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I’m going to admit it…
I’m incredibly terrified of sunken ships. The opening scene in the film Titanic was, to me, much scarier than when the ship is actually sinking. Scuba diving? No thanks. Scuba diving at a shipwreck? No f’ing way, you creepy bastards.
One teenage summer, I was supposed to take a boat ride that launched from a rickety dock behind an old brick building with a mural that read MAX MILO PRODUCTIONS on the back. I already don’t love a dock, the whole idea of very biodegradable wood sitting in water holding you up is sort of bizarre, so when I looked down I saw a sunken rowboat, rotting away, covered in algae about 3 feet under the water, I became so dizzy and nauseated that I had to sit down right there on the dock and grip the planks with sweaty fingers until somebody told me to get up and stop being stupid.
I also hate big wooden ships with multiple sails. i.e. Old world pirate ships, fake pirate ships, the Niña the Pinta and the Santa Maria, the Mayflower, fake sunken pirate ships, fake sunken old fashioned passenger ships, any sort of clipper ship though if I’m being honest I’m not even sure what a clipper ship is, ships with tall masts that stick out of the water as some sort of sick twisted snorkeling adventure along the highway that runs the length of the Florida Keys, and I especially hate the ship that sets sail at the end of Goonies. I don’t care how much gold is on that ship, how annoying Mouth is being, or how hot Josh Brolin was back then, I want nothing to do with that goddamned ship.
So, now that I’ve confessed, tell me the truth. What’s your most irrational fear?
Also, related to your sunken ship phobia, when I was a kid, I used to have an unnatural fear of scurvy thanks to a sixth-grade history textbook. As such, I made myself eat, at least, an orange a day until college and I’d get antsy if I missed a day.
Moths freak me out.
Sharks….and I live in Arizona.
As long as you don’t touch “One-Eyed Willie’s” gold, you’re fine!
My irrational fear is that future generations will not know about The Goonies and so many fantastic pop culture references will fade into the sunset like an abandoned pirate ship 🙂
Right?!
I went to show it to my kids and realized that even aside from the not-scary-to-anyone-else pirate ship, that movie is TERRIFYING.
I want someone to write a parenting post titled “How Do You Explain Sloth to Children?” Because…. damn. How do you even… “Well, kids, it used to be that, if you dropped a kid on their head, they’d become… different… and maybe you’d nickname them Mongo or Sloth and… keep them in… chains….”
Why did I never, ever question Sloth’s origins as a kid?