How Many Real Friends Do You Have?

My friend Tracy — at least I thought she also was my friend — threw in a bunch of “LMFAO!” in response to other people’s comments, and her own “WHY DO THEY KEEP GROWIN’?!” And more laughing emojis. There were hashtags too. #Melontitty was the most popular one. — Adeline Dimond

Boobs: the Last Frontier of Body Shaming by Adeline Dimond reminds us of the great friends we think we have until life hits us hard. Sometimes we don’t know what we have done “wrong” and we certainly don’t understand what lead to the outlast. It is astonishing what our friends think and say about us in public. In Adeline’s case, it was the internet which is frightening, but some of our dear friends don’t hold back in public, too.

Remember that they said when you wore a short dress and your best friend or mum called you slutty in front of anyone? Or the first time you were called a prude for not drinking as much as your friends? It doesn’t only apply to girls, guys we feel you too. Our mind screams while our heart races. We try to convince ourselves that they didn’t mean it as they said it or that it was just a joke. But are they joking when they consciously insult us?

The difference between joking and insulting

What the heck is the difference? Well, it’s is the thin line that we often cross. When it comes to friends, we are always fun and outgoing. We aspire to have a good time. No fighting, no arguing — just fun. Sounds good. Sometimes it is hard to tell if somebody jokes or he or she insults you. It depends on the situation, but nobody should get hurt.

Reader, I cried. Not only was I reminded about a part of my body that I already well, hate, the comments made me feel like I had violated some rule everyone knew about except me. I thought I was just posting a photo of me on the water, in the sun. Do I know I look ridiculous? Yes. But did I think people would take the opportunity to remind me? No. — Adeline Dimond

Adeline makes a great example talking about her boobs. She refers to them as a body part she is already insecure about that their “friends” target in their comments. A thing friends shouldn’t do. They know or at least they could tell by the way you react that it hurts you. Most likely you have already talked with them about your insecurities and they know how deep it cuts. A good friend knows when to be silly and when to be serious. Hurting you should never be your intention. How can you tell, if they are just mocking you?

A study shows that students spot the difference between bullying, teasing, and joking. They understand the effects of each action, too. While bullying is somewhat repetitive and includes bad-mouthing and insulting someone, teasing happens occasionally and is more playful which doesn’t mean that it can’t be hurtful. Joking is funny and makes people laugh.

Joking makes people laugh — can we highlight this? We all agree that there is nothing wrong with a good joke, maybe some name-calling. Right? We all it. What about teasing? Well, it can be fun, and friends a the best at teasing us. Insulting? No thanks. We don’t need this.

Things real friends shouldn’t do

If you can’t understand why someone is doing something, look at the consequences of their actions, whatever they might be, and then infer the motivations from their consequences.

For example if someone is making everyone around them miserable and you’d like to know why, their motive may simply be to make everyone around them miserable including themselves. ― Jordan B. Peterson

№1 Highlighting your insecurities

You already have them, there is no need to be reminded of your insecurities. Just shut up! Part of a friendship is knowing somebody well, right? They know what you’re like, what you appreciate, and what you are insecure about. There is no need to be reminded that you got big boobs, that you look bony, or that you eat funny. There is no need for it, so please stop.

№2 Talking you down

It somewhat fits in the same category. Whether you’re present or not, your friends should never attempt to gossip, bad-mouth you, or simply talk you down. If they attempt, better part ways.

№3 Disregarding your judgment

When it comes to dating friends turn into frenemies. Nobody seems to be good enough. Usually, it doesn’t stop with dating. The way you dress, the way you talk, who else you hang out with…. Who are you to make all these bad decisions?

№4 Creating a bad image

Some “friends” are masters in reminding you constantly what a bad person you are. “You are always so moody”, or “Can’t you be less crazy?” Your friends shouldn’t be the people who tell you how messed up your personality is or why you are such a bad person. What does this say about them, if they choose to hang with you?

The definition of a good friend

A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.― Elbert Hubbard

Rule №3 in the book 12 Rules for Life by Jordan B. Peterson is to make friends with people who want the best for you. How many of your friends truly want the best for you?

You'll lose friends. You may gain new friends. Or better yet, your friends decide to clean up their lives too.

A clip from my podcast appearance on Modern Wisdom with @ChrisWillx.

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You can watch it here: https://t.co/zgCfT3xlEu pic.twitter.com/4vENQW3Xha

— Dr Jordan B Peterson (@jordanbpeterson) June 6, 2021

Special thanks to Adeline Dimond for putting out that honest piece.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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