The 2-Step Process to Compatibility

Ask Wendy: Dating, Sex & Relationship Advice for the Bold

Hey Wendy!

I’m dating a 50-year-old, and I’m in my early 40’s. I’m wondering, how can I tell if we’re compatible and if we’ll have fun together? He drinks some, and I don’t drink. I’m a trail runner, he’s a street runner (marathons). It seems like we don’t have a lot of activities in common. So how do you know?

Sarah C.

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Dear Sarah,

While having activities (outdoor or otherwise) in common is preferred, it’s not required for a happy life together. I’m assuming you like trail running solo or you have running buddies already, right?

It really does take a village to get all our needs met to be a well-rounded, happy person. And those who lean on their partners for everything are usually much worse off than those who have a healthy network of friends and loved ones to help get the job done.

So, to answer your question, “How can I tell?” Here’s your two-step approach:

Grab Partner-Have-to-Haves DIY Workshop. I designed this course to literally answer this very question for all humans everywhere. In just a couple of hours, you’ll know exactly what you need from your future partner to be happy. You’ll discover what you can go without. And you’ll get a clearer picture of where you can get more of what you need if you can’t get it from him.
Once you’ve done Partner Have-to-Haves, then try running this person through what I call The Laundromat Test. Do you like him? I mean, sure he’s cute, has a nice butt, and he’s sweet to you but do you actually like hanging out with him? Do you look forward to spending time with him? Would you want to spend four and a half hours with him at the public laundromat washing clothes?

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I’m guessing you could have a pretty good time with just about anyone when you’re off on an adventure, especially if it’s a romantic, weekend getaway but what about in the mundane?

If you two pair up, there will be oodles and oodles of hours that are mundane.

Do you think he’s funny?

Do you like to hear him tell stories?

Is he a good listener?

Do you feel seen?

Does he make your day better?

Do you like how his brain works?

Do you respect what he’s about and what he’s working on in his life?

Whether you choose to do my deep-dive DIY workshop or not, these questions above are the starting points for compatibility.

Also remember, you don’t have to figure it all out in the first few dates. This is what dating is all about: a series of meetings to see if you enjoy hanging out with each other, and can appreciate each other’s uniqueness and adorable quirks.

Happy discovering!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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