Love or Overload?

For Mia, 18 years old and navigating through the tricky waters of young adulthood, meeting new friends has been both thrilling and intimidating. So, when Jake (20M) came into her life just two weeks ago, she says he really flirted with her at first. But as their interactions deepened, something felt off.

Before the third day of knowing one another, Jake declared his love for her. She immediately sneered at this and dismissed it as a sweet but premature gesture. Soon, however, his deeds overwhelmed her as well. He started buying gifts that she didn’t even hint towards nor ask for them, a constant tag to her being his “perfect,” and paragraphs that would make her bawl during her sleep.

Mia felt herself drained by his desire for constant validation through her. He’d start asking her if she is mad or wants to have her called if she does not respond quickly. She grew jealous of the time he spends talking to friends, getting upset whenever she tries spending time with other people.

It’s like Mia couldn’t be able to deal with trauma dumping consequences. Jake would share such deep, personal stories that she could feel this tremendous burden for his emotional well-being and at times declare he needed no one else in life but her — a statement that would bring mixed messages down her way, suffocating and confusing her.

Mia automatically was a people-pleaser, a person who had abhorrence towards disappointing others. She had found herself conflicting between the desire to set some space and the fear of possibly hurting Jake. As it deeply settled inside of her, though, she questioned whether this was healthy or being love-bombed, too. Was this really love or deception masked as love?

Mia sat alone in her room, staring at yet another unread text full of declarations of devotion. Her heart weighed down by what she hadn’t agreed to, she felt heavy. She wanted clarity but was scared of speech because she dreaded things might become worse.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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