5 Steps To Get Over Being Ghosted

When I got ghosted by someone I cared about, I felt used for all I had. I felt chewed up, spit out, and tossed aside like a piece of gum on the roadside.

How could someone go from contacting me every day to treating me like I didn’t exist? It was embarrassing to care so much about someone who had treated me so badly. My head swirled with painful questions I couldn’t find the answers to. I didn’t know how to get over being ghosted, so like any 21st Century woman, I turned to Auntie Google for answers.

A quick search showed that so many people have been the victim of ghosting. Forums are filled with stories similar to mine. They are full of wounded hearts, well-meaning advice, and judgemental statements.

“Just move on! His silence is all the closure you need”

“He’s a narcissist. Trust me, you had a lucky escape!”

“You shouldn’t have gotten attached so quickly! Go more slowly next time”

You could argue this was all good advice, but there was one quintessential problem with it.

I was grieving the loss of someone I loved.

I couldn’t just shake it off and pretend I wasn’t hurt. I was hurt.

You can’t get over being ghosted by papering over the cracks.

There’s no magic pill to make you instantly forget about someone you love. You need to go through a grieving process, just like any breakup.

Is the person who ghosted you worth grieving? No.

Is the relationship you shared together worth grieving? Yes.

Why? Because it was real to you.

So how exactly do you get over being ghosted? Here’s what worked for me:

1. Let Yourself Feel Sad

It’s normal to feel depressed after being ghosted. It’s a painful experience, and the only way to get through the pain is to feel it. Acknowledge it. Let it wash all over you. Take the time you need. Don’t feel ashamed to admit you got hurt. Anyone would have been hurt by this.

Crying is a natural step towards healing, and it’s healthy to let your feelings out. According to Harvard Health Publishing, emotional tears help flush stress hormones and toxins out of our systems. Our tears also release oxytocin and endogenous opioids (endorphins) which help to ease emotional and physical pain.

On the flip side, repressing tears can have a negative impact on your health. Studies have found that ‘repressive coping’ can manifest in negative ways such as cardiovascular disease, hypertension, a weakened immune system, and depression.

2. Let Yourself Get Angry

Now, I’m not suggesting you go out and slash Casper’s car tires; that will just get you arrested and make you look crazy. But I am giving you permission to get angry. Anger feels SO much better than depression because it gives us a small sense of control.

This person treated you like crap. You didn’t deserve it, and it’s NOT okay!

So, how do you get angry in a healthy way?

There are a few ways you can go about it.

• Get physical: If you have a lot of pent-up energy, burn it off with exercise. Running, dancing, boxing … any kind of cardio exercise that gets your heart pumping will help.
• Go No-Contact: Refusing to respond to someone who ghosted you is a healthy display of anger. They chose to ghost you, and deemed you unworthy of “goodbye”. Now you can deem them unworthy of your time and energy. Silence speaks volumes.
• Write it down: A pen and paper will not judge you. It’s your own private space to get as furious and honest as you want to. Don’t share it with anyone. Just let all the rage flow out of you, so it no longer eats up your heart and mind.

3. Vent Your Thoughts and Feelings

If you want to get over being ghosted, don’t keep your feelings bottled up. It’s much healthier to express them, and it will help you heal quicker.

As the famous phrase says “A problem shared is a problem halved”. Talk about your feelings, and open up to someone you trust. If you can afford it, I recommend seeing a therapist. Being ghosted can be a traumatic experience, and getting professional help might help you process the pain.

If you don’t feel comfortable voicing your feelings to another person, you could try writing them down. Writing can be highly therapeutic and works as a safe space for you to express your true thoughts.

Pour your heart out onto the paper and be 100% honest. Get angry. Get sad. No one needs to see it.

You can even write a letter to the ghoster. Don’t stop until you’ve said all you need to say, but don’t send it. Never give them the satisfaction of knowing how much they hurt you. Instead, rip it up and make a healing ritual out of it.

4. Consider What You’ve learned

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade “ — Elbert Hubbard

The more relationships we have, the more we learn about ourselves and others. Bad things happen sometimes; it’s an inevitable part of life. But we always have two choices:

a) Let the bad things destroy us and make our lives miserable; or

b) Filter the bad stuff for any valuable nuggets of wisdom and move on.

Option a) leaves us feeling powerless.

Option b) leaves us feeling empowered.

Being ghosted taught me to take things more slowly next time. There are a lot of wolves in sheep clothing around, and we can’t always take people at face value. From now on, I’ll offer my trust in installment plans; men will have to work hard to unlock each new level of my heart.

5. Give Yourself Time To Get Over Being Ghosted

Being ghosted by someone you care about is traumatic, and you need to give yourself the time and space to grieve. Just as with any kind of grieving, you can’t rush the healing process. It takes time, courage, and patience to move on.

It might feel as though you’re taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back. It’s completely normal to feel frustrated sometimes. It’s a cliche (but a true one) to say that time does heal. You may always bear the scars of things that have hurt you, but eventually, those wounds will heal and become a lot less raw.

You can get over being ghosted, but you can’t do it without acknowledging that it hurts. Any kind of breakup can be excruciating, but when there’s no closure, it makes things a million times worse.

There are so many unanswered questions when a relationship ends with no explanation. Take the time to process and work through your feelings. In time, the pain will start to fade, and you’ll stop being haunted by the person who ghosted you. Additional Read: Reasons Why Ghosters Always Come Back To You.

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Previously Published on medium

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