What Actually Happens on the Day of Giving Birth

Unbeknownst to us, it was the night before our schedules would change forever. Both Binu and I were in a good mood and spent more time in the kitchen than was warranted. After a tasty dinner of channa masala, rice and prawns, we watched a Sivakarthikeyan&Soori comedy and retired to bed after lots of laughs.

Ironically, that night Binu opened up about her journey of pregnancy. My memory was rekindled and I reminded her of all the obstacles she had overcome during this period with God’s help from nausea, vomiting, fainting, acid reflux, back pain, blocked nose and waking up multiple times during the night. After this long discourse, my rumbling stomach led me into the kitchen for a snack and I realized it was past midnight. Plopping into bed, we fell asleep at once.

***

I woke up groggily on 4th May 2020 to find my wife entering the room. She was texting on her phone with a curious look on her face. ‘I feel some pain’ she mentioned. Now, I had heard similar complaints before but this time was different. She spoke softly and looked like someone putting on a brave face on the outside to hide the pain inside. I glanced at the time. 5am. Wow. The one night I sleep for less than 5 hours and this happens. God must surely have a sense of humour. Binu’s mother called at once and offered her words of comfort and advice. I could also hear her sister’s shrieks of excitement on hearing the news.

Binu was calm and serene at this time. As if she was sitting in a lounge chair, relaxing on the beach. Her mild contractions were once every 45 minutes or so. We contemplated texting our midwife and did so. She called immediately and congratulated Binu on going into labour. She asked her to remain calm and call her once the contractions came once every 2 minutes.

Upon hearing this my thoughts went back to the antenatal class we attended a few weeks ago. We had learnt that in New Zealand, mums are expected to labour at home and go to hospital for birth. I started visualizing multiple options and scenarios in my head. All this brouhaha had thrown away any ideas I had entertained about returning to sleep. I threw away my blanket and got up. Binu appeared serene and calm even during the spaced out contractions. ‘Was this the extreme pain mothers talked about?’ I wondered. However, within a few hours the time between contractions had drastically dropped to once every 10 minutes. We texted the midwife again and were told sternly to call her when the contractions came once every 2 minutes. We had learnt the importance of being calm during labour both from family members and during the class, so we tried distracting ourselves. This proved to be futile since I literally could not think of anything else. After a quick breakfast, we thought about what time our child would be born. I notified my parents. I could sense excitement and panic in their voices but they calmly told us to go ahead with our plan and notify them if their help was needed.

By this time, family members in India were worried since the protocol in India was to go straight to hospital even during transient phase of labour. Moreover, a family friend had made a bold prophesy that Binu would deliver before the midwife arrived. I blocked out any negative thoughts and checked the traffic on my phone. 20 minutes to the hospital. Not bad. A few hours passed by. Contractions were still spaced out and the pain was moderate. Binu was using the time between contractions wisely to finish some last minute packing and had a warm bath. I packed some clothes too and went through a mental checklist. Car seat? Done. Fuel? Done. Bags? Done.

***

The midwife checked in and told us that she was in hospital assisting someone else but the backup midwife, Debbie would come home and check in on Binu. ‘That was a nice touch’ we thought. If we knew how much she was dilated, that would give us an indication on how much more time it would take to leave to the hospital. Debbie came home and took Binu inside the bedroom and locked it. As I waited outside I heard Binu crying and moaning. ‘What was going on inside?’ I wondered. Binu had looked fine before she went in. I suddenly felt light-headed and faint. ‘Be strong’ I muttered to myself. ‘How was I to hold her hand during labour if I felt faint on hearing her cry?’ I worried. I prayed loudly ‘God give me courage’. I took a few deep breaths and determined that whatever happened I should be strong for Binu’s sake.

As the midwife came out I bombarded her with questions. ‘What did you do to my wife?’ ‘When do you expect us to leave for hospital?’ The midwife calmly replied that we still had a long way to go and labour for first time mums last for 24 hours on average. She had only checked the dilation and that was in early stages. I went inside and gave Binu a hug. ‘You will be fine de’ I said. After the midwife left, we had some lunch. Since we learnt that labour could last 24 hours, Binu definitely needed strength and sustenance till then. So we both ate well even though our minds were elsewhere.

After lunch, the time between contractions and the intensity picked up. We talked to a family friend (also called Binu believe it or not) who gave birth to two kids in Auckland and got some info and advice from her. After the chat, Binu went inside the smaller room where she would would stay till we left for hospital. She tried different positions to help ease the pain. She suddenly realized that sitting on a hard surface like the toilet seat was comfortable. So we grabbed the hardest chair and plonked her on it. I could see the relief on her face.

As the contractions got more intense and painful, I could see Binu’s whole body shiver in pain. But she did not utter a word. Tears welled up in my eyes upon witnessing the strength of my wife. She had immense mental strength and I was so proud of her. She would time her contractions and between them would drink some water and eat some snacks I prepared for her. I packed some chapatis and channa into a bag. I went back to the room and shared some of my childhood experiences with Binu to distract her. The pain was definitely more intense now and etched all over her face. We placed a quick video call between contractions to her parents in India who distracted her for a bit.

***

The sky was turning dark outside and it had started raining. I recollected our niece’s birth and Binu had told me a similar story. Rain outside. Darkness. Binu had always wanted to have the baby during night time. Rain only added to the drama. Binu liked rain. I sensed she might have her wish after all. As the pain intensified, I downloaded an app to time the contractions more accurately. We hit 3 minutes between contractions for the first time. We had to leave soon I figured. In between contractions I brought the car to the door, threw in the bags, checked Binu’s lists, changed my clothes and put on her shoes. The timer said 3 minutes again. I put on Binu’s shoes, went to the toilet, and grabbed our rain jackets. I called both sets of parents and informed them that we would leave soon. I sensed gladness and relief on the other end. The timer said 3 minutes one more time and I called the midwife. We were leaving to the hospital. We would wait in the car till she had a room available but we would delay no more. The midwife consented. I half-carried Binu into the car, strapped our seatbelts and we were off. Thanks to the Covid pandemic there was nobody on the roads.

‘17 min to go’ I thought to myself. As the time ticked, I kept glancing over at Binu. The calmness that she had at home was slowly wearing off and I could detect a level of anxiety. ‘Probably a good idea that we had stayed home for so long’ I thought to myself. The familiar setting of home and having me close by distracting her had definitely helped during the early stages. I told her a story. About bears and honey and a boy. The story made no sense but I had to shift her focus. I would later realise that the anxiety she felt then was because her contractions had gotten slower.

***

Upon reaching the hospital I parked at the birthing carpark and found that the paymachine wasn’t working. The parking ticket was the only payment I needed to make that day and it turned out that God had taken care of that also. I waited till Binu’s next contraction finished and we made our way into the hospital. A lady interviewed us asking if we had any Covid symptoms. ‘Seriously! My wife is in labour!’ I wanted to shout at her. But we patiently answered the questions and were let inside. The midwife had arranged a room and asked us to come upstairs. We took the lift up between contractions.

Our midwife rushed to meet us. Upon seeing Binu’s smiling, calm countenance, she lost her temper thinking it was a false alarm and that Binu had not gone into established labour. I impressed upon her that Binu did have strong contractions that became milder only during our car journey. She blamed our anxiety as the reason and told us she would check and send us home if there was still plenty of time to go.

Now I was fuming, but decided mentally that we were not going home before birth whatever happened. I knew Binu was close to giving birth in a few hours. Binu was praying fervently that her pain and contractions would increase. She calmly told me that it was okay if we have to go home and wait there till the intensity of contractions increased. My respect and awe for my wife soared even further. We went into the room and Binu was given the hospital dress to wear. She went into the toilet. A nurse came and asked if I wanted anything to eat. I ordered a piece of chocolate cake and a cup of hot tea. Even though I had doubts if I could eat then, I figured we would stay for a few hours so it would come in handy then.

As Binu came back and laid down on the bed, the midwife said she would check the dilation and it would be painful. I remembered the checking process in the afternoon and Binu crying. Would I be able to handle that again? Then God gave me a thought. ‘Binu needs you’. I held on to that one thought and asked her to hold my hand tightly. With one hand she inhaled the gas (which was a pain management tool) and I held her other hand. I kept praising her and encouraging her as the midwife’s hand went in and I felt her writhing in pain. The gas definitely helped but I encouraged her more and more with each scream, telling her that everything would be alright and that the pain would subside. The midwife finished and her face was in stunned disbelief as she realized how strong my wife was in dealing with the pain. Binu was more than 6cm dilated. The midwife then said she would try breaking the waters. We braced for more pain and I told Binu how amazing she was. To our utter amazement, the water was already broken!

I do believe that God works miracles but to see him so evidently at work at such a testing time truly blew my mind.

I cheered and kissed Binu as the contractions went up another notch. At that time, the midwife and I glanced at the heart rate monitor fitted on Binu which displayed the baby’s heart rate. The sound was ominous and in a matter of minutes it disappeared. My heart almost stopped as the instant of ecstasy turned to shock. The only thought running through my mind then was ‘keep Binu calm’. I talked to her casually about how everything was fine but in the background the midwife was flustered and making calls for the specialists to come over at once. Both Binu and I were praying to God. As I turned Binu towards me, the heart rate monitor flickered again! The midwife rushed over overjoyed and we realized that the baby had simply changed positions so tilting Binu helped achieve the heart rate. I smiled. God was clearly here. I could sense his presence all over the situation. This was going to be awesome.

In a matter of minutes, the midwife realized that Binu had jumped to 10cm dilation! She stated the fact loudly and started preparing for delivery. She made a quick call to Debbie who came inside with a large smile. They told Binu not to push as they got some materials ready. As the pain ramped up, I kept muttering to Binu about how God is in control and how everything is going to be so smooth. I realized that breathing deeply had a positive impact so asked her to breathe and focus on that. In. Out. In. Out. As I mentioned the words I rocked back and forth. When they knew baby was ready, the midwives shouted ‘push’ and I joined in too adrenaline coursing through my veins.

***

And as we entered the last phase of labour I understood why nobody talked about this. Pain. Sheer, deep, raw pain. I could see it in Binu’s scrunched up closed eyes and her muffled screams through the gas. Each of her legs were on the shoulders of each of the midwives and I guided her hands to the bedrest so she could clamp hard on them. The midwives wanted her to push between every contraction. I could see how this would need every ounce of Binu’s energy. At the start when she pushed, all the energy was stuck in her throat. The midwives asked her to focus on pushing down and we went again. The cycle was tiring Binu out but we could see signs of the baby’s head! So close! Go Bin Go! I screamed as the pain almost blacked her out. At this stage the midwife took the gas out so she could push with full force. I held her back and propelled it forwards as we all urged her on. Blood was all over the bed.

I normally feel sick at the sight of blood but today I felt elated and full of energy.

I knew we were close and I knew Binu was hearing my voice and depended on me. The midwives asked me to stop talking but I knew my wife. Binu likes hearing my voice and that helps her feel safe and loved. I talked over their voices, close to her ear. Verses I had learnt; they all came out. After a few more tries, the head was still not out and it was evident to all that Binu would have only one more big push in her. The midwife asked her to open her eyes and told her she needed one big final push. She even took Binu’s hands and made her touch baby’s head for added motivation.

And it was time. The final push. Binu summoned all her energy and screamed as the baby’s head came out. That last bit must have been like walking into fire as she gave it everything and shouted Jesus’s name before collapsing back on the bed. I had tears in my eyes and gave her a massive hug. The rest of the phase was comparatively easier as the baby came out.

That day I learnt what resistance to pain was. I learnt how brave and strong my wife was. No crying, no fussing about, she was perfect. On her marriage day I thought I could never love her more but the day our baby was born superseded everything.

The midwives were in awe and amazement and talked highly of Binu’s ability to manage pain and rise above it. God had given both of us supernatural strength to deal with the pain but proceedings were not over yet. The placenta had to be taken out and the tear stitched up. I kept encouraging Binu that we were almost done and baby was out! The midwives placed the baby on Binu’s chest straight after he came out to start bonding. I looked at the gross, gooey crawly creature on Binu’s chest and struggled to realize that he was the son I had been waiting for all along. Binu had no such hesitation. She held him close to her and kept saying ‘Cheri da’ in a loud voice soothing the poor baby. As the stitches were being done and Binu bonded with the baby, I glanced at the time. It was around 10:30pm.

***

Two hours since we reached the hospital and Binu was holding the baby in her arms. To say I was proud of her was an understatement. I truly believe every dad should take the opportunity to accompany their wife during labour. It is scary but an eye-opening experience that makes you realize how strong your wife is and the level of immense pain she has been through. The midwife then taught Binu how to breastfeed! And to our surprise the baby latched on soon and began sucking. I was asked to hold the fragile baby in position but I found it quite challenging.

I called both our families then and showed them Binu and the little treasure. They were overjoyed! I informed my parents to come home around 1:30pm since we decided not to go to the birthing unit after. The birthing unit had Covid restrictions so Binu had to stay alone overnight if she chose that option.

Binu suddenly realized how ravenously hungry she was after all that work and gulfed down three jam sandwiches I had prepared along with 3 sandwiches provided by the hospital. Miraculously, Binu had strength for a bath after all that. I helped her along and supported her and it was a privilege. At this time, baby’s measurements were taken and a dose of Vitamin K administered via injection.

We put some clothes on the baby and he looked so cute. And finally, it was time to go home. We packed everything and went down together. Binu was in a wheelchair since it was difficult for her to walk. Once we were downstairs I grabbed the car seat from the car. And then one by one, Binu and baby were taken to the car and buckled in. We said goodbye to our midwife and left for home. It was after 1:30pm. The tiredness started to sink in so I focused on the road and blocked out crying sounds from the baby at the back.

There were many lessons I learnt that day. I learnt how strong in her faith my wife was. I learnt how powerful God was in changing situations. I learnt how his presence gave me strength to overcome all my fears. I realised I loved Nivin so much and wondered how much more God would love me as My Father. I made a decision that day to learn more about God. I was going to drink in Scripture and develop a stronger relationship with Him.

There are times in life when you doubt His presence or He feels far away. But in that hospital room I had no doubt whatsoever. His presence filled every nook and cranny of the room pouring confidence and love into our hearts. He was there.

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This post was previously published on Medium.

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