You have to do that for yourself.
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I never thought we’d be over. I thought we were finally together and that we’d probably get married and have kids. At a party, a friend even asked me if I thought we’d get married and I said “yep” without hesitation.
I never imagined that I would be the one who stopped loving her because I’d given my all to get her.
But I couldn’t deny it. Ok, well, I did deny it. But my actions betrayed me to myself.
I realized that I wasn’t in love with her long before I admitted and accepted it.
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Actions like wanting to spend more time with my friends than with her. Like preferring my own company to hers. Like planning on seeing her and then canceling. Like enjoying porn more than having sex with her.
And do you know what made it worse? The fact that she seemed to be ok with these things.
She never argued with me. She never asked me why I kept choosing my friends over her. She never said anything when we started having less and less sex.
I started to think to myself “I could probably do anything and she still wouldn’t leave me.”
Even lie to her. Even cheat on her.
I didn’t cheat on her. But if I would’ve cheated on her, she might’ve been mad or angry or upset… but she would’ve taken me back. Of course she would’ve.
Eventually, I realized that I wasn’t in love with her anymore. Well, I say realized. I realized that I wasn’t in love with her long before I admitted and accepted it.
But now was the time to end it.
And, after lots of tears from both of us, she said it:
“I know it sounds stupid but I’d rather be with you and be unhappy than not be with you and be happy.”
That’s when I knew we were over.
It’s helped me to understand that I want to be with someone who has self-esteem.
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I immediately knew I’d done the right thing by breaking up with her. I wasn’t in a healthy relationship. I could’ve done anything to her and she would’ve stayed with me.
That’s unconditional love. And that’s wrong.
And it’s unattractive. I didn’t want to be around someone like that. It made me want to just walk out of the room.
I want to be with someone who has enough self-esteem to know when they’re not being treated how they deserve to be treated.
I wasn’t treating her how she deserved to be treated. I was treating her how I knew I could treat her and still get away with it. She loved me unconditionally and I took advantage of it.
I’m not proud of it.
But…
It’s helped me to understand some things.
It’s helped me to understand that I want to be with someone who has self-esteem. It’s helped me to understand that I deserve better than to love another person unconditionally. And it’s helped me to understand that she is the only person who deserves her unconditional love.
And the same goes for me and my unconditional love.
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Photo: Pixabay
I guess you still have to learn about «unconditionnal love». You’re all wrong about you ex-girlfriend. Why you guys are publishing such important topics without investigating a bit? Don’t you know about low self-esteem? She didn’t love you, this is what we call codependency. The type of relationship you had with her was a childish one. Only children are looking for unconditionnal love. When you grow up as an adult, you build healty boundaries and you don’t rely on others to be happy.
I dunno, but unconditional love is a two way street, no? I wonder if the writer left her because of her self esteem or his selfishness as it seems to be all about him. Why was he with her in the first place, or did he contribute? Why did he not work with her to help raise her self esteem. Why was he not her rock, her pillar, her support system? Why did he not even try to help with that issue? maybe I’m wrong here, but my unconditional love would direct me to help her, but its also not… Read more »
This article truly gave me a light bulb moment ! I have always been of the belief that partners should love each other unconditionally, loving someone no matter who they are or what they do. The author helped me to see that “Only I” should love myself unconditionally. I should love myself enough not to let someone else treat with disrespect, unkindness, or any form of contempt. I also learned that I cannot expect my partner to love me well when I can’t live up to these standards for myself. I never want to be the person who allows someone… Read more »
You’re wrong. That’s not unconditional love, it’s self-harm. Many people who suffer through bad relationships because they are “in love” are actually just practicing a self-hatred. They refuse the protect themselves so that they can act out their belief that they deserve it or they won’t be able to find anyone else who cares for them or keep loneliness at bay. Unconditional love, practiced by an emotionally healthy person in a tumultuous relationship says, “I still love you, but I am removing myself from this relationship because it is harmful to me, whom I also love” or “The relationship is… Read more »