I had gone out to the balcony to take a call.
When I returned to the drawing-room, I saw him playing James Bay while humming to the tune. He had no idea I was watching him from afar; he was too busy to notice.
We’d only been dating for a month. We’re still in the honeymoon period, where we kept our authentic versions to ourselves. I didn’t share my poetry or journal entries; he didn’t sing anything in front of me.
I was thrilled to see him play and sing for the first time. He was lost in his art. It was such a compelling moment.
He was himself, with no layers — completely free.
Not worried about how he would look while playing in front of or if he missed a beat, nothing mattered to him as he relinquished that beautiful moment with himself.
None of these thoughts come to my mind at that time, but they came over at night while I was reading my book at midnight alone in my room with Jazz playing in the background and yellow light giving the noir effect.
It got me thinking about how much I enjoy this solitude. I wait for every day to get to an end so I could be with myself and truly and fully embrace every single thought I think.
I wait for those quiet nights when I am no longer have to talk to people or reply to their messages, worrying about what to say and anticipate their reply.
This moment when I am alone with myself — I am free, and I am content.
It’s like I am on a date with myself, and I want no distraction. I try my best to entertain myself and keep myself company so I don’t have to involve in meaningless conversations or date random people because I can’t handle solitude.
The strength to be on your own and be there for your wildest thoughts every day is powerful. It’s the most romantic thing I have ever seen.
It’s enjoying yourself. It’s about not needing external support or validation.
You, lost in your work; oblivious about the world around you.
The self-sufficiency and competence and poise — it’s like being in the flow state. It’s attractive if you ask me. Still wondering, how?
Think about the time when you find your partner reading a book or doing the dishes. You steal a glance of them engrossed in that task and thought to yourself
“Oh damn! How did I get this lucky.”
I am talking about that feeling. You love those moments because you know they’re not desperate for you. They are happy in their cocoon.
In school, I’d lose interest in my crushes who confessed about having feelings for me. I was a kid, but I felt a strong dismissal towards them.
Human beings are complex creators. We find things romantic when they don’t even involve us. We may want to be with someone who wants us, but we’re attracted to people who don’t want us.
According to Helen Fisher and her colleagues, romantic rejection gets us hooked because this sort of rejection stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, and cravings.
So basically, if you try to be yourself and do your own thing, your partner will likely entice you to gain your attention than he usually does.
Most of the time, I get lost looking at people around me while traveling or dining alone. The way they live their moment and cherish it makes me gushy. Maybe I am too emotional.
But how can you not feel something when the love of your life is doing what they’re super passionate about. Maybe they code, or paint, or write. It could be anything — but I am hell sure it’s going to be super sexy for you.
It is not only great when people you love do it, and it gets even better when you practice it in your life.
This Is Why I Love Solitude
Having lived alone for work and during the final years of my education, it took some time to adjust to being on my own. There were days when I would spend most of my meals eating alone. I would get conscious about being in a public place all by myself.
After I understood this concept, I started enjoying these solo shenanigans.
The moment when you start enjoying your own company is the moment you forget about the rest of the world.
Before you try to get intimate with your spouse, make sure you’re intimate with yourself first. Because if you don’t enjoy your own company, nobody is going to.
People find this romantic, and they don’t talk about it. What would they say, anyway? That I enjoy you being alone? That will totally backfire!
That’s what makes the unspoken romantic quality that nodoby talks about.
The most romantic thing in the world is enjoying your own company!
—
This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
***
You might also like these from The Good Men Project:
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: iStock
