Change the Way You Date

I wanted someone to only adapt to my lifestyle

Right? The right person will automatically fall in line.

Wrong. The right person will understand some things you can’t give up or budge on. But the right person you will want to adjust certain aspects of your life. Something I realized after failed #168 was that it wasn’t always about me. Sure, I was looking for a life partner, someone who is going to fit right in. But I also have to fit into their lives and that was complicated for me.

So I changed that. I changed the way I saw myself. I saw myself as someone who is adaptable. Someone who can easily go with the flow and someone who can take criticism. This was new for me.

I needed someone who checked all my boxes.

Everyone has a checklist and everyone wants people to check off all boxes on their checklists.

I had a check list. My check list was something that I couldn’t get over. Until I did. I wanted to be happy and by stifling myself I wasn’t making myself happy. I was holding people up to a standard that could have been with the perfect person a long time ago had I given up on some the outrageous things on my check list.

And yes, everyone falls victim to this. It’s something that we don’t realize we’re doing but someone who still lives at home gives you the ick. Or when they speak a certain way you get a little turned off. When in reality, you just are being a little overly picky and could learn to love the slight difference in voice/sentence structure or realize that the economy isn’t what it used to be.

Ditch the bad advice from your friends

When my boyfriend asked me for space to clear his head and get some things together, no more than 3 days (this was true), one of my “closest” friends told me that if he needs space he can go to the moon. That space is a cop-out and his way of breaking up with me and told me to “stand-up” and pull myself together. She encouraged me to go on a date that night.

This was the complete opposite of what I did. I gave him his space, let him know that when he’s ready I’m here for him and 3 days later we had a conversation that changed the trajectory of our relationship. Not all of your friends want you to win and this was my proof.

At the end of the day, everything you do counts. So when you’re out there looking for love, remember to love yourself first.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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