There exist these beautiful little memories that are etched deep — sitting idly in their impeccably preserved state, still filled with all the hope and anticipation of the moment they were created. The time you might have kissed, but you couldn’t be late to that place you were supposed to be… Out of all the details, the place you were supposed to be is the one you’ve forgotten, and now you wish you would have stayed a moment more. Just to see what might have happened.
Other moments we might wish to reinforce or reabsorb, driving them deeper in. Perhaps we never wish to forget the way a good friend inspired fits of laughter at the most inappropriate of times… because he passed away too young, and can no longer inspire you in this way.
But some memories are anachronisms existing outside of their time — possibly holding us in a pattern of expectation, willing us to wait for these moments we might never have been destined for.
And, damn, we have collected so many! We store them in the little closets of our minds, labeling them carefully with DO NOT TOUCH, OR DIE! stickers.
It’s a scary thought to fold away these old recollections still harbored. It feels as though you are packing up a box of your once most valuables to be donated and never seen again (dang you, Army Surplus!).
And while your heart might ache a little when acknowledging this dark truth (as mine does), it is the clearing of this “lovely clutter” that allows us to make room for the new moments meant to be made. Our new adventures must be had — the new trinkets collected and stored so that new bits of wisdom can be gained (even if painfully acquired).
I know you might be thinking, “One day, I’ll wear that again.” Or, “Oh, I’ll be needing that half-torn impression of the peanut-butter-smudged note that Grady passed me in class when we were in 2nd grade.” We may never want to pull all the items out and sort them because we know how savage the spring-cleaning hand can be. “Better to keep it for a rainy, you know… in case I need it!” But you may never.
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I, however, might have an acceptable solution. Now, this is not for the serious stuff, right? There are some things we should never forget. But the others? The things that aren’t meant for us, that damaged us, that blemished our poor little closets, or the “can never be’s.” Those can be given to a keeper — a memory keeper, of sorts.
Start by creating a special folder on your computer, phone, or other device (hidden or not) if you choose to save the memories. Then, using a voice recording app or analog, record each memory in GREAT detail and recite with ALL of the feeling you can muster — like you’re telling a friend or speaking to the person it’s about, etc. Do so as if you’re saying goodbye for the last time.
Either save them to the special folder you created, send them to the someone(s) involved or other designated keepers, or simply erase them. Whatever you choose to do, you must release the remembrances from your closet and give them to their new keeper to make room.
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I’m not gonna lie to you, a sense of anxious fear rose up even writing this part, so I know how incredibly difficult this process may be. But I also don’t wish to continue carrying around all of the odds and ends that are making it difficult to progress — I’m tripping all over myself, here!
We’re just making a little extra space, a little extra at a time. This will allow for tidier mind closets, ones to store new bobs-n-bits in — which will probably have to be cleared out one day as well.
But the point is to keep creating them. The memories. They are what make the life we lead meaningful, humorous, devastating, crazy, exciting, scary, alluring, creative, passionate, promising, courageous, fruitful, romantic, spectacular, nerve-wracking, complicated, important, worthwhile. And a life with that many (and more!) adjectives is what we should all strive for.
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An Extra Little Something Special To Leave You With
Have you watched Thoraya’s YouTube content? She generally asks strangers to be extraordinarily vulnerable on or off camera… I’m talking extraordinarily.
“Strangers Confess Their Love Through Love Letters,” is particularly tough on my sensibilities, so I’ll link for your sensibilities to be toughed-on!
Effing tough, right?!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Jon Tyson on Unsplash