5 Reasons You Shouldn’t Go Back to Them

You’re sitting there binging on Netflix and ice cream when you get an unexpected text. Your heart skips a beat. Could this really be happening?

It’s from the one you loved — the one you lost. You’ve dreamt about them for a long time — wondering if they miss you too. Maybe this time it’s going to work.

Stop and think about it before you travel that path again. People don’t magically change. Be alert to the red flags, before you get your heart broken again. Here are 5 reasons not to go back to your ex.

There’s a reason you broke up

Time has a way of erasing memories of the past. Our minds edit out the bad parts and cling to the good. Remember there’s a reason a relationship ended. Jump starting a car with a dying battery, will only fix it temporarily. A relationship is the same way.

It’s time to remove the rose-colored glasses and remember all the times they hurt you and how they weren’t there for you in the past when you needed them.

I went back to someone who hurt me with the hopes he wouldn’t do it again. Yet it was worse than the last time. He was angry with me all the time — often bringing up things that happened in the past.

This often happened when things were going well between us. He felt a need to constantly remind me of my past mistakes.

Someone’s personality doesn’t change. They’re just on their best behavior until they’re certain you’re theirs again.

Do you really think the one you love changed? Do you believe that this time they’ll start treating you the way you hoped? A study showed that nearly half of teens and young adults who broke up got back together. Yet being lonely or bored is no reason to go back to a union that wasn’t working.

They may only be using you as an option

Many times an ex will randomly contact their past partner when they are lonely. They may have experienced a breakup and are bored. They remember how caring and devoted you were, and decide to reach out.

They’re not thinking of how this will impact you. It’s all about how they feel. Don’t delude yourself into thinking they missed you as you missed them.

Once they get back to you, they won’t treat you any differently. They are spending time with you until the right person comes along for them. Then they’ll let you go again, and go be with the one they really want.

The same conflicts still exist

When couples reunite, they are showing you the best version of themselves — temporarily.

Before long they will take off their mask and go back to their true selves.

If your partner frequently yelled at you, they’ll yell at you again.
If they were a narcissist, they still won’t prioritize someone other than themselves.
If they had no respect for you then, they won’t respect you now.
If you couldn’t communicate back then, you will still have problems connecting now. All the miscommunication you had back then will still be there this time too.
If your ex was a cheater, they don’t change their ways. You are taking an enormous risk by going back to them. The moment you argue with them, they’ll be wandering into someone else’s arms. Don’t let their fake promises fool you.

Because of the cheating, the trust issues will still be there. And a relationship can’t work if there is no trust between the two of you.

Unfortunately, you’ll dive into the same toxic situation you left, hoping for a different ending to your story.

They didn’t love you enough to stay

If your partner didn’t love you enough to stay with you back then, what makes you think they will love you more now?

If you weren’t good enough in their eyes back then, you won’t be good enough for them now. If they constantly flirted with others they thought were more attractive than you, why would you go back to that torture again?

They decided to let you go. They had no problem breaking your heart. Going back to the same dynamic will be risky. It may be impossible to build back trust again.

If you made the heartbreaking decision to leave them back then, there is a reason why you did it. Do you want to go back and settle for someone just because you’re lonely or you think you can’t get someone better for yourself? Then you’re using them until someone better comes along. And that’s unfair to both of you.

You both deserve to be with someone who is the complete package. If you look deep into your heart and know you are not attracted to them, don’t waste any more time.

There’s nothing sadder than a partner who isn’t loved. Deep down inside they know it, but they love their partner so much they let themselves be treated as second best. It destroys their self-worth. They’re always wondering why they don’t deserve to be loved.

You’ll miss the one you should be with

If you go back to a situation hoping it will be better this time, realize that you are blocking your future chances. There are people out there that will be more compatible with you.

If they know you are with someone else, most romantic prospects won’t approach you. You could have met someone kinder, more supportive, and shared your interests. Instead of lukewarm love, you could have had it all.

If you decide to return to your past relationship, you’ll need to work on all your issues. Going to a counselor or therapist to work on your problems would help. It’s a lot of work for something likely to fail.