatient and tend to want to fix things that aren’t working as they arise, rather than fix things at the start of a shiny new year. And yet, a new year full of blank days and nights not yet written, presents such a wonderful opportunity to reflect on where my husband and I are, and where we’d like to be.
We have had a difficult few years of illness, stretches of unemployment and loss piled upon loss. We’ve limped our way through it together, our relationship stronger for the challenges we’ve faced. What I’ve realised however, is that good relationships can (and will) also experience wear and tear, life eroding even the strongest of bonds.
And so, here’s a list of things I’d like to focus on in my relationship this year:
1. More Kissing
How quickly we forget the pleasure of kissing like teenagers. Kissing just for kissing’s sake and not as a flimsy gateway to sex. When was the last time I kissed you as you left for work? Back when I’d be counting down the hours until I could kiss you again. Let’s relearn the craft of the kiss this year. The intimacy of a good kiss can be more potent than sex. After all, it all began with a kiss. And that’s something to be treasured.
2. More Passion(s)
We’ve fought hard to keep ourselves as two individuals, to hold on to the “I” and not collapse into the “we.” With parenting, work, and one another, there’s often little time left over for ourselves. Which old passions and interests have been tossed aside because of the collapse of time? Let’s not forget that we’re individuals outside of our marriage with our own friends, goals and lives. Let’s make sure that a little time is scooped up and set aside for each other to spend an afternoon reading in the park or a boozy night out with friends. Time to write. To run. To exist.
3. More Sex
Do you remember, before kids, when we’d spend whole Sunday afternoons in bed? Sometimes, we’d swallow an entire day lazily alternating between sex and sleep. We’d stop to eat Chinese takeaway on wrinkled sheets and begin all over again. Let’s reclaim some of those afternoons. Send the kids out with a babysitter for a few hours. Decide on sex instead of reading the news when they’re napping. We’ll never have those decadent afternoons back again, week after week like our early days together, but the magic of those times can be recaptured.
4. More Spontaneity
Where did the spontaneity go? It’s been lost, absorbed into the perfect storm of toddler nap times, work schedules that bleed across weekdays into nights and weekends and the ease of choosing a lazy evening at home on the couch, over something more “exciting.” Let’s chase it again. Have picnics in the park after work during the long, light-filled afternoons of summer. Choose a place we’ve never been and jump into the car for a road trip. Let’s lie in the grass and watch the stars, like we used to. You’ll make up names for the constellations and I’ll believe you. Because I always did. And I always will. Like the sex in our old life, we’ll redefine spontaneity to suit our new life again. And it will splash a little colour back into our weeks.
5. More Gratitude
I tell you I love you every single day. And yet love is more than just those words. I don’t tell you enough how grateful I am that you eat my food happily even though I’m a terrible cook. That you read everything I write, send me links to poems and articles you know I’ll love and tell me I still make your tummy jump when you look at me. So I’ll say thank you more often. I’ll make sure you know that these small things, along with so many others are the scaffold of our marriage. That I need them. That I need you.
Do you have any relationship resolutions for 2014?
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image credit: Flickr/PreciousBytes
Other articles by Lady Chatterley:
Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?
I Love You but You Don’t Complete Me
Love this top 5 list @MsChatterly…
YES I agree to all of the above (I started in 2013 and the trend is just increasing for 2014!!)
Would add – #6 More SHARING. Being an alpha woman, I spend lots of time doing and less time being. Also I have preferred the company of men a lot in my life so sharing (more) with women and hanging with awesome, bright, interesting women who are living their fullest life… so appealing! Women are the untapped power of the world