“I couldn’t live without sex!” “You must be gay.”
00:04
“You just haven’t met the right person yet.”
00:07
“Don’t worry – someone’ll put it in you.”
00:09
Oh, yay!
00:14
“But why?”
00:17
Do you want an explanation from me… Yeah.
00:20
..why I don’t jump to the first opportunity of having sex?
00:25
I used to and then I kind of said, “You know what?
00:28
“A stop needs to happen. A change needs to happen.”
00:30
I haven’t met the right person,
00:32
therefore I will remain a virgin until I meet the right person, OK?
00:36
If I wanted someone to touch me, it would be…
00:41
I’d have to know you really well before I’d trust you to do that,
00:45
because I have massive sensory issues.
00:48
I am on the asexual spectrum, so that is my sexual orientation.
00:54
I don’t feel sexual desire.
00:58
I kind of think the why doesn’t matter because…
01:01
I’ll tell you why, but
01:03
if someone else doesn’t want to tell you why, it’s none of your business.
01:09
“You must be gay.” Ooh!
01:11
I don’t know why people say that,
01:12
cos gay people definitely are out here fucking. So…
01:16
I mean, there’s a whole category of porn I could direct you to
01:18
if you don’t think they have sex.
01:20
My whole family thought I was gay.
01:22
They still DO think I’m gay, because I wouldn’t go home
01:25
and talk about boys.
01:27
The fact that I haven’t had sex is also used as a way to
01:29
discredit my queerness.
01:31
I don’t have any sexual desires. Yeah.
01:35
But I do have romantic desires,
01:37
and I fancy guys and I fancy girls.
01:41
I am bisexual without having had sex,
01:43
and I will continue to be bisexual after I’ve had sex.
01:48
“I couldn’t live without sex.”
01:50
You could.
01:52
I promise.
01:53
Nobody has died from not having sex.
01:57
You know when you’re on Twitter and just scrolling
01:59
through your feed, and you just see
02:00
that random person – “Oh, my God, I need dick right now.”
02:03
And you’re just like, “Ugh…”
02:06
It’s like, it’s not that serious.
02:08
You can live without sex for a couple of weeks or a month.
02:13
You know, if you’re not having sex, you’re like this ball
02:15
of frustration and rage, just waiting to explode at any point.
02:20
And for…
02:21
You know, it’s…it’s just different for different people. Yeah.
02:24
I guess we kind of find different ways to release our energies.
02:28
Meditation… Meditation, guys.
02:33
“Weirdo.”
02:35
Literally, I get called that so many times.
02:38
Like, I can’t… I’ve lost count.
02:39
She’s, like, to me…
02:41
“You’re a fucking weirdo if you don’t want to have sex with me.”
02:44
She actually looked me up and down, and then, “You’re a fucking weirdo.”
02:47
It’s the look on people’s faces that you get when you say,
02:49
“Oh, I’ve not had this, I’ve not found a girl as of yet.”
02:52
They just treat you differently. But usually there’s a certain
02:56
type of person that goes and says this kind of stuff – a beta male.
03:01
We live in a very, very sexualised culture,
03:04
that also shames sex.
03:06
It’s a culture that doesn’t really know what it wants.
03:08
Like, do you remember back in the day, like, everyone…
03:10
Like, you were literally a slag for, like…
03:13
Sleeping with your three-year boyfriend. Yeah!
03:16
“Oh, my God, you lost your virginity – you’re such a sket.”
03:21
“Never have I ever.”
03:23
Never have I ever is a terrible game when you don’t like having sex.
03:28
Someone’s like, “Never have I ever sucked dick”,
03:30
and then everyone starts drinking and you don’t drink.
03:33
Then the eyes shift to you.
03:35
You are expected to say something… Yeah.
03:37
..to be able to say, “I’ve had this.”
03:39
I was like the odd one out, especially, like, in these group
03:42
chats. And I was like, “You know what? Maybe I should kind of, like,
03:45
“pretend I’ve done that so that I can actually fit in
03:47
“within the group.” Yep, I’ve done that!
03:49
I refuse to play. I’ll just sit in the background.
03:51
“I want to get drunk and I ain’t getting drunk like this!”
03:53
I mean, I’m still going to drink, so I don’t care.
03:56
“I have never…” “I have never.”
04:00
“You don’t know what you’re missing.”
04:02
I worked in Ann Summers for a year.
04:04
I know exactly what I’m not missing.
04:07
And I ain’t missing nothing.
04:08
I could go up to a straight guy and say, “Well,
04:11
“have you ever been with a man?
04:13
“You don’t know what you’re missing.” You know?
04:15
I know this. I have tried it.
04:18
It’s not for me.
04:19
Thank you very much.
04:20
It’s treating you like a child because you’ve not gone
04:23
through this magical…rite of passage to become an adult.
04:28
Is it really that deep?
04:30
Like, is sex that good?
04:31
Cos I don’t think it’s that good.
04:33
And IF I have sex eventually, if it’s not that good,
04:36
I’m suing all of you.
04:40
“What’s wrong with you?”
04:41
People asking me that so much time.
04:44
I even got someone asking me that today.
04:46
Like, I don’t understand why people, they can’t see my friendly side,
04:49
my personality – out-going and I’m open and I’m not judgmental, but…
04:53
It’s like the… You know what I mean?
04:55
It’s like the sex side of things overshadows everything else.
04:58
Exactly.
04:59
Cos I don’t want to have sex you’re telling me
05:01
that there’s something wrong with me.
05:02
What is wrong with YOU?
05:04
I often get the…like I need fixing.
05:07
I need the right person to come along and “fix me”.
05:10
I’ve been told I “just need a good shag” before. Oh, is it? Yeah.
05:14
I have tried loads of different kind of techniques and bits and pieces.
05:18
I’ve tried localised anaesthetic,
05:20
which was the weirdest experience.
05:24
I’ve gone and gotten everything scanned.
05:27
Everything is fine.
05:28
I don’t understand. I feel like guys feel like their penises can, like,
05:31
end world hunger or some shit, like… I don’t get…
05:35
“Yeah, here’s a dick for you.”
05:37
What’s that going to do?
05:42
“You just haven’t met the right person.”
05:44
I think that might be the case.
05:47
It’s a natural process.
05:49
You know, it’s kind of like that magic sparkle that will
05:52
then happen, you know? Yeah.
05:53
You can’t really… You can’t force it.
05:54
If you can’t stick around with me for, like,
05:58
until I’m ready to do it, then you’re not the right fucking person.
06:01
You are not going to be my Prince Charming, OK?
06:03
You’re not going to get rid of my virginity. Sorry, mate.
06:06
I’ve found the right person.
06:08
I have, like…
06:09
I’ve found the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with.
06:14
And we have love and poetry and magic together… Aw, bless!
06:19
..and I still don’t want to have sex!
06:26
I often feel like they think virgins are just, like, frail
06:29
and just like they’ve got a little halo on top of their head, you know?
06:33
They wear, like, a white gown and they’re just walking around,
06:36
you know? Halo music, like…
06:37
# Ah… #
—
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