Why Most Guys Can’t Get a Girlfriend

Are you done with dating? Are you just fed up?! Why can’t you catch a break? Maybe you’re feeling frustrated because you can’t seem to get a girlfriend, or maybe you’re just looking to up your game and become that guy who finally gets the girl! Whatever your motivation, you’re in luck because, in this article, I want to explore and break down all the reasons why some guys are more successful with women than others and why you might be struggling to find your dream girl.

Being a Gentleman is shit advice.

When I was about 13–14 years old, I started to really like girls. My mum would give me the old cliched advice.

“Just be a gentleman.”

“Be nice”

“Open doors for her”

“buy flowers”

“buy the meal.”

“never let her pay for anything.”

But unfortunately, this approach didn’t always work for me, especially as a teenager. I got buried by these women. I was called soft and too nice and a walk over. It was always great to do them favors and be called, “Trey, you’re such a nice guy.”

But it wasn’t really a major attraction trigger.

Meanwhile, the guys that called these women

“Hoes”

“Easy”

“Great in bed.”

And other names in the locker room I don’t dare to re-type seemed to get all the women.

As I got into my late teens, I realized that there was more to attraction than just being a gentleman and that treating every woman like a princess wasn’t enough, not even close.

I discovered through trial and error and commons sense that men have certain instincts to provide and protect, but these instincts need to be overcome in order to connect with someone on a deeper level. It needs to be deeper than what you’re biologically wired to do.

Of course, my mum gave me this advice. It was based on the damn ’60s!

The approach of “just be a gentleman” or “be nice” towards women does not always work because it is based on outdated and sexist gender roles. It assumes that women are delicate little creatures in need of protection and that men must be the ones to provide for them. From an early age, without even knowing it, this puts pressure on men to fulfill certain expectations and roles that may not align with their true personalities and can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration. Telling men to “be nice” to women is like telling a chef to “just add salt” to a dish. It’s a simplistic solution that ignores the complexity of the situation.

The brutal reality is most women don’t like pushovers or men who are not assertive enough; it’s very much an unattractive ick to some women. Women are not and have never been some rigged monolithic group and will always have diverse preferences and personalities, so assuming that all women will respond positively to a certain type of behavior is misguided, myopic, and a little dangerous.

This approach can lead to unequal power dynamics in relationships, which means it’s doomed from the start. By always paying for everything and insisting on carrying bags, men can unintentionally reinforce gender stereotypes and perpetuate the idea that women cannot take care of themselves. This can make some women feel infantilized and dependent on their male partners.

Don’t get me wrong, you can do these things as a show of love and respect and wanting to do something for your GIRLFRIEND. But not someone you barely know; just take it easy and focus on getting to know someone first. Putting a woman who you know nothing about on a pedestal is a recipe for disaster. Being a gentleman is a great thing! But that should only be 10% of what you bring to the equation.

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.” — Nicholas Sparks

Focus on Unique Pairings in Relationships

One amazing quality you have that can make you attractive is something called “unique pairing” which makes someone you a positive addiction, not just an attraction.

If you create a unique pairing, you will be very difficult to replace.

The more unique pairings you have, the more you become a finite person in the dating world, where there is only a small portion, if any, of people like you around.

A “unique pairing” is when you find someone with a quality that complements your own but challenges you in some way. It’s when you meet someone who has an edge. They make you think, “wow.”

Some examples include:

A kind-hearted person who also has a bold and adventurous spirit.
Someone who is ambitious and driven, but also values quality time and deep connection with their partner.
A person who is both intellectually stimulating and emotionally nurturing.
A partner who is both physically attractive and has a great sense of humor.
Someone who is independent and self-sufficient but also values collaboration and working together with their partner.
A person who is both passionate and compassionate and able to bring intensity and emotional connection to the relationship.
A partner who is both spontaneous and reliable and able to bring excitement and stability to the relationship.
Someone who is confident and assertive, but also respectful and considerate of their partner’s feelings and needs.

Ya, see! Nothing esoteric. Nothing magical, just the basics of a unique and well-rounded personality. A man who fosters a deep sense of duality and the kind of personality you know you’ll meet once in a blue moon is the kind of man some women can’t help but gravitate towards.

To be honest, all of this talk is fluff, though, right? Finding a unique pairing is rough. In a culture that often values entitlement and instant gratification, a lot of people settle for someone who doesn’t quite fit the bill. Or they overestimate and keep searching for someone that will never exist.

As a man, become a unique pairing that creates an addiction rather than just an attraction. And don’t be afraid to put in the effort to maintain that passion and desire. Trust me being a finite dating commodity will always have its perks and allow you better options.

You gotta improve your charm.

“Charming men are disgusting and horrible” — No Woman Ever.

Some guys are more successful with women than others is because they’re more charming. Now, you might be thinking, “But I’m just not a charming person!” But anyone can learn to be charming. It’s not something you’re innately born with; it’s something you develop over time by pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and practicing social skills. So if you want to be more charming, try some of these things :

Being charming is a combination of several social skills, such as having a good sense of humor, being confident, being attentive, being empathetic, and being charismatic:

Work on your social skills: Being charming requires good social skills such as active listening, engaging in small talk, and making people feel comfortable around you. So try to engage in more social activities and practice talking to new people. Start small by striking up conversations with strangers in low-pressure situations like the grocery store or coffee shop.

Be confident: Confidence is an attractive quality that can make you more charming. To boost your confidence, practice self-care, and positive self-talk and build up your self-esteem. Take care of your physical appearance, exercise regularly, and practice mindfulness or meditation to calm your mind and boost your self-esteem.

Show empathy: But not just to “get chicks” Being able to understand and connect with other people’s emotions is a key trait of a charming person. Practice active listening and show genuine interest in other people’s lives. Ask questions, offer support, and show empathy when someone shares their experiences with you.

Develop your sense of humor: A good sense of humor can be a great way to charm people. Try to find humor in everyday situations, and don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself. You can also practice telling jokes or sharing funny stories to improve your sense of humor.

Practice being charismatic: Charisma is a combination of several qualities, such as confidence, assertiveness, and the ability to connect with people. To be more charismatic, practice speaking clearly and confidently, making eye contact, and using positive body language. Work on developing your personal brand and showcasing your strengths and unique qualities.

Take risks: Being charming often involves taking risks and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Don’t be afraid to try new things, take on new challenges, or approach people you find interesting. Remember that practice makes perfect, so the more you push yourself, the more charming you’ll become.

Ya see!? So it’s not just a question of “being charming,” but a charming personality is a combination of several social skills that can be developed and improved with practice and effort.

Practice and effort MOFO. There’s no getting around it.

By working on your social skills, building your confidence, showing empathy, developing your sense of humor, practicing being charismatic, and taking risks, you can train yourself to become one of the most charming men on the planet. Who wouldn’t want to be with you?

Just say NO to entitlement.

Women don’t owe you shit.

You chose to take them out; you chose to spend your money on her. They don’t owe you anything.

Women can smell an air of entitlement a mile away.

Studies have shown that one key factor separating successful men from unsuccessful ones is their mindset. Successful men don’t have a sense of entitlement when it comes to women.

What does it mean to have a sense of entitlement? It means a person believes they deserve something without working for it. In the context of dating, it means that a man believes he deserves the attention, affection, or sexual favors of a woman simply because he exists or paid for a date or showed up. This mindset is not only unattractive to women, but it can also be harmful to the man’s own self-esteem and confidence.

Men who are successful with women have a different mindset. They understand that they have to put in the effort and work to attract and maintain a woman’s interest. They know that women are not just objects to be won over but individuals with their own desires and preferences. This mindset shows that the man is independent and self-sufficient, which is attractive to women.

Having a sense of entitlement can also lead to toxic behaviors such as manipulation, coercion, and harassment. Men who feel entitled to women’s attention may try to manipulate or coerce them into giving it to them. This hazardous and detrimental behavior it’s not only harmful to women, but it also shows a lack of respect for their autonomy and boundaries.

Believe it or not, when you respect women’s boundaries, they actually really like it.

I’m not trying to be a sarcastic virtue-signaling asshole here, but I’m saving you from making silly mistakes and trying to put you into a position where you can get the women of your dreams.

In conclusion:

Billions of men can’t seem to get a girlfriend right now, no matter how hard they try. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing you’re entitled to the most attractive girls just because you’re a man. I don’t want this for you.

The truth is, you must remember you’re not entitled to anything. In fact, with an estimated 3.97 billion men on the planet, it’s more important than ever to stand out and make yourself unique. The problem is most guys don’t know how to do that. They can’t tell you what makes them different from the other 4 billion guys out there.

Social media has completely changed the dating game, and now girls have access to hundreds if not thousands upon thousands of thirsty men with the swipe of a finger on the biggest social media platforms out there. Your competition as a man is no longer just the guys in your neighborhood, school, or workplace. It’s pretty much the entire country or even the world.

So how do you stand out in a sea of thirsty suckers? You need to make yourself unique. You should develop yourself to become someone girls want to be with because of who you are, not just because you’re a guy.

Men need to develop a unique and well-rounded personality, improve their social skills, and avoid having a sense of entitlement. Women are not objects to be won over but individuals with their own desires and preferences. By showing respect for their autonomy and boundaries, you can create a positive and lasting relationship with the women of your dreams. So, practice and effort are necessary to become one of the most charming men on the planet, but having a fulfilling and meaningful relationship is worth it.

Cheers,

t.h.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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