Given my family’s background as intellectuals and my own goal to just fit in, my success in generating wealth has left me ambivalent about it. I take seriously the fiduciary duty to my family to continue to make investments that increase rather than diminish the value of our portfolio. I am still just as vicious when real money is at stake in a competitive situation.
But with wealth has come the need to worry about the wealth: the need to fit in with people that I am not sure I fit in with, the need to figure out our obligation to family members who are struggling, the need to face into our responsibility to human beings in general who are struggling, the need to raise kids that aren’t spoiled by privilege.
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Angus Deaton, a professor of economics and international affairs at Princeton University, recently worked with Gallop to poll 450,000 Americans about their state of well-being or happiness. While happiness increases along with annual household incomes up to about $75,000, beyond that, earning more money has no effect on day-to-day contentment, according to the study. These findings were published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Higher incomes did increase the people’s longer-term perception of the direction of their life, however.
This makes sense. As long as food and shelter are at risk, day-to-day happiness is highly correlated with money. But beyond that point, the issue becomes quite a bit more complicated. In addition, the average household income in 2008 was $71,000 (the median was actually $51,000 because of the impact of small numbers of very wealthy families), so doing at least as well as most other people—think my Echo Hill problem—also has an impact.
Above the threshold where money makes the difference between being able to feed, clothe, shelter, and transport your family, the “hedonism” trap comes into play. We work harder to get more stuff to make us feel better about ourselves, only to work even harder to buy even more expensive stuff with the false expectation that money will ultimately buy us happiness, when it cannot, no matter how financially successful we become.
Harvard Professor Tal Ben-Shahar has become famous for his positive psychology and books on happiness. He says:
There is a common misperception concerning the relationship between happiness and success. Much research illustrates that contrary to what most people think, success does not lead to lasting happiness. The opposite, in fact, is the case: happiness leads to success. When we increase our positive experiences, we enjoy a whole range. By raising our levels of well-being we can enjoy more success in our personal lives and in our organizations.
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“There is a common misperception concerning the relationship between happiness and success. Much research illustrates that contrary to what most people think, success does not lead to lasting happiness. The opposite, in fact, is the case: happiness leads to success.”
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I, personally, am not ready to throw the towel in completely on being rich, but it certainly isn’t enough to create sustained happiness. And it often comes with a heavy cost (see: “Crash & Learn”). To me, the real issue is about meaning. What really means the most in our lives and how does money relate to that?
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When all you do is hang around with rich guys, you end up in a pretty boring bubble. I thought the guy driving the Porsche was an asshole, and that I too must be an asshole, not really because he was driving an expensive car but because that was how I was defining him and myself. I don’t really hate rich guys. I hate guys who are only rich. And it turns out few are, as much as the false bravado of deal jocks like me would sometimes lead you to believe that were the case.
For me, what cuts through the superficiality of money and toys and greed is the connection created from hearing or reading a true story about another man’s life who has struggled with challenges completely different from my own. My motivation in becoming a writer was to seek out and spend time with guys who I thought were cool or inspirational: athletes, soldiers, scientists, musicians, and inmates.
In my interviews with these guys, money—mine or theirs—rarely came up.
What we talked about was far more important. That’s what I think we all collectively, myself included, forget all too often: that real life is way more important than money in and of itself.
But then that’s pretty damned easy for me to say. The wealth gods have been very kind to me. It’s a hell of a lot harder to get philosophical when they are foreclosing on your house.
If money is overrated as a source of happiness for the top half, it is still profoundly important for those with not enough. And the disparity between the two is widening to the point of collapse. To even the most draconian rich guy, I say the current American way of life is not sustainable if the majority of people have no real chance.
Just listen to Jon Stewart:
Fixing the education system is easier than hoarding gold, securing a food source, and stashing weapons against a coming class war, about which at least a couple of my craziest wealthy friends are quite serious.
I am not going to pretend any of this is easy even to talk about. It’s hard for me to get much clarity on even my own ambivalence about wealth. But it’s time to break the silence. Until we do, we are all operating under a system that looks more and more like a third-world country where all the money is in a few hands, and those few suffer the delusion that it alone will make them happy.
One could certainly ask the question: isn’t speaking the truth about money not only part of being a happy man, but being a good man too?
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Money photo: borman818/Flickr
Graffiti photo: FOUND by ansahe onyslio
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About Tom Matlack
Vocalyze
I’m a musician. Well, I’m really a musician, artist, writer… but I don’t really get to do it much. I spend most of my days in severe depression. I went to college – two of them in fact, and I’ve been employed during the entire economic crisis.
Most days, I see my income – 66% of it after taxes – going out the door so fast I have just enough to buy groceries and gas for my car to get to work. I have one luxury – a cell phone that’s far removed from the top of the line, gotta have it Apple stuff.
I realize that I may very well be working the rest of my life, bouncing from one office job to another. I dream about touring around, making music and performing it, collaborating with others and such, but I’m so busy trying to stay afloat, I don’t even have time to dream much anymore.
I feel like life isn’t very fulfilling. Some days I don’t even feel like life even means anything. And it’s because I’m shackled to a system that says “WORK. EARN. OBEY.”, and then pummels me like I’m Rodney King if I don’t.
I say this to the rich. Feel very fortunate. Remember that there are people out there that are being subjected to how cruel the world can be daily. A caged bird cannot fly. I can’t even feel my wings anymore.
I think rich people don’t even realize how lucky they are.
I think rich people feel like martyrs.
Tom, thanks much for having the guts to talk about this (and I’m sorry that I missed it when you first wrote it). I think it’s really one of the most important issues our country faces, and it’s kind of astounding to me what a blind spot people really have about it.
You’re completely right, of course, that money does buy happiness up to a certain point – the point at which you can pay the bills and have enough left over to do some things that mean something to you, and hopefully put away a little in savings against your retirement or kids’ college or in case you’re ever out of work. And you’re right that many, many people are not at that point, so “money can’t buy happiness” certainly does ring hollow to anyone in that situation.
But I think where things get fuzzy is once you get past that point. It seems people either have an attitude of “the richer the better,” or they think rich people are assholes. What’s bizarre to me is that no one qualifies wealth; they only quantify it. To many people, Money = success and success = happiness, and anyone who is rich therefore deserves respect and power. Some people, of course, are also base enough to believe that likewise if you’re poor, you deserve it somehow, but that’s another story. The real story is that (at least once you get past that threshold of being able to comfortably pay for your basic needs) how much money you have isn’t the meat of the matter; it’s how did you come by your money, and what do you do with it?
You touched on this a bit, Tom, when you said that what matters is whether your life has meaning, and that while you’re OK with people who are rich, you don’t like people who are only rich. When money becomes an end and not a means to an end, you have too much. It’s a burden and it makes you unhappy at best and an asshole at worst.
So, just to ask you a couple of pointed questions – and I certainly don’t mean this as a personal attack on you, because as I’ve already said, I think it’s extremely courageous and self aware of you to bring it up. But for one thing I’m just curious as to your answers, and mainly I would hope it would help you to reach some clarity about this, which you say has been tough for you:
1) You say the first thing you did when you became wealthy was to run out and get a custom Porsche. Why? I’ve always wanted to ask someone this because I can’t relate to it at all; if I suddenly became wealthy I’d never go buy something like that. I know, you might say “It’s a guy thing; dudes dig sports cars,” but neither would I go out and buy 300 pairs of expensive shoes or diamond jewelery. It just doesn’t interest me at all, and I’m uncomfortable with ostentatious displays of wealth. You seem to be, too, based on your reaction to that other guy in a Porsche similar to yours. So… why the Porsche?
2) You said “I take seriously the fiduciary duty to my family to continue to make investments that increase rather than diminish the value of our portfolio. I am still just as vicious when real money is at stake in a competitive situation.” Why? If you and your family have everything you need, why does that still matter?
3) This website is full of ads, and although I love the site and its content, the ads are so pervasive (and the auto-refresh on each page to serve more ads is particularly annoying) that it does detract from the user experience. Why? It can’t cost all that much to run the site, and I’m guessing you don’t “need” the ad revenue. Is there some ingrained part of your consciousness that feels that anything you venture into must be profitable in terms of dollars, to be worthwhile? Because I would beg to differ with that. This site has incredible intrinsic, human value and you are blessed with the means to provide the space for this conversation. Why not well and truly give it away freely?
Maybe it’s my perspective as a musician – I can really relate to what Kerry said above. Money to me equals time and funds to do creative things. Making more money, being around people you really don’t want to be around, all those things you said you didn’t like – I can’t stand any of that either. I could have gone considerably further in my career but have passed over numerous opportunities to do so, because life’s too short to spend so much time around assholes. For me, I eschew all that even though I make a lot less money than you do – I can’t even imagine continuing to be in that world if I had shitloads of money. I’d be off playing music, building a sustainable home that I’d try to turn into a model for “regular people,” funding other music and art, buying land to donate as public space, developing the educational computer game I want to develop, doing charitable work – there are SO many things I could think of to do if I had the wealth and time, if I didn’t have to work a “day job”. As it is, my day job isn’t bad and it gives me at least some resources to do the things I want to do. But I could do so much more if I had all day to do it, and enough funding. I can’t imagine wanting to spend that time dealing with more assholes to make even more money. As far as we know, you only get one life and as far as I’m concerned we should spend it surrounding ourselves with people we love and doing things that will leave the world a better place than we found it.
I realize we come from different places, and you don’t have the same types of dreams that I do. And maybe the way people become “only rich” is because they don’t have any dreams at all besides making more money. But it’s pretty clear that you do, and you don’t have to take any kind of vow of poverty to explore those possibilities and to realize that you can still be rich without always having to get richer, and in fact sometimes it feels damned good to LOSE money on something you truly care about. You’re in a position where it’s OK to think radically differently about money, and that would kick ass.
The truth of this recession is not just one issue there are many things that have taken place. Just like many things take place to create wealth there is also the other side of the coin. All of the people’s actions, the government, the laws and mentality are what has brought this country down. People don’t want to worship god anymore and they expect to be wealthy. The government is doing a horrible job at protecting civil and religious liberties. Socialism is creeping in from under the door due to stupid choices that have been made by our liberal leaders. Political leaders are focused more on an image rather than brains and when we place a person in the presidency just because of his image and because of whom he knows it is a big mistake. Leaders have to have morals and be prepared to take charge without blaming anyone for the situation. From the moment that we start to violate the constitution and we disregard the framework of law created by the founding fathers then our laws become void without any authority. E.g. Richard Whitney, Halliburton Scandal, Bernard Mad off, Enron Scandal all these are just a few of the economic problem. Moreover, the problem with Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac the real problem here was not the stated income lending but the increase in the price of the housing market and the responsible one should have been the government for not placing a cap on the price of homes. This issue is endless and the ones to blame is not just one group of people but many areas of society, economics and political.
You description of the “family shareholders” is so funny…My neighbor is dating a guy from a wealthy family (oilfields in Texas!) but it seems that all he does is play golf and constantly drunk call her….Charming, ay? She broke up with him for 9 months and then he won her back with a huge diamond ring…I don’t know him that well but it seems that he just thinks people are just his little playthings to entertain him…
Great article…Thanks for digging deep!
What a GREAT article! I have always said that most women have a “love-hate” relationship with money, but now you’ve spilled the beans for me… men do, too! Even financially successful men.
I appreciated the honesty with which you were able to sort through your own feelings about money, including the judgment placed on others who might be not so different from you. It has always struck me that prejudice against the rich is a great way to keep ourselves stuck in not-so-empowering financial positions ourselves, since we tend not to move towards that which we despise. As you said (in slightly different words), driving a Porsche doesn’t make someone as asshole nearly as much as assuming that everyone who drives a Porsche is an asshole does. (Though I think you said it better… I’ll be quoting you in a blog post soon.)
I found the statistics on education and wealth very interesting, but I’m not sure I draw the same conclusions as you do. Yes, the gap between the haves and have-nots seems to be widening daily. And yet, as I pointed out recently while examining the question, “Are Things Getting Better or Worse?” (http://totalwealthcoaching.com/wp/are-things-getting-better-or-worse/ ) there is also unprecedented opportunity for the average person to compete in business due to advances in technology and communications (especially the internet).
Yes, Ivy league educations are going to be primarily accessed by the wealthy, but is an Ivy league education a necessity to business success in this day and age? (Heck, was it EVER necessary!?) The list of past and present billionaires who never finished or attended college is impressive, including Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Richard Branson, Andrew Carnegie, John D. Rockefeller, Sr., Henry Ford, Frank Lloyd Wright, Buckminster Fuller, and many more industry leaders. Gates was finally awarded an honorary degree in 2007, and Mark Zuckerberg left school to run his business.
There’s no question that educational opportunities are more limited to those with less money, but as the Thiel Fellowship insinuates, perhaps we’ve confused cause and effect when it comes to wealth and education. Perhaps a Harvard degree might be the equivalent of a Porshe these days… a nice status symbol.
Interesting mind-trip especially regarding your own self-awareness about your own want or desire to be rich. It is a very nuanced and layered issue. Thanks for sharing.
As soon as you make money, and lots of it people get jealous. Two partners and i have created over 120M in income, in the last 16 months with oilfield related investments. People just assume this comes with no work. Everyone can create somthing from nothing if you want it bad enough. And i get constant comments about how i just throw money away. If i make it i’m gonna spend it, just like anyone else.
Men caring about being rich (having status and power and coming off as “providers” to women is paralleled in our evolved psychology by women caring about being beautiful. Bottom line, it’s about appealing to the opposite sex. Lamenting our evolved adaptations is silly.