There are so many cycles in life that it can be easy to allow yourself to fall into. Habits, mindsets, what you do first thing in the morning, what you do last before you go to bed, general ways of going about things, how you perceive and judge the actions of others, and so on. Maybe you were raised a certain way. Maybe your group of friends influenced you. Maybe where you grew up always did things a certain way.
But does what works for other people work for you? You are not your family. You are not your friends. You are not where you live. You are a unique person with unique gifts to give others.
It can be challenging to try something new when you have only ever known a certain way of doing it. It can be rather distressing to go against teachings or influences that have been ingrained into you and that you have identified as “yours.” But, no matter how kind intentioned, the people who introduced you to that mold were likely thinking of themselves and what worked for them.
A lot of us have had people in our lives who were incredibly influenced by fear. Perhaps they labeled it with a different word such as “smart” or “cautious” when really it was a very different exaggeration of those good things. Perhaps they thought they had chosen something good-natured but they so misunderstood a certain aspect that it eventually sucked the good nature out of their belief system. They may have been doing their best, but only you are the best at knowing yourself.
I needed to make a fast change to my life and I did not get to explore my options at the slower pace I would have preferred. There was so much uncertainty and it frightened me. But then a series of kind people gave me the opportunity to see that my life could be so much bigger than fear. They lived a completely different pattern, a different mindset, than anyone I had ever been close to. I realized that my way of looking at things had its merits, but this series of unrelated individuals had a common theme of highly intellectual good-naturedness that renewed every part of my being. I basically got to be reprogrammed to be an entirely new human being – my authentic self.
A number of incredibly false beliefs were shattered by one man in particular. I had perceived that my life was altered by a negative experience with a group of people who had a common life path. I grew to be frightened of anyone related to this group. But then I met a man in that group who challenged everything I believed. He was the opposite of everything I thought I knew. He was far too authentically kind to be written off. I met him at his workplace so I did not get to know him a great deal, but it was enough. He was nothing of the mold he was “supposed” to be in.
His kindness challenged me. On one hand, I was excited to be wrong and to find out that this group of people was actually as heroic and kind as most people think they are. On the other hand, I was distressed at being so profoundly wrong about so much. One thought led to another thought and to another thought and eventually a pattern formed that showed me it was not this group that was unkind – it was simply my poor understanding of a very complex pattern I did not see in my life until I met people who had a completely opposite pattern as what I had known. Their light illuminated my past and I saw it entirely differently.
I got to choose new ways of how I look at myself, how I look at the world, and how I make decisions. I got to learn that peace is a far more impactful experience than fear. I got to learn that there are far more beautiful things to be known than I ever imagined existed. I got to learn that you can choose to be anyone you want to be regardless of how that suits others.
Fear, and sometimes familiarity, are so full of lies. Even though the truth can be terribly painful, the freedom is worth it. Lies constrict and confine you to repeating sad and traumatic patterns. But with love and truth, anything is possible. Create your own beliefs and patterns that work best for you. May you know the kindest people and may you be the kindest person yourself. You’ve got this!
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock