How Often Do You Thank Your Kids?

“I am going to make some cereal!” my eight-year -year old exclaims. “Uh, oh!” shortly follows.

“Is everything okay? Do you need help?” I ask.

“I made a BIG mess,” my son shares as he reaches for a cloth — immediately responding to the situation, taking responsibility and cleaning up.

“Thanks for taking care of that,” I acknowledge with appreciation and my son continues to the table.

And, that’s when the question hit me: How often do I thank my kids?

My husband and I have a very differing opinion on this subject, which seems to be transitioning lately to recognize (and appreciate) actions far more regularly. His approach is that you don’t need to say thank you for things that should be done anyway, whereas, I am of the mindset to let others know how much they and their actions are appreciated.

We certainly notice when things that should be done are not, and how to respond in that scenario — especially in the parenting realm?

Taking an appreciative approach to parenting shifts the household energy and is inspiring the transitioning I mention. We are letting go of “tough love” and leaning more and more into this “new” approach.

I think it’s fair to say parents want to raise children who are kind to others. Be respectful while interacting with others and your kids will follow (Baker et al., 2017). To achieve this, we need to first look in the mirror, take a close look and likely make some changes. Can one of those changes be a concerted effort to say “thank you”? If so, I think both you and your children will benefit.

How often do you notice your children’s positive behaviours? Do you let them know you appreciate the positive behaviour? Here’s are some actions that might be taking place around you where you can add a “thank you” to your parenting regime:

• “Thanks for helping me set the table.”
• “Thanks for watching your little brother so that I could shower.”
• “Thanks for picking up your toys.”
• “Thanks for clearing your dishes from the table.”
• “Thanks for putting your pull-up in the garbage.”
• “Thanks for hanging up your backpack.”
• “Thanks for brushing your teeth without me asking.”
• “Thanks for being so kind to the other children at the playground.”
• “It was helpful when you brought your bags in from the car; thank you.”

Learning appreciation is more important than ever in today’s world where so much instant gratification exists. Because of this, I feel it is often overlooked. While humans are hard-wired to care for others, our environment and external influences seem to be removing this natural instinct.

Are you a parent who thanks your child or do you feel the appreciation should be assumed when one is completing “expected tasks”? Let me know in the comments. Let’s expand the conversation — are there cultural aspects that influence this?

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Previously Published on medium

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Photo credit: by Wilhelm Gunkel on Unsplash