Andrew Smiler pines for the return of competent father figures in popular culture.
Pop culture is important. It permeates our lives and becomes an integral part of our way of relating to each other. Whether you like the content or not, almost everyone has a sense of what “American Idol” is about, just like we all asked, “Can you hear me now?” and “Where’s the beef?”
To get that kind of notoriety you need two things: a product and an audience. No matter how catchy, appealing, or clever the product is, if it doesn’t grab the attention of a whole lot of people, it won’t become part of pop culture.
I’m in my 40s, but I still pay attention to some parts of pop culture. One of the reasons is that I spend a fair amount teaching 18-21 year olds and using examples from pop culture can provide a variety of benefits for them and for me. I also study 15-25 year olds and knowing what terms they use and what’s going on in “their” culture helps me make sense of some of the things they tell me. Each generation is different, at least in some ways.
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Over the years, pop culture—television in particular—has changed the way that fathers and families are usually portrayed. From the 50s through the 80s, most of those shows focused on families where fathers were smart, knowledgeable, and respected by their wife and their kids. It didn’t matter if you were in Mayberry with The Andy Griffith Show, Milwaukee with Happy Days, Brooklyn with The Cosby Show, San Francisco with Full House, or any of dozens of other shows. Those dads didn’t always know everything, but they definitely had a set of characteristics that many of us aspire to. And yes, some of them are now horribly dated and reflect sexist or racist attitudes of their time, but that doesn’t make those fathers any less honest or upstanding.
Over the last two decades or so, those guys have vanished. They’ve been replaced by dads like Homer Simpson, Tim Taylor (of Home Improvement), Al Bundy (from Married, with Children), and Peter Griffin (of Family Guy), among others. These guys represent a very different version of fatherhood, one in which dads are barely competent with their kids. On these shows, when mom leaves dad alone with the children, she’s happy if none of the kids are seriously injured and the house is still standing when she gets home. Fatherly advice often takes the form of clichés and truisms, or is flat out inappropriate.
These new fathers aren’t all bad though. They’re mostly likeable; they genuinely care about their kids and are part of their kids’ lives. And they have jobs; that’s important, because mothers on these shows have about a 50% unemployment rate. These dads also want the best for their kids, even if they have no real idea how to make that happen.
It bothers me that the folks who make decisions about TV keep putting these guys out there for us to watch. But it bothers me more that we keep watching them. In the highly competitive and imitation driven world of TV programming, these dads wouldn’t keep being on my screen if there weren’t millions of people tuning in every week.
The fact that millions of people watch it means that somehow, these guys resonate with us. For one, I think watching incompetent dads makes us feel better. After all, most of us know better than to do what these guys do, so it helps reassure us that we’re doing all right. Especially for those guys who didn’t have a father who was a good role model and are trying to figure it out as they go.
But I think there’s also a problem here. What does it mean that we’ve replaced those competent fathers with a caring but barely competent image? While it’s good that these TV fathers are caring, I don’t think that’s enough.
TV shows that focus on families are usually the first primetime shows that kids watch. That means these guys are some of the first dads children get to know. While these fathers aren’t altogether incompetent, they’re not exactly solid role models. I’m not sure how an eight-year-old or a 12-year-old really sorts through the idea of: “I like this dad, but I don’t really want to be like this dad” or “I like this dad but I wouldn’t actually want him as a father.”
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For men, I think this barely competent image of a father reinforces the idea that once a guy gets married, the fun part of his life is pretty much over. After all, this group of TV dads are usually the butt of the joke; we laugh at them, not with them.
For young (and not so young) women, seeing these guys on show after show can reinforce the notion that “good men are hard to find.” Most teenagers only see the workings of other families through TV (and other media sources), and if most fathers (and husbands) are barely competent, how does that influence a young woman’s aspirations? Does it mean she should settle for a guy who’s “good enough” or she should find a guy who’s got potential and shape him into the man she wants?
Maybe it’s the result of Feminism. But that seems unlikely. I have a hard time believing there’s some great conspiracy between Feminist leaders, whoever they might be, and Hollywood moguls who also objectify women. I’m pretty sure those feminists aren’t too fond of Mad Men, The Real Housewives, and this year’s dead-on-arrival The Playboy Club.
I hope Hollywood finds the competent dads again. I think we need them.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: Shutterstock
Liked the article. I agree that those shows are taking us back. I for one look at those shows to say hell no, so that in my life I will be able to see those patterns in a men, and run away as fast as I can, I recommend any women to not waste their time and just run, And what makes it niot so funny sometimes it’s that it’s become such a predictable behavior, like when they are face with real life situations, a son comes for advice, they would rather got to a bar, or run away from… Read more »
Hi Andrew, first, apologies for my redundancy, I posted this comment on Role/Reboot earlier but just wanted to throw it out here as well. First, thanks for this thoughtful piece. I will say that most critical media researchers like myself would argue that a large part of the differences you are seeing are about denigrating working class men in particular, not men generally. Quite a bit of research has been done that shows that family sitcoms that feature middle/upper class families represent fathers as being strong in character and intellect but shows with working class families (The Simpsons, King of… Read more »
Hey, there were plenty of idiot/incompetent dads from the 70s and 80s: Neither Archie Bunker nor George Jefferson was any kind of role model. Nor Redd Foxx, for that matter. But they taught us about both human fallibility and the ridiculousness of bigotry and narrow-mindedness. And last I heard, Atticus Finch was still considered the US’s top hero/male role model: A single dad whose compassion, human decency, and recognition of equal rights — certainly not a man whose primary purpose is to uphold patriarchy and father-rule, but to ensure justice for all. When I read things like that, my fears… Read more »
I think the secret that needs to be portrayed more fully in popular culture, and on television, is that being a dad and a husband is really the best part of life, at least as far as I am concerned. And I don’t think I am alone on that.
Agreed. I don’t buy the whole “no more fun” or “a guy’s life is over” after marriage image that mainstream media has pushed over the last decade or two.
This quote from bell hooks seems so appropriate in the context of this conversation: “Masses of people think that feminism is always and only about women seeking to be equal to men. And a huge majority of these folks think feminism is anti-male. Their misunderstanding of feminist politics reflects the reality that most folks learn about feminism from patriarchal mass media.” ― bell hooks As an educator within the domestic violence movement, a feminist movement, I talk to young men and young women about the harmful effects that gender role stereotypes have on both males and females. From my experience,… Read more »
Does A Call to Men make the common error of equating “domestic violence” with “violence against women”? Because that would reveal quite a bit about whether their brand of feminism is anti-male or not.
No one that I have every met working within the domestic violence movement limits the definition of domestic violence to only happening with males as perpetrators and females as victims, although that is a common misconception. In fact, we acknowledge readily that this stereotype prevents many men from accessing the support and services they need. Unfortunately, statistically, women are still far more likely to be the victim of domestic violence than men. However, only about 10% of men perpetrate violence. A Call to Men recognizes the key role that the remaining 90% can play in preventing men’s violence against women.… Read more »
“And a huge majority of these folks think feminism is anti-male.”
The anti-male reputation of feminism is decades old. If that were merely an empty stereotype, it would have been dispelled many years ago. However, feminism continues to relentlessly promote and defend anti-male positions, opinions, viewpoints, and policies. I wish that weren’t the case but it is.
I can’t follow your logic– we have generations old empty stereotypes that we are still fighting to dispel. How is it that empty stereotypes about feminism would be different? I think framing feminism as anti-male, and therefore dismissing the whole perspective as unreasonable and not worthy of consideration, is a cop out. The truly anti-male school of thought within feminism is considered by most to be extreme, fanatical– an outlyer, if you will. The majority of people promoting feminism seek men as allies in promoting equality. Part of feminism is promoting efforts to dispel gender stereotypes for everyone. My first… Read more »
“I can’t follow your logic– we have generations old empty stereotypes that we are still fighting to dispel. How is it that empty stereotypes about feminism would be different?” Because the supposed stereotype about feminism is reinforced on a daily basis, including right here. Even feminists themselves (including right here within the last few days) admit that misandry exists within the movement. They have no choice, as it’s obvious. “I think framing feminism as anti-male, and therefore dismissing the whole perspective as unreasonable and not worthy of consideration, is a cop out.” The fact that feminism continues to promote anti-male… Read more »
I think the trend of dumb dads on TV may have started earlier, but it’s definitely gotten worse. The problem is there’s no balance, no smart dad characters.
As I read these posts, a question comes to mind. How old, on average, are the respondents on this post ? I am 62 and am mostly opposed to the current portrayal of fathers in a great many TV shows. And at the central core seems to be the idea that we “laugh” at the antics of men (cartoon and otherwise) that are incompetent, bumbling fathers even if they do hold a job. As a youngster, I grew up in a time (50’s-60’s) when the men who filled my life had a lot in common. They were all Veterans of… Read more »
I may be overanalyzing here, but I think there’s more complexity to TV comedy than meets the eye. There are sitcom characters who are entertaining precisely because they match the stereotypes that we want to see but sometimes make fun of those stereotypes as well. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that TV sitcoms can be subversive, but I think they get attention sometimes because they let people let off a little steam. For example, if you really pay attention to what Ward Cleaver says to June Cleaver about parenting, you’ll notice he expresses a lot of sarcasm… Read more »
I agree with Eric M. An important issue to note here is the emasculation of men by pop culture in general. As mother figures became stronger, father figures became weaker. Now, the beleaguered mother holds the fort down while the clueless dad tries to get away to watch football with his buddies. What we see on TV is a reflection of what’s already happening in real life. Women are already doing (and taking charge of) everything, so men, even if they care, feel rather helpless to really contribute. What’s interesting about this phenomenon is the association of “capability” with “power.”… Read more »
Very good article. I’ve commented on this here a couple of times. At the same time the writer mentions the change in how men are portrayed in the media, boys and men began to slip further and further behind in education and other areas. You tell someone how stupid they are over and over, and they begin to believe you. So, it has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. By the way, even in children and teens comedy shows, the girls are always smarter than the boys. Predictably, the boys and men are the butt of the jokes. You can almost… Read more »
Whoa, wait up. I just need to interject with respect to your last paragraph. First, Feminism is NOT interested in making men less capable or less intelligent. Hurting men in this way hurts everyone, including women! Why in the world would a women want a man who is not capable?? That just puts the bulk of the responsibility on her shoulders (e.g. she has to do ALL the housework because he’s too dumb to figure out how to mop a floor)! A smart woman wants a smart man who can be an equal partner in life. Feminism is interested in… Read more »
“First, Feminism is NOT interested in making men less capable or less intelligent. Hurting men in this way hurts everyone, including women!” I wish that weren’t the case but history and the evidence shows otherwise. “Feminism is interested in *equality,* Again, I wish that were the case. I have seen no evidence of that to be true but abundant evidence of it being false, in practice. “So yes, there are some “feminists” who claim to be feminist, but yet harbor ill feelings toward men.” Yet, other “feminists” tolerate them, sympathize with them, and allow them to stay within the feminist… Read more »
I don’t think it’s quite that simple Eric. TV still has loads of competent men, especially on all those crime-solving and life-saving dramas. And as Jessica pointed out earlier, there are some good, struggling, complex dads out there.
Although I’ve met some Feminists who are definitely in favor of creating a world where women hold the vast majority of the power, most of the Feminists I’ve met are more like what Sam describes.
Andrew – I wish it weren’t that simple, but think about it. Sitcoms. In sitcoms, almost as an absolute rule, the male character(s) are the butts of the jokes and portrayed as incompetent boobs. They are laughed ones that are at, which lowers them. That is the venue where family and personal relationship situations are framed in simple presentation style designed to appeal to teens and kids. I don’t know if you have exposure to teen/kids sitcom/comedy shows, but it is the exact same formula. Girl smart, boy dumb and clueless. I wish it were more complex, but the pattern… Read more »
Sorry.
“it’s clear that it’s NOT incidental or coincidental. It is intentional.”
I got a confession to make. The Pragmatic Rationalism of Jason Seaver from “Growing Pains” Al Bundy’s Determined Stoicism of “Married with Children” & Cliff Huxtable’s Hopeful optimism has always formulated what I consider to be the perfect Male role model.
My 3 wise men…
Tim Allen & Ray Romano COULD TAKE A LONG WALK INTO ON COMING TRAFFIC!!
If it’s incompetence that’s funny, why are all the female characters on those shows uniformly intelligent and competent?
Sure, you can get some comic interplay between the two–irresponsible vs. sensible–but It’s interesting to note which role is always assigned to which gender.
Agreed. And in shows like Cosby & Roseanne (& I’m told Modern Family, but I haven’t seen it yet), both parents were equally competent, so it’s not like irresponsible vs sensible is the only viable formula.
Al Bundy is my favorite TV dad. Not because I seek to emulate him, but because he’s friggin hilarious. Same with Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin.
I think this entire subject is irrelevant. I really do. If there really are men out there who look to these TV shows for tips on how to be fathers, then those men probably weren’t going to be good fathers in the first place. Harsh words, but true. I mean seriously, it’s TV. Entertainment. It’s not reality and I don’t think most sane people treat it that way.
Hi Daddy Files,
I agree that most people don’t consciously look to TV for suggestions on how to act. At the same time, decades of research show that we do incorporate information from TV into our general understanding of how the world/people work. TV is NOT the only contributor, and it’s not the biggest contributor either, but it does play a part. As a result, I think it’s worth noticing what’s there and the messages being sent.
Thank you for this article. There is some great food for thought here. I will be posting a link on our Facebook page. One thing that occurs to me is that in television dramas we are seeing more competent fathers being portrayed. Castle comes to mind– while he is often portrayed s goofy, they take his fatherhood role seriously. In Lie to Me, Tim Roth’s character was clearly a competent dad (although many may argue over-protective.) In both of these examples, there is a bit of “daughter taking care of dad” at times, but I think all in all, I… Read more »
Thanks Jessica.
I’ve also wondered why the difference exists between comedy dads & drama dads. I’m with you: those father-daughter relationships have been well-written and complex.
Hello hermit, …and thanks for coming out of your shell, at least for a moment. I think we mostly agree – the problem is that we no longer see good, competent dads. They used to be the standard, and now they just make an occasional appearance. In the US, Family Guy airs at 9pm on Sundays. That time slot usually means very few kids under 12, but it typically includes a lot of teens. I think all the other shows in that list of barely competent dads originally aired at 8pm, so they were a viewing option for some kids… Read more »
Amen to the article. Whilst earlier years of television were no model to look up to they did have a better view towards fathers it seemed. I’m hoping we move forward to see both genders being represented as competent workers, fathers/mothers, relatives, friends, etc.
It’d be great to see more dads in commercials for the home/family products too, I know plenty of grown men who clean of their own free will and do so quite thoroughly. The stereotypes don’t help anyone.
Thanks Jun. I agree that it’d be nice to see more (competent) guys in commercials for home & family products. From the analyses I’ve seen, males in those commercials tend to do the narrative voiceovers or show up as experts much more often than they show up as users of those products.
I partly disagree with this article, though i’m not american. Why are Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin-like characters on TV? Because they are funny, and we like to laugh on them. I would not say Family Guy is a cartoon for boys, more for young adults. Here in Hungary it is at 10 pm, and never at daytime (yes we watch the same rubbish as you do). The problem is not what they show, but what they never do: really competent, good dads. Not that the mommy characters are so perfect in these shows. But i have to admit, i… Read more »