It’s a woman’s world, Rachel Goodchild writes, and they now have all the privilege.
I was raised a feminist. My mother was a feminist, and my father was too. When I was a girl, feminism was a noble pursuit- a drive to gain the equality (though now I prefer the word equity), that our mothers and grandmothers had not experienced. And it was needed. I do not doubt it, nor take for granted the ground that they took. We have perhaps forgotten how hard it was for women to do what they wanted in terms of partner choice, the choice to have children, attending school and universities, then work in a career of their choosing.
And yes, I know that battle has not been won everywhere. There are countries or cultures where horrendous things happen to you if you are female. But in my country and in my culture, and in many other western countries, I would suggest the tide has well and truly turned.
I have occasionally felt the sting of NOT being male – the invitation to join the “real men” at work when offered a leadership position, the fact that there was the assumption by the outside world, when my marriage broke up that it would be me that would care for my children, though I had also been the income earner (not that I opposed that I would, though the easy assumption did rankle), that I have struggled with that curious mix of needing pretty finery and makeup and eradication of hair in socially unacceptable places (except of course on my head!) to appear more professional, and so on, but I am very aware that I no longer live in a man’s world. This world is a woman’s world. And us females are now the humans holding the privilege.
I try not to use it. But I know it’s there. I am all too aware the pendulum of power has swung, and being aware of that knowledge itself is enough. However I see women around me use our shared privilege all the time, and it does sicken me.
♦◊♦
If I were to use it, what would that look like? Well, let’s look at how the tides have turned.
1. I’m allowed to be far more open about my sexuality than a man is. In fact, if I’m bisexual, it’s encouraged (both male and females encourage it funnily enough). If I’m hetero, I’m allowed to make comments about how hot men are, compliment men without others thinking it’s harassment and generally can make lewd comments about any person, be them male or female, and it’s considered ok. I can say “I fancy him so much I’d even rape him” or “I need to pull him into the storeroom and show him I mean it” or “He is mega hot” about any male whether he is seventeen (I am forty) or seventy. I can sit in a Twilight movie and drool at Jacob (for instance), and not be seen as a dirty old woman.
2. If my partner and I were in a domestic dispute and both violent, or both shouting, and I hit him … if the police were called, my male partner would still be the one far more likely to be taken into custody for the night. If my male partner tried to report domestic violence, it would be harder for him to have the charges laid, than if I did so. In fact, while there is a charge of Male assaults Woman in my country, there is no Woman assaults Male. That would be classified instead as General Assault.
3. If my relationship with the father of my children was to break up, I’m far more likely to get the kids. And if I want a child, but don’t have a partner, I can do that too. I get to choose whether I have the baby or not, I get to choose whether the father’s name is on the birth certificate or not (and if he queries it, he’s the one who has to pay for the DNA test) and if he’s named as the father, he then has to pay child support, whether he was aware I was trying to have a child or not.
4. I’m allowed to be as education- and career-driven as I want to be, and push for the top, seeking equity and equality in everything. But when it comes to dating and relationships, I’ll want the dates paid for, the doors opened, the bling bought. And if I want to choose to not be career-driven, and be instead at home, and not work, then I can far more readily choose that option too than a male partner could.
5. If I write an inflammatory comment, or a blog, or article, and a man questions anything in it, all I need to do to shut the conversation down is call him a bully, or say he’s a privileged male. I can also make disparaging comments about his sexuality, his economic standing, the size of his penis, and his ability to do pretty much anything in return for him disagreeing with me. I can do this, because when I do, I KNOW there will be a bunch of other women who will stick up for me. Because as a woman … I now have privilege.
—Photo Spec-ta-cles/Flickr
I’m glad you spoke up for the guys. Equity is coming as many feminists on YouTube are publicly denouncing the label and instead choosing to continue what first and second wave feminists started, balancing what women have to what men have. These hateful skewed and jealous people in the comment will disagree with me but I am really thankful for your support. The double standards are bullshit and someone’s gotta point ’em out.
this is bull shit. also there is a growing movement in feminism to help fix the aforementioned problems.
It’s pretty clear what the author is trying to do here….she’s trying to re-brand herself because shes had the feminist label and has been judged for it and now she wants guys to think she’s cool, so she’s going back on it…..and that would be fine if she were doing that on her own rather than inflicting it on the rest of us with nonsense such as this. It’s sad because there were SO many ways the author could have done this correctly….but instead she fucked it up completely. She could have said, “Look, ladies, guys have certain discrimination problems… Read more »
The sheer level of ignorance displayed by people who compare gender inequality and racial inequality is dumbfounding. Seriously, THE 2 ISSUES ARE NOT COMPARABLE. Women as a group had the vote before black people did! Women are not a minority, and black people do not get the extreme amount of protection afforded to them that women get. There are no major chivalrous attitudes to protecting black people like there are for women.
What I find most amusing is how offended some people can get about being told they have privilege, all the while using accusations of privilege against others in order to reject the acknowledgement of their own.
yes people gets offended when they find out they have privilege. The first reaction is the fight the notion whit everything they can find. Even comparing apples to oranges (read race vs gender) .
Its obvious that women have privilege, its clear as the daylight so from this perspective, the academic branch of feminism have clearly failed. No wonder there is mistrust toward feminism (from men and women) since they keep failing big time.
After all these debates, there’s actually a very simple way of showing men their privilege: Does a man wake up feeling like he owns his own body? Or does he wake up in terror, depression and physical discomfort over all the body parts that need painful, expensive and health-hazardous maintenance to fit the socially imposed requirements of the female gaze? The day that he will do the latter while women do the former is the day that women will have privilege. Until then – MRAs function as bratty children who now have to share some of their toys with the… Read more »
CIRCUMCISION. He didn’t even have a say in it. OK?
You might want to fact-check yourself before saying things about the “sheer ignorance” of others: no, black men had the vote well before women. The fifteenth amendment was passed in 1869, and the nineteenth amendment was passed in 1920, over fifty years later. That said, people have sought to restrict the rights of minorities to vote up until this day. It would be ridiculous to deny there are privileges white women have that black people do not. That said, don’t forget to consider there are people who are black AND women. Do you think they’re the beneficiaries of this “chivalrous… Read more »
Forgive me, I was under the impression the Voters Right ACt of 1965 brought forth the ability for POC to vote freely. Being a woman, and being black have 2 separate issues is the point I was making. White women enjoyed privilege far exceeding that of black men, so racial issues are far more pronounced than gender in this case.
Rachel, it’s still a very male-dominated society and most people think the male is the norm of humanity, so that’s why feminists way our society is male-privileged. No woman has female privilege vis-a-vis the men of her race, nationality, class and sexual orientation.
No woman has female privilege vis-a-vis the men of her race, nationality, class and sexual orientation. Then maybe you haven’t been reading the statistics. Pick up Peter Marin’s article, “Jill gets welfare, Jack becomes homeless.”, if you want to see how great guys have it compared to women in poverty. Same class, race, and sexual orientation. I’m not a fan of calling a gender more privileged, because it rationalizes that “grass is greener on the other side” type of thinking. But there are a lot of women who look at the top of society and say “look how privileged men… Read more »
sorry, should say “being composed OF molecules.”
Privilege seems to exist everywhere. Some groups and individuals appear to have more privilege relative to others, but so far all the testing for privilege has come back positive. If it exists everywhere to some degree, then how useful is it anymore as a category?
Accusing me of having privilege is like accusing me of being composed molecules. Umm…yes, I suppose I’m guilty of that…. As a big guy, I’m made up of more molecules than most other people, so I guess I’m relatively more guilty than most other people. Umm…sorry?
Reading the comments has been quite interesting. There’s a general belief among all feminists that all men have “male privilege,” and that the various negatives of the male experience don’t negate said “privilege.” And yet when it comes to “female privilege,” then all of a sudden you can’t apply the term, because not all women get to enjoy it. In fact, I would say that they react with very much the same defensiveness and denial that feminists accuse men of displaying whenever they’re told to “check their privilege.” I guess it doesn’t feel so good to be subjected to the… Read more »
You forgot the whole “you can’t see your own privilege” argument so often used against men, but mysteriously not applicable to themselves.
Exactly. That’s what makes “privilege” such an effective rhetorical tactic. Are you a member of a “systematically oppressed group” who disagrees with a member of a “dominant group?” Well, all you have to do is tell them that they are too blinded by their “privilege” to see the truth in your words, and that they’re so unaware of their privilege that they don’t recognize how that has clouded their judgment. And of course, just by virtue of being a member of an oppressed class, you have a greater grasp of the truth than the oblivious, deluded person of privilege. The… Read more »
What gets truly scary is some of those feminists ideas on Law, more specifically, the idea that neutrality and objectivity in law are male traits that inherently bias’ the law in men’s favor. It’s a long set of video’s, but do a search for feminist jurisprudence on youtube, a 2 part video breakdown of a feminist book by the same name. The video author goes by the name gogonostop. very scary stuff when you realize the things going on around us, like the law school in Winnipeg (Canada) that is denying men accused of DV representation, but still providing it… Read more »
“I’m allowed to be as education- and career-driven as I want to be, and push for the top, seeking equity and equality in everything. But when it comes to dating and relationships, I’ll want the dates paid for, the doors opened, the bling bought.” Its not a privilege to want your dates paid for, its a privilege that you EXPECT that they will be paid for. and if you EXPECT that, you should get off your highhorse and stop screaming EQUALITY while seeing nothing wrong with holding fast to the old traditions that DO suit you. WHO GETS TO THE… Read more »
You keep using that word, “privilege”.
I do not think it means what you think it means.
I agree, she does not. I also wonder at a workplace where rape comments and sexual harassment is acceptable. I started reading thinking this was a spoof, once i realized that the author was serious I could only shake my head at someone willfully ignoring underlying reasons and using anecdotal evidence to support a very weak point.
“willfully ignoring underlying reasons and using anecdotal evidence to support a very weak point.”
Underlying reasons? You mean the motives and hostile intent feminists assume all men hold towards women, but can only ever use anecdotal evidence to demonstrate it even exists, let alone that all, or even most, men exhibit it. Why is it feminists feel entitled to dictate what it is men are feeling, and then feel it is accurate to chastise and attack men for feeling those things they themselves put there? You see it everywhere in feminist debate.
Well the easiest female privilege to spot is simply
“As a woman, I am less likely to die from violence. ”
Men are 4x more likely to die from violence.
Another is “As a woman, I am less likely to be conscripted into the military”
sorry I give up. Im unable to find the newer commentary. Its virtually impossible to find a new intervention in a superlong discussion. Isnt a way to make it easier to find the new coms? I spent I dont know how long time in scanning the entire discussion over and over again. The way how debates happen in this site, im sorry to say, its not user friendly.
No offense but I think the commentariat need some work.
Sorry for the OT.
We agree with you. There’s a forum in the works, not yet live, that will be an alternative to the comments sections of every article for discussion.
Rachel Goodchild,
You rock. I mean GODDAMN that was a fine article. I skipped all the fussy comments above and just came right down here to say, thanks. Great article. Really.
If women have all this privilege, then why are 1 out of 4 women domestically abused in her lifetime? Men who physically hurt women rarely go to Jail. Why are 1 out of 6 American women raped in their lifetime huh? Why are women paid 20 percent less then men? Why are our reproductive rights being repealed and infringed on. You’re not talking about that. If a women hits a man, he can in most cases overpower her. If a man hits a women, unless she is incredibly strong, she isn’t going to be able to fight back. The reason… Read more »
There are a few problems with your argument, but I’ll just address a couple. First, the idea that a man can most often overpower a woman is false. I know plenty of muscular women and plenty of thin and scrawny men, for lack of a better word. Not to mention, our society places a lot of pressure on men not to hit women. We have this weird, don’t hit back, rule for guys…so I’m willing to get there are guys who won’t defend themselves. And all of this goes double for when we’re talking about kids bullying and hitting each… Read more »
If women have all this privilege, then why are 1 out of 4 women domestically abused in her lifetime? The same way men have all that privilege but are still more likely to be the victim of just about every non-sexual crime under the sun. Men who physically hurt women rarely go to Jail. Same can be said about the other way around. Why are 1 out of 6 American women raped in their lifetime huh? Why are so many men (I believe its 1 in 33) raped in their life time huh? Why are women paid 20 percent less… Read more »
I would like to add …. just as the divorce rates are twisted in that they include multiple marriages, the abuse rate for women are also distorted. A women who is abused is more then likely going to either stay with the abuser or find another mate that will also abuses her. More then likely came from an abusive home. Abuse is cyclical and as long as society keeps it as a gender issue, the problem is not going to subside. Women are in reality womens worst enemy.
First off, because OP most likely doesn’t consider privilege a dichotomy; i.e. they think of both men and women having different privileges (which is very true). Second, because privilege is relative; if two groups have a perk, neither is privileged over the other, if neither has it, same again. >then why are 1 out of 4 women domestically abused in her lifetime? Why are abused men irrelevant? (http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm) (Also, you should note that the vast majority of DV is very minor and not constant assault and terrorism as pictured in movies). >Men who physically hurt women rarely go to Jail.… Read more »
Sorry to the person moderating comments, I thought I hadn’t submitted so I rewrote my response. Could you please delete this comment and leave the other one?
First, two groups can both be privileged in different respects. Male privilege and female privilege both exist, and pointing out ways that women are advantaged does not erase the ways they’re disadvantaged. Second, privilege is relative; if two groups both hold or lack the same perk, then neither is privileged relative to the other. >then why are 1 out of 4 women domestically abused in her lifetime? Why are men abused in similar numbers (http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm), yet absolutely nobody talks about them and their problems are swept under the rug? The focus on female victims is another female privilege. >Men who… Read more »
Most studies show that single homeless adults are more likely to be male than female. In 2007, a survey by the U.S. Conference of Mayors found that of the population surveyed 35% of the homeless people who are members of households with children are male while 65% of these people are females. However, 67.5% of the single homeless population is male, and it is this single population that makes up 76% of the homeless populations surveyed (U.S. Conference of Mayors, 2007). In August 2009, the unemployment rate for men stood at 11.0 percent while that for women was 8.3 percent—a… Read more »
But then you need to look at how the unemployment figures are generated, a lot of people who do not have a job are not considered unemployed, simply because they are not or no longer looking for work due to a lack of opportunity.
It appears the numbers were generated before people dropped out of the market and/or took a lesser paying job. Wjy is it so hard for people to understand that men are not in good shape these days? It’s as though if they admit it, it’s gonna blow the feminist movement out of the water? That will never happen.
Male privilege is having 83% of men in congress. * Number of female CEOs of Fortune 500 companies: 12 * Number of female CEOs in Fortune 501-1000 companies: 10 * Total female CEOS in Fortune 1000 companies: 22 And the Census that was just released: For women and single mothers, the outlook is bleak. According to Legal Momentum, women are 29% more likely to be poor than men. This gender disparity is even more devastating for single mothers who are 68% more likely to live in poverty than single fathers. I would keep going but this article is propaganda, and… Read more »
Legal Momentum = Women’s Legal Defensce and Education Fund. Is there such a thing for men? NOT. “As Women’s History Month draws to a close, Legal Momentum celebrates ….” Why not non-partisan site?
“Male privilege is having 83% of men in congress.” How does this privilege men, in general? And is it possible this is a result of the female privilege of being able to sit back and let others do the hard work, while still getting their needs and desires met. After all, despite the male presence in government, it seems only women are of concern to them, with all sorts of councils and ministries and lobby groups funded by taxpayer money. And of course, we can not forget, women make up the larger percentage of voters, so it is women who… Read more »
I just have to ask how often you think a low income single man would be awarded custody of his kids… but there is nothing wrong with spreading awareness 🙂
Easter is a week away, maybe the Easter Bunny can spread the word. Ya think that will ever happen? Women are and will stay in control no matter how it screws up the kids. @Amberbug … what your saying is that women should be CEO’s simply because they are women? Do ya know anything about Fortune 100, 500 companies. Ya think that they simply pull a CEO out their ass? So we should simply discard the work these men have done so that women can have a better share? Ya know Buffet’s secretary makes over 200K a year, aint to… Read more »
This is ridiculously ignorant, and I’m ashamed that this author is from New Zealand.
I like how effectively you can justify your position.
Must be easy to cruise through life with your fingers in your ears yelling “LALALA” whenever somebody espouses a view you disagree with. Saves you having to actually consider your position and what evidence there is for and against it.
“A false accusation is just another form of a contract hit.” Seriously? You are going to try that? No, a contract hit is where you hire someone to murder someone else. I worked on a homicide once that was a hit. Don’t alienate your allies, I have been advocating for good crises services, counseling, and legal equality for male rape victims for over 20 years now. If seriously hurts your cause to engage in silly hyperbole and to use such a hostile tone. Come hang out with the egalitarians who also want to protect men from rape. Work with us.… Read more »
“Women have certain privileges that men do not. Just as men have certain privileges that women do not have.
Can’t we all just promote equality”
Yes please, I’m in. We both have different privilege. Now can we all be egalitarian and work together? How is it supposed to help to be at war? And why does no one ever use the word egalitarian?
Many of us use the term. I do. I’m all for the messy work of peace.
I used to identify as egalitarian. but stopped when I kept getting told that made me a feminist, which I found very offensive (and then the discussion would dovetail into is feminism about equality and derail the conversation). I still see myself as egalitarian, but identify as MRA now for simplicities sake. when feminism starts to disappear or demonstrate truly equal goals, I will again move to centre and identify as egalitarian.
When did Good Men Project turn into Men’s Rights Activist Propaganda?
This article is garbage. The so-called “privileges” are just talking points that allow MRAs to continue to objectify women, while claiming to be “victims.” Rachel, you should be ashamed of yourself as a woman for falling for this, and Good Men Project should be ashamed for publishing it.
@Claire, the GMP doesn’t take sides from what I see and posts both sides as a matter of creating discussion. I’ve seen clear bad-feminist propaganda here as well, but please differentiate the MRA label between good and bad MRA. There is already a heap of mra vs feminism content and too much of it generalizes negatively treating both as monoliths.
@Claire
You might also try critically looking at what was said instead of merely dismissing it as garbage. At GMP, we tend of have discussions that’s why I enjoy it.
Word.
But…the majority of the “privileges” you cite are born out of the assumptions of patriarchy. So, are they really privileges? It’s like saying how great it is to be free to do all the housework and not be looked down upon. Or how great it is that your sexuality is treated with such little seriousness that you can do anyone you want. I was really hoping for some insight from this article, and I was specifically hoping not to see the ol’ “But we get doors held open for us!” reasoning, but there it is. I mean, you yourself said… Read more »
We spoke about disability identity in class and how that identity is sometimes rejected by a person because of the negative assumptions made by society. There were two things that jumped out at me in class that I’d like to share. One was a disabled activist wondering why people think of ramps as a huge accommodation, but stairs are just provided without a fuss. The second was that the largest group utilizing the sidewalk ramps, were not the wheelchair users, but women with strollers. After class one of the people who was once a city councilman in California remembered how… Read more »
1. Women are allowed to be more open about their sexuality because they are not take seriously. Tell a guy that you are a bi or a lesbian and chances are high that he encourages it because he hopes to be invited to the party. And being able to make degrading, sexually tinted comments about men is not a privilege, that’s only copying the bad habits of (some) men. 2. This ‘privilege’ is the result that domestic violence has far worse consequences for women, physically, emotionally, financially. That doesn’t make it right when a woman physically attacks her husband, and… Read more »
But most of all I wonder, what good does it to discuss who has more privileges? What we need is equality for both sexes, men and women. To say that the battle has been won is absolutely false, we may not have honor killings in the U.S. but women are still far from being seen as equal. It’s not a matter of who has more privileges its a matter of seeing who has what privileges. As we have seen there has been more than one person who outright denies female privilege. And they often do so by pointing out some… Read more »
“But to see this as a privilege? It’s merely skewed legislation that doesn’t want to acknowledge that men also can’t hurt. I doubt someone went on about it to create some privileges for women.” Why is it not privilege because it’s a law? Maybe they didn’t have to create the privilege for women because it was already there. They just needed to codify it. “The advantage women have in custody cases is all for the wrong reasons. It’s the pervasive idea in our society that women are mothers by nature. That’s not a privilege to be proud of.” Just because… Read more »
Bias
No. It is not simply a privilege to be male. It is an honor AND a privilege to be male.
This was a really interesting article and one that really struck a chord with me. Feminism as a philosophy of gender equality (or equity as you say) was a great idea. In practice, it hasn’t really lived up to that. There was plenty of good done (as you point out) but yes, the pendulum has swung too far. Our society has given women more advantages than men in many ways. I won’t even get started on the insanity of affirmative action. Grr. Anyway, I think we just have to be careful not to make the same mistakes that feminism did… Read more »
Women have certain privileges that men do not. Just as men have certain privileges that women do not have.
Can’t we all just promote equality?
This website is getting more and more misogynistic.
How so?
Yes, how so?
What I’ve noticed is that the misandrists are slowly leaving. I’ve also noticed that conversations are becoming more based on facts and logic and less on feminist propaganda.
Challenging feminists and feminist theory is not misogyny.
Really? We are seeing more articles asking real questions about real men rather than platitudes from armchair feminists trying to make men into what they believe they should be, and you feel that it is “misogynistic?” You are a pathetic human being and you are the reason why feminism is failing. You don’t want equality; you want everything “your way.” Women who make remarks like yours are the reason that feminism has such a bad rap. For every gender equity feminist who is trying to do good work, there are feminists like you who want nothing more than to have… Read more »
She made just a single remark, instead of disagreeing with what she said you insult her (“pathetic human being”). Maybe she pointed out the misogyny she noticed in comments, not in the article.
YOU labeled her a feminist, she didn’t call herself one. That way, you are the one accusing without proves. You do not know what she wants or believes with just her single neutral phrase.
How much prejudice and hate one needs to feel against a social movement that one would have to get so irrational over nothing.
Or maybe Your misandry is becoming less accommodated.
Sorry but this is nonsense. All of these so-called “female privileges” are effects of having a lower status. 1). There is no stigma against objectifying men because it doesn’t have real consequences, no-one expects you will actually rape or overpower a man. On the other hand objectifying comments towards women are condoned and encouraged by sexualised images of women everywhere so I fail to see how this is a privilege? 2). Male abusers are often taller and stronger than their female victims, and do more harm. Whats more bias towards women is just an expression of belief in their vulnerability.… Read more »
It’s only non-sense if one is not in touch with facts. “Sorry but this is nonsense. All of these so-called “female privileges” are effects of having a lower status.” Another fact-free claim. If you cared to learn the facts/data, you would know that women have a higher status in many measurable ways. 1) Fact-free philosophy. Men are criticized for talking about women in the movies, on TV, or on the Internet whom they will never meet. 2) Irrelevant. Wrong again. Abuse is abuse. Why should the size of the abuser excuse her actions? If the man happens to be smaller… Read more »
>it doesn’t have real consequences, no-one expects you will actually rape or overpower a man. According to the recent CDC report, if you include “made to penetrate” for a male as rape (as it should be, and is currently legally defined) then in 2010 the same number of men and women were raped, with 80% of perpetrators against males being women (and 2% against women). That doesn’t include prison rape, and a quick google will tell you how much of a problem that is. Perhaps your attitude of “lol men don’t get raped” is the problem itself? You say it’s… Read more »
^^^^ this x the weight of the sun.
1 and 2. You obviously have no concept of a power dynamic. Try reading farther into the forum and you’ll see CDC stats refuting your claims, if you have the intellectual honesty to see past your ideological indoctrination. I get tired of having to post the same stats and links. A false allegation of abuse is aggression and an attempt to assert control and you don’t need to be physically stronger to do it. It’s an additional privilege to not have this counted as abuse for DV stats. When women hire someone to kill or injure their husbands/boyfriends it’s not… Read more »
I suppose rape also, but I meant false accusations of DV are just another form of contract hit. I Just wanted to clarify.
“I brought up the topic of male circumcision. Many feminists are against it meaning that they wouldn’t do it, but I’ve yet to find one advocating banning it”
I absolutely support banning all genital cutting of both girls and boys.
I don’t think I’ve understood anything else you said.
There is no stigma against objectifying men because it doesn’t have real consequences, no-one expects you will actually rape or overpower a man
Ask any male rape survivor of a female perpetrator if there are no consequences. There are, whether you perceive them or not or society perceives them or not, I assure you they exist.
Best comment on here.