Some values never lose their importance they just go out of style—time to bring this one back in a big way.
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There was a time not too long ago where if a man gave his word, looked you in the eye, and shook your hand it was as good as a signed contract. This cultural understanding was so strong that you were simply not considered a real man if your word could not be trusted. My, how things have changed.
Integrity vs. Convenience
One definition of integrity (and the one I happen to subscribe to) is “being your word.” That means doing what you said you would do, when you said you would do it and in the way that most people would expect it to be done. And in the event you failed to do so, apologize to those affected and reaffirm your commitment. So simple, yet very powerful.
Unfortunately, we have very few role models (either male or female) in today’s culture that reflect this kind of ethical code. Apparently, it is now far to restraining, inconvenient and otherwise cumbersome to be shackled to something as ephemeral as one’s word. In our manic “reach your goals at all costs” world, the value of one’s word is often the first to go by the wayside.
Even something as simple and seemingly innocent as showing up late for a meeting or appointment undermines our sense of integrity. Externally these kinds of actions impact others (typically in a negative way) and therefore erode trust by others. And even worse, that little voice we all have reminds us that we also can’t trust or depend upon ourselves.
How many times have you had a conversation with someone who made some sort of promise (even enthusiastically so) only to fail to do what they said they would do. Regardless of the excuses they give you (if any at all), there is still a part of you that feels disappointed and frankly less trusting of that individual. There is a good reason the old saying “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” is still so applicable today.
Manhood Lost & Found
While the idea of being one’s word is not gender-specific, I think for men it has even greater importance. Part of who we are as men, how we see ourselves, and how others see us – is greatly impacted by how trustworthy our word is regardless of circumstances. Culturally speaking, men have typically been looked upon as the ones to depend upon. That idea starts crumbling quickly when a man fails to do what he said he would do.
So imagine what your life would look like if every time you gave your word to something (i.e. said you would do something) and you actually kept your word. And every time you failed to keep your word (even due to circumstances beyond your control) you apologized to those impacted and reasserted your promise to be true to your word from that point on. Forget for a moment how others would see you in that case. How would you feel about yourself? Now imagine having a mate, friend or associate who you knew their word was as good as gold. That would be a very special and different kind of relationship, wouldn’t it?
It’s Not About Morality
Many people tend to equate being or not being one’s word as a moral issue. In so doing they miss the point and effectively eviscerates its power. Remove the context of moral judgment and it becomes clear that being your word will always serve your best interests (in the long run) and your sense of who you are as a human being. And it is also something you have total control over.
Cheery cynics will chide that this kind of behavior is simply not reasonable in a society so advanced and utterly nuanced as ours. I respectfully disagree. This is not something that the masses will all of a sudden follow like some new fad. It starts with the person you see in the mirror every day. Being able to look him or her in the eye and know that what comes out of your mouth later materializes. And in so doing you build an abundant bank account of self-respect that no one (except you) can ever take from you.
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image credit: DepositPhotos
Thank you so much for writing this article. I am so pleased that you have taken the time to write and post this article. I think many people minimize the value and importance of integrity of relationships – of all kinds, and dismiss the degree to which their actions (or lack thereof) affect the people in their lives. Integrity is the crux and the bond that keeps relationships healthy and strong.
Great Article.
Michael, I really appreciate this message. While I lean toward the moral argument, I completely agree that in the long run the benefits outweigh the short-term gains of not keeping your word. I’m so glad I found this article and plan to share it on my personal blog this week.
Thanks,