FWB vs Casual Dating: Why You Shouldn’t Be in Any of It

Are you one of those millennials who like to either stay in a situationship/FWB phase?

I’ve seen too many people who are in that kind of relationship nowadays. In their defense, “I’m not looking for something serious anyway, so why not?” But I’ll be the one to disagree here. None of these relationships are good for you, especially in the long run. And yes, it’s very much time-wasted.

However, many don’t admit this. They don’t even want to know what situation they’re currently in. Don’t let it be you — simply because I think you deserve better.

But first, let’s differentiate the difference between both to get a clear understanding:

Casual Dating Situation

I lost count of how many times my friends came up to me saying about the same thing over and over again; “I really like this guy, but he only wants to keep it casual. Should I wait for him to change his mind?”

Those who ended up waiting always feel hurt in the end — simply because casual dating doesn’t evolve.

When you like someone so much, but they don’t want the same thing as you do, the best thing you can do is to let them go. You aren’t doing it for them — you are doing it for you.

You can assure yourself things will change once you both spend more time together more but isn’t it mentally tiring being in such a situation? Wouldn’t it be better if you actually with someone who wants the same thing in the early stages you met them?

In short, you don’t have to be in this kind of relationship if you don’t want to. You just need to be bold in speaking what you need in a partner. Believe it or not, mostly this happens to people who don’t know what they want, so they sort of settle down while trying to “figure out” their needs along the way.

On the other hand, I’ve also heard girls who just want to keep things casual because they aren’t ready for a committed relationship. But when they end up wanting something serious 2 years later, they find the guy isn’t on the same page with her.

Casual dating doesn’t work because it’s like you invest your time and energy in something that’s not clear yet whether you’ll get the same return or not. In a serious relationship, we can feel secure because we know what we sign up for.

You don’t have to be truly committed in the get-go, of course, but having the intention to build a good healthy relationship with someone in the beginning can help you cut off the unnecessary emotional stress that casual dating causes you.

Friends With Benefits (FWB)

I don’t get the hype from this kind of relationship, like for real.

You met someone through the Bumble Friends page, and you both clicked. But wait, you don’t want a relationship, and the same thing with them, so you decide if you can stay as “friends” but then have sex with each other.

You don’t send each other goodnight/good morning texts, and you don’t even check up on each other in a “cute” way every day. All you do is hit them up at random times for either sex or just chill.

You feel good enough for having someone who “could” be there for you when you need to fulfill your sexual needs but the problem with a relationship like this is when either one or both parties start catching feelings.

That’s where things get complicated because you don’t want to have this fun, cool thing you have with them with something more serious like a committed relationship.

Plus, you aren’t sure either if they’re into you as much as you do.

Should You Be in Any of It?

“… to be in any sort of relationship where you do not express yourself, simply to keep the peace, is a relationship ruled by one person and will never be balanced or healthy.”― Bronnie Ware

You probably can guess my answer. Yes, I don’t think you should be in any of these uncertain relationships. It’s either you’re in or not — there’s no stuck in between where there’s no clarity.

Mark Manson ever mentioned that if it’s not a “fuck yes,” then it’s already a “no,” and you shouldn’t proceed further with that uncertain feeling.

You can tell yourself however you want that you don’t want a marriage. Thus, this type of relationship is okay. But being serious with someone doesn’t always need to lead to marriage right away.

Sure, you might not see the impact on your emotional well-being right now, but when it hit more than a year, you’ll start questioning if this is what you want.

Feelings change all the time, and so do our needs. And trust me, there’s no way you can change your partner (who told you, in the beginning, they want a casual/FWB relationship) into someone you want to settle down with.

Sure, if you’re lucky, it might evolve into something serious, but isn’t it powerless to depend on your life only based on that luck?

Let me remind you that you always have control over it, and just because you really really really like this new person, that doesn’t mean you give your power to let them decide what type of relationship you can have. If they don’t want the same thing as you do, it’s always best to let it go as early as possible.

The truth is, you can have it all; a fun, exciting healthy, but also a committed relationship at the same time. Many people have done it. I’ve done it.

And trust me when I say a meaningful relationship can be one of the best things that happen in your life.

—

Previously Published on medium

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything

—

Photo credit: Shutterstock