Andrew Morrison-Gurza is embracing “the bag” as he goes to a photo shoot celebrating gay male bodies.
Recently, I received a notification via social media that a prominent gay organization in Toronto was looking to do a photo shoot celebrating all types of the gay male body. As I am sure you guessed, I jumped at the chance to be included here, as I want to ensure that Queers with Disabilities are represented. Anytime I hear the word photo shoot + models, I turn into Samantha Jones, hoping that I will snag myself a sexy model.
In a celebration of all body types, this shoot requires that the ‘models’ be nude. Now, normally I have no issue being naked; I am not at all being cocky here (pun intended), that is just one of few perks of needing help with your basic needs – your sense of privacy is completely changed, if existent at all. I have no issue going commando, and I love being naked (sexy naturalists, my number is…), but as a “boy in a chair” I had other concerns.
In order for me to be independent, I wear a leg bag. In everyday parlance, that basically means a bag that is attached to a condom that I can pee in freely (if the words “I”, “pee” and “freely” being so close together caused you giggle like you were 12 and first heard that joke, you win 1000 pts.). Many cripples I know use them, and they do allow for some freedoms when one is out…
…but they are one of the least sexiest things I have had to encounter. They have been the bane of my existence when I have attempted to engage in sexual congress with others (can you imagine the 30 minutes before a date or hookup trying to think of a sexy way to say, “Hey – wanna take off my bag?”), and they have caused me to cancel potential playmates for fear they would balk. You may indeed be wondering why I wouldn’t just ask my attendants to remove the bag prior to the hook up or date, right? While this is indeed logical, the nature of hookups is not. We have all dealt with no shows and walkouts, but add to that the fact that you have now removed a $4.00 condom, which you now have to reapply all b/c your bosom buddy failed to appear… lame sauce indeed.
Back to this opportunity: I was worried that my bag wouldn’t be sexy enough; so worried in fact that I almost backed out. I could have opted not to wear it at all for this shoot, but an hour and a half subway ride when one is bag-less can feel like an eternity (we’ve all seen those commercials for bladder incontinence…yup, that’d be me). I decided, in what even I have considered a “bold move” to embrace the bag. Now, while I have embraced many a bag in my day (rawr), this one is different. It made me realize that this is my reality. In agreeing to do this shoot very, very soon, I am making a statement – not only to my community, but to myself. I realized that I have bought in to the homo-normative ideals that I am trying to fight against. I will never have a six-pack, be able to leap buildings in a single-bound, or go into yoga poses during sex. But I will have my humour, my confidence, my wheels, and of course my bag.
If you want to find out more about my efforts to raise awareness and my work as a Disability Awareness Consultant, and book me for speaking opportunities, please visit: www.andrewmorrisongurza.com.
Editor’s note: All language as originally used by author.
Photo courtesy of the author
Also by Andrew Morrison-Gurza:
Boys in Chairs: What’s Love Got to Do With It
The Misadventures of Dating When Queer and Crippled
Why Sex with Someone with a Disability is the Best Sex You Could Be Having
Boys in Chairs: That Time I Locked My Lover Out and Couldn’t Let Him In
Boys in Chairs: Body Image, Boyfriends, Sexuality, and Self-Image
Boys in Chairs: Navigating Our Sex, Sexuality, and Sex Appeal…and Attendent Care
Non-Supportive Housing: The Lived Experience in Assisted Living Homes
Want the best of The Good Men Project posts sent to you by email? Join our mailing list here.