True victory is victory over oneself.
– Aikido Founder O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba
Victory over oneself is not beating up on oneself. Since I was 8 years old and for most of my adult life, I beat up on myself so that I could be good enough. So that I could be good enough to be loved.
I’ve trained in Aikido for over 35 years. O-Sensei’s words are the most meaningful. When the bigger stronger man attacks, it’s me against me. I’m my greatest opponent, not him. There is no fight.
Ishibashi Sensei said, “The purpose of Aikido is to release your fear.” The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger. When the bigger stronger man attacks, I wait it out. I enter the attack, enter what I fear. I take a glancing blow if I have to. I’m always going to get away scot-free. The late Mizukami Sensei said, “It’s one time.”
Under the attack, I hold my position. Make my timing. I apply the Aikido technique to myself, not to the attacker. I work on myself, not on them. In the center of the attack, I open up. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough, my fear as the frightened 8-year-old boy. Although my fear inside never completely disappears, every time I enter what I fear, I let go more of my fear inside. I free myself. I’m free to be me. Free to live.
True victory over myself is working on myself to be the better person, the greater man. Although I’ll never achieve that victory, it’s about the journey, about the path. Just train. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not on the path. I give up being right and making others wrong. I’m of service to others and try to make a difference. It’s not all about me. It’s about others becoming the greatest they can be. That they see that in themselves, too.
In Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Hamlet contemplated suicide, “To be or not to be? That is the question.”
September is Suicide Prevention Month. World Suicide Prevention Day is September 10, 2025. According to the NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health) in 2024 over 49,300 people died from suicide. That’s 14.7 suicides per 100,000 people. Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the US.
Studies suggest that over 90% of suicide victims had one or more diagnosable mental health conditions at the time of their death, though those conditions are often untreated or undiagnosed.
Mental health conditions include:
– Major depression
– Bipolar disorder
– Substance use disorders
– Schizophrenia
– Anxiety disorders
– Borderline personality disorder
– Traumatic brain injury
I suffered from clinical depression. I worked with my therapist Lance Miller to heal my childhood trauma and depression. In my experience, depression is hating on myself, beating up on myself. Working with Lance, I forgive myself for being imperfectly human. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I practice that over, and over, and over again. Practice makes the unnatural natural. The late Mizukami Sensei said, “Just train.” I don’t have to get somewhere or be someone else. I put my head down. Put in the work. I’m good now.
In the abyss of my clinical depression, although I never contemplated suicide, I went to sleep at night praying I would die before I awoke the next morning. I feared living in suffering as much as death.
Maybe those 49,300 people who died from suicide, feared living in suffering more than death. I know what that’s like. Maybe instead of “the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune”, they chose the “undiscovered country”. That’s profoundly sad.
I healed from my childhood trauma and depression over the years. I choose life over the “undiscovered country”. True victory is victory over oneself. I had to overcome myself, work on myself, not on others. Still, I needed help. I don’t make the journey all by myself. We all need help sometimes.
Asking for help is strength, not weakness. I would know. I trained with the late Mizukami Sensei and train with Ishibashi Sensei in Aikido. I work with my therapist Lance Miller. I write about loving and forgiving thine own self on the Good Men Project with my editor Lisa Hickey. I have as much fun as I can for as long as I can. I try to make a difference for others and leave the world a better place than when I came into it. I have a life that I love. I have a meaningful life.
In the First Noble Truth of Buddhism, there will always be suffering in life. That’s just life. The Fourth Noble Truth of Buddhism is the path to end suffering. Find your path to end suffering. Find those who will help you on your path. Ask for help. That’s real strength. We all need help to invent the greatest versions of ourselves. I have nothing, but mad love and respect for all of you. Choose to be. Choose life.
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