.
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Jessica Stansell-Aiyegbusi spent her childhood in the foster care system, so she grew up determined to become the parent she never had. After becoming a mother to five kids of her own and a mother figure to countless others, it all took a turn when she was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer. Realizing her time on earth was limited only strengthened Jessica’s enduring message that the key to life is love.
Travis Flores was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis when he was only four months old. Having grown up with a terminal prognosis, Travis defied the odds by publishing his own children’s book at thirteen, becoming an advocate for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, and starting a social movement called #YellowHeartSquad to help people around the world find inner happiness.
In collaboration with Wayfarer.
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:03
i want everyone to know
00:04
you don’t have to find out you’re dying
00:06
to start living
00:10
we’re all gonna go it’s how are you
00:12
gonna go out
00:18
so i’m dying
00:19
[Music]
00:22
faster than everyone else
00:26
you’re in the battle of your life i mean
00:28
the 12 items in our last lane
00:30
and that’s okay i’m listening to the
00:32
trees i’m living
00:34
i’m alive right now
00:38
[Music]
00:41
happiness is not a limited resource i’m
00:44
totally going to hell for this
00:45
[Applause]
00:47
you guys did that just happen
00:53
hey what you figured it’s about time
01:00
thank you all so much for being here
01:03
we have never done something like this
01:05
we’ve kind of changed up the way we do
01:07
my last days
01:08
there is no longer a surprise
01:11
element for a few different reasons
01:14
most importantly uh the magic of the
01:16
show
01:18
is you and we realized over the years
01:21
that there is no
01:22
experience or grand gesture or present
01:25
or gift or anything that can change the
01:27
circumstances that you all live with
01:28
every day
01:29
and so for us it’s far more impactful to
01:32
allow you guys to actually meet
01:34
and to watch your documentaries all
01:36
together
01:37
if you want to surprise me by bringing
01:39
dave back i i’m okay with that
01:41
i’m totally okay with all kinds of words
01:43
i wish i had that ability
01:44
i just have a question for you i don’t
01:46
mean to like jump on that but
01:48
you’ve not seen this at all right no so
01:50
do you feel like in a way you’re
01:52
watching
01:53
a part of him like you like you’ve never
01:55
seen before
01:56
last night i felt like i was gonna see
01:58
him today
02:00
yeah like actually yeah
02:02
[Music]
02:05
it’s very powerful oh
02:14
and something that you guys should all
02:15
know is this this guy
02:18
had watched all the episodes and when
02:20
his mom
02:21
got diagnosed he really wanted this for
02:23
his mother
02:24
so he reached out and wanted his mom to
02:27
have a chance to have a my last days
02:28
episode amazing josh
02:30
and um the reason she’s not here is
02:32
because she is in
02:33
transition as we speak and he decided to
02:35
come and be with us
02:37
and uh make his mom and everybody proud
02:41
so over the next three nights we’ll
02:43
watch all of our episodes okay
02:45
we’re gonna start with jessica your mom
02:48
and then you tres and then we’ll go to
02:51
chanel
02:52
and then shannon and we’ll finish with
02:53
dave’s episode and then after that
02:56
we’re all just gonna sit and we’re gonna
02:57
have a chat and we’re gonna talk and
02:58
we’re gonna go deep and talk about
03:00
whatever comes up
03:02
so you ready bud yeah all right let’s do
03:05
it
03:05
this is jessica
03:21
hey honey good morning
03:26
so listen i have a call for you okay
03:30
hey jessica hi
03:32
[Music]
03:33
i’m justin nice to meet you
03:37
i’ve heard all about you and how amazing
03:40
you are
03:41
and how incredible you are and how
03:43
you’ve overcome trial
03:44
after trial don’t cry
03:49
you continue to just every day live for
03:51
your children
03:53
for your
03:59
and i just wanted to family you and tell
04:00
you that i appreciate you thank you so
04:02
much
04:02
i’m in new orleans right now so i i
04:04
would come and be there myself if i
04:06
could but
04:07
i just wanted to give you a little
04:08
surprise if that’s okay
04:11
okay is that okay
04:16
jessica the most important thing i know
04:18
to you is making sure
04:19
that you’re creating memories and
04:21
leaving something behind
04:25
so i want to welcome you to your own
04:27
episode of my last days
04:30
[Music]
04:34
everyone is here for you
04:38
so that you can tell your story the way
04:39
that you want to tell it
04:43
for your family and for your children
04:45
and for the world okay
04:47
all right okay
04:50
this means um a lot um
04:54
i can’t wait for everybody to hear about
04:56
you and your story and meet your
04:57
beautiful family
04:58
oh i can’t wait either you have so much
05:00
to teach all of us
05:02
oh gosh
05:08
you got this you’re strong and this is
05:10
so surreal
05:11
i’m a phone call away i’m going to make
05:13
sure you have my number okay okay
05:15
please i don’t know you can i already
05:17
love you jessica i love you too
05:19
you don’t know it but i love you hello
05:23
oh gosh bye bye
05:33
[Music]
05:36
it’s raining
05:37
[Music]
05:41
hey everybody welcome to my home
05:48
[Music]
05:50
surprise oh i love you
05:59
i love you i love you my name is jessica
06:03
stancell iabussi
06:05
i’m 42 years old and eight months ago
06:09
i was given six months to live by my
06:11
doctor
06:12
but my story is not over yet i want
06:14
everyone to know
06:16
that choosing love is the key to
06:19
unlocking
06:20
everything
06:21
[Music]
06:27
my mom
06:29
[Music]
06:31
she is
06:34
you answer it josh i don’t know the
06:37
greatest lady you’ll ever meet and the
06:39
craziest lady you’ll ever meet at the
06:40
same time and this is one time she
06:41
called me jordan this is where i’m in
06:43
the middle of the street
06:44
there’s this dog he was he keeps getting
06:45
almost getting hit by these people i’m
06:47
gonna i’m gonna get him in the back of
06:48
my car he’s a little brown dog he looks
06:49
like like a like a small german shepherd
06:51
i was like
06:52
so i’m on my way over and i get there
06:54
and she’s just like
06:56
somebody told me to get away from the
06:57
coyote i told you it was a freaking
07:00
coyote
07:01
and i’m like what he would just look at
07:03
me
07:04
we have gotten into some stupid stuff
07:08
she is crazy but overall she’s caring
07:12
she shares her breakfast with me and she
07:15
gives me her breakfast sometimes
07:18
and she gives me her smoothie sometimes
07:21
and then daddy makes another smoothie
07:25
and then every day i ask
07:28
daddy yeah i’m making mommy a smoothie
07:32
right now
07:33
on sundays uh normally i’ll make
07:36
breakfast
07:37
one way or the other whether it’s
07:39
pancakes or
07:41
waffles or french toast
07:44
it’s you know it’s one of those things
07:45
that becomes a tradition
07:48
it just becomes a part of who you are
07:49
and i do everything around the house
07:51
just as much as my wife does
07:54
she’ll tell you i probably changed more
07:56
diapers than she’s ever changed
08:01
family means to me everything
08:05
that encompasses love it’s precious it’s
08:08
amazing it’s beautiful
08:09
it has its ups and downs and it has its
08:12
uh
08:13
moments of just happiness
08:17
pure happiness so i got your food might
08:19
not look good
08:21
[Music]
08:23
sunday breakfast i wish i would have had
08:26
a smidgen of what i have with our family
08:28
here
08:29
as a child my mom had
08:33
addiction issues she went in and out of
08:35
being homeless and
08:36
you know things like that so she would
08:38
take us in the back of
08:39
grocery stores and she called it
08:42
dumpster diving and made it into a game
08:45
you know and kind of told my brother and
08:46
i you know if you just dig a little bit
08:48
deeper there’s a box of snickers down
08:50
there
08:51
she came to me one day and said i can’t
08:53
take care of you
08:55
i’m not able to in total i was in three
08:57
foster homes
08:58
and my last foster home it was my last
09:01
year in high school and my foster mother
09:06
everyone calls her granny and um she
09:08
taught me how to do so many things
09:11
um and she loved me unconditionally
09:13
which i felt
09:14
and i felt love and i knew what it was
09:17
to be in a family
09:18
all of a sudden it was like aha i got it
09:21
so i had
09:22
that in me she just lit the fire
09:26
and kept fanning it you know life just
09:29
kind of started from there
09:31
so
09:34
um how did we get together so i was out
09:37
hanging out with some friends
09:38
at an old club in l.a she came walking
09:41
by with her friend
09:43
i i was like god you’re one of the most
09:45
beautiful women in here
09:47
listen 10 feet down they get better
09:49
looking and i said so just keep on
09:51
trucking
09:55
i thought it was a great comeback two
09:57
days later we ended up going to dinner
09:59
in
10:00
santa monica and we just sat and talked
10:03
and talked and talked
10:04
and we’re talking and the waitress are
10:07
you guys ready to order yet no no we’re
10:08
still good so we talked we sat there
10:10
they were sweeping around us at the end
10:12
and then we went and walked on the beach
10:14
and it was just i knew
10:18
him and i both we compared notes later
10:19
but we both knew
10:21
i know i was in trouble dad let’s put it
10:23
like that
10:24
we went on a couple more dates and then
10:27
finally i called him and i said hey i
10:28
need to talk to you
10:29
and she’s like well listen i’m i was
10:31
married before i have two kids
10:35
the best thing that ever came out of
10:37
course was jordan and sydney from that
10:38
relationship
10:40
i made this decision for them you know
10:43
to get out of that marriage
10:45
they will not meet you know
10:48
anyone unless that is the person that
10:50
i’m going to marry
10:52
and then looked at me and
10:53
[Music]
10:55
he held my hand and he said if this
11:00
is how god is going to put you in my
11:02
life and this is what comes with it he
11:04
said okay
11:09
you know i i can’t remember a day in
11:11
almost the last 17 years i haven’t
11:13
talked to
11:14
her we’ve been together pretty much ever
11:17
since
11:20
suddenly i had another family i had
11:22
these amazingly beautiful kids
11:24
looking up to me trusting me and trust
11:27
is a big thing
11:30
so far so bad it turned out good
11:36
oh we’ll cut now okay
11:39
it’s like get up and go to the bathroom
11:44
[Music]
12:01
[Music]
12:08
okay
12:11
people help her because she can’t really
12:14
get herself downstairs because she has
12:16
pain is he why is she a pain
12:25
i don’t know see
12:28
it’s fine okay yes
12:34
so i went to get my physical my yearly
12:37
physical in november
12:39
they were like there’s a lump i said
12:40
okay they said you know it started out
12:42
maybe
12:43
stage two stage three shouldn’t be that
12:46
big of a deal hopefully it doesn’t
12:47
spread
12:48
so they did a double mastectomy um and
12:52
when they did the double mastectomy is
12:53
when they found out that it had spread
12:55
to a lymph nodes
12:57
it’s in your bones it’s in your liver
12:59
it’s it’s spread
13:00
out of you know 28 lymph nodes i think
13:02
eight were cancerous
13:05
this is kind of the end game
13:11
[Music]
13:15
i know lou was sitting there and i
13:17
remember looking at him and i said
13:19
this is going to kill me you know the
13:21
day you
13:22
when you grow up and you meet a girl
13:25
it’s not in the manual that hey
13:27
she’s going to be 42 and fighting
13:29
terminal breast cancer and
13:31
this thing is just going get just cut it
13:34
off you know
13:35
the knees there’s it’s not in the manual
13:37
at all
13:42
the wheel’s on the bus goes
13:53
[Music]
14:01
do you know what is
14:04
killing mommy her pain
14:16
[Music]
14:20
it’s not just happening to her it’s a
14:23
piece of you
14:24
that’s dying so
14:31
they’re gonna be those kids
14:34
that don’t have a mom izzy being
14:37
four she understands that i’m gonna go
14:42
away
14:45
she’s like mommy i’ll look for you he
14:47
said i know
14:58
i have to find a way to deal with it in
15:00
the moment and i have to find a way to
15:02
help my kids deal with it
15:04
he’s putting up a pretty good you know
15:06
i’m good i’m fine
15:07
i’m okay he’s gonna be a single dad
15:11
overnight
15:13
i’m okay
15:15
[Music]
15:17
i don’t want to leave any of you guys
15:20
[Music]
15:23
i want you to remember me
15:26
[Music]
15:28
if ever you doubt life
15:32
i want you to talk to me because i’ll be
15:36
listening
15:39
okay
15:45
saying goodbye
15:53
but it’s a blessing because i’m able to
15:55
say goodbye
15:59
so that’s the gift
16:02
and you guys keep tabs on my kids please
16:05
if they get out of line just one no
16:08
two one okay we’re having one one
16:12
she grew up in foster care if she could
16:15
make every child’s
16:16
childhood as great and fulfilling as
16:20
it could ever be that’s that’s the world
16:22
she would create
16:24
helping them find a way to be the best
16:26
of themselves that’s how i’ve dealt with
16:28
it
16:29
listen we’ll find a way to deal with it
16:34
right
16:36
mom loves kids and she’s always wanted
16:39
this huge family
16:40
you know we’ve got five kids of our own
16:42
but we’ve got all these other kids that
16:44
are
16:44
partly housed to a great extent that’s
16:47
why our house is open on sundays
16:50
sunday dinners are really important it’s
16:53
really everyone getting together it
16:54
starts your week off right
16:56
it’s like oh you know someone bring them
16:58
over just no matter what
16:59
the only stipulation is that before we
17:02
eat
17:03
we gather in a circle and we go around
17:06
and everybody says what they’re thankful
17:08
for
17:09
it’s 15 years we’ve been doing it and
17:11
there’s just this
17:12
huge love exuding just like the level of
17:16
pain for her
17:17
gets worse every every day
17:19
[Music]
17:20
she doesn’t stay in bed she’s down she
17:23
comes downstairs
17:24
when it’s something dinner
17:30
watch me get this rug it pains me to see
17:33
her struggle because i never wanted to
17:34
be in
17:35
pain yeah but she doesn’t care
17:46
me
17:47
[Music]
17:50
sustain me
18:01
[Music]
18:13
oh god and make me
18:18
a shining light
18:24
[Music]
18:25
oh welcome
18:28
to sunday dinner everyone uh once again
18:33
for those of you who haven’t been to
18:34
sunday dinner before um we go around the
18:36
room and we say what we’re thankful for
18:38
so who wants to go first
18:44
i am thankful that jessica is here for
18:46
another sunday
18:48
and i am thankful that my son-in-law is
18:51
who and what he is
18:53
because i’m not worried about my
18:55
grandkids
18:57
i’m not to so many kids out there you
19:00
guys are the second parents
19:02
if it wasn’t for you guys we don’t know
19:03
where half of us would be we don’t know
19:05
the support system we would have
19:06
and yeah i don’t want to kind of worry
19:08
so i love you mama i love you too
19:10
i’m thankful for billy
19:13
i’m thankful for chemo i’m thankful for
19:16
everyone in this room
19:19
i’m thankful for um
19:25
all my children that are here
19:28
sound is rolling mom
19:34
i want you to know that
19:37
no matter what happens to you you always
19:40
stay with me and
19:42
every time i see a an animal on the
19:44
street i always you know pull over
19:46
there’s always
19:47
cat or dog food in the back of my car a
19:49
little bit of her goes with everybody
19:51
she’s been through so many adventures
19:53
with us
19:54
that those are like the main things i
19:56
feel like we’re gonna remember
19:58
and it’s all because of her
20:02
love is the great equalizer
20:05
it really is it’s the strongest thing in
20:08
the world
20:08
and i don’t care what you say and don’t
20:10
care who you are
20:12
it’ll get you through anything hey izzy
20:16
uh do you know what is heaven
20:21
it is beautiful and and it has
20:23
waterfalls
20:27
you can win with love every time
20:32
every time
20:33
[Music]
20:38
tell people you love them
20:41
don’t be scared to like tell people i
20:44
love you
20:44
[Music]
20:47
give people the benefit don’t judge them
20:50
they got 10 things wrong with them focus
20:52
on the one thing that’s right
21:03
this is a dream come true not to die of
21:07
cancer but
21:09
to die like this
21:17
[Music]
21:19
so um can you tell us
21:23
why you’re here in place of your mom and
21:25
what’s going on with her right now
21:27
well hospital is our house and
21:30
she’s not able to move at the moment
21:33
she’s
21:34
mostly asleep but when she’s awake try
21:36
to talk to her
21:37
as much as you can but after a while it
21:39
kind of gets confusing
21:41
for her to speak and like try to
21:45
compute like what we’re saying to her
21:48
so that’s why i’m here for her
21:51
just continue to tell her how much she
21:53
means to you
21:55
yeah it’s really important well you gave
21:58
your mom a big gift
22:01
because it was because of you you wanted
22:04
her to have this
22:06
this is real stuff like the fact that
22:08
we’re able to do this
22:10
and have real feelings and emotions and
22:12
like having something like this for
22:14
people to watch it may
22:16
help them i mean understanding how they
22:18
can handle
22:19
living every day with an illness or a
22:22
loved one who has an illness
22:25
well i don’t think there’s a better
22:26
transition to your episode
22:30
all right guys here is travis
22:45
this is dying
22:48
it’s a realization of oh i’ve been here
22:52
before
22:54
and we all return back to that place
22:56
whatever you want to call it whether
22:58
it’s heaven or the universe
23:00
or matter and energy
23:03
you could have an army trying to hold me
23:06
down
23:07
and it wouldn’t have mattered i would
23:08
have gone and continued on
23:10
which would have been death i had to
23:13
find
23:14
reasons to keep wanting to fight to be
23:17
with my family and see my brother have
23:19
his first child
23:20
to be in love again to be happy and to
23:23
live a happy life
23:26
grab it try to stay with me you’re ready
23:30
he’s breathing
23:35
[Music]
23:41
my name is travis flores and i was born
23:43
with cystic fibrosis
23:45
i’ve had two double lung transplants in
23:47
the last three years
23:48
and what i want everyone to know is that
23:50
they should embrace their scars
23:52
because sometimes the best medicine in
23:54
life is to live your truth
23:57
[Music]
24:03
hey mom i’m here hi
24:08
how are you oh my god do you remember
24:09
this one i drove a whole car full of
24:11
your crazy friends up to the hospital on
24:13
their engagement photo yeah justin and
24:15
chelsea
24:16
they’re such a perfect couple they’re
24:17
right there and now i’m gonna be an
24:19
uncle
24:19
when i first saw him he looked confused
24:24
and then once he started crying and they
24:26
felt comfortable then they gave him to
24:27
me
24:28
um and i was able to hold him for about
24:30
five minutes and it was just
24:33
there’s there’s just nothing like it
24:36
three and a half four months old yeah i
24:38
found out that
24:39
he had a genetically inherited disease
24:44
i don’t know how you’ve done it for all
24:45
these years terry i i will never
24:47
forget when you first had travis and
24:49
they almost arrested you
24:51
yeah over malnutrition because he was so
24:54
skinny
24:55
i’ve got social workers come into the
24:56
apartment
24:58
wanting to investigate me and then that
25:01
next day they call and say oh by the way
25:04
over the phone your son has cystic
25:06
fibrosis you need to go see the
25:07
pediatrician right away
25:09
everyone says that you can walk outside
25:11
get hit by a bus right
25:13
like anything could happen but for me it
25:16
was on paper
25:17
you could open up a book in a dictionary
25:20
and read cystic fibrosis a
25:21
terminal disease
25:25
cystic fibrosis is a genetically
25:27
inherited disease
25:28
and it creates a sticky mucus that
25:30
blocks up the lungs
25:32
and before long the stickiness of the
25:34
mucus in your lungs
25:36
starts to form and harden and
25:39
you end up needing a double lung
25:40
transplant and most children
25:43
don’t make it to five years old
25:45
[Music]
25:47
we had three children that needed us and
25:50
one that was special needs so
25:52
we agreed that we all were gonna battle
25:54
and we were gonna fight this
25:56
he was probably one of the toughest kids
25:58
i knew being at the hospital from a
25:59
young age with him it made me more aware
26:02
and it made me appreciate the time i had
26:04
with him he’s always kind of had this
26:06
roller coaster of health you know we
26:08
really had to enjoy
26:09
the time we had because we didn’t know
26:10
how much time we had with him
26:12
so i was eight years old i was being
26:14
hospitalized for the first time and
26:16
meeting patients that had
26:20
different conditions things that could
26:22
potentially take their lives within
26:24
months
26:25
and and i and i understood that
26:28
this could be what my future is
26:31
then he was writing poetry as we were
26:34
driving back and forth
26:35
from cincinnati it’s a four-hour drive
26:37
to the hospital he had all this time and
26:39
he started just writing
26:41
so my solution was to somehow take
26:44
something i was terrified of
26:46
what scares me the most that i could
26:48
turn into a positive because it’s what
26:49
my mom’s always telling me to do
26:51
and i went oh a spider one hot summer
26:55
day there lived a spider named sparky
26:58
sparky wasn’t an ordinary spider he did
27:00
not know how to spin a web
27:03
what’s the matter honey ask sparky’s
27:05
mother curiously
27:06
well you see i can’t spin a web and this
27:09
is the joke that he wrote
27:11
at the hospital stir fly
27:14
instead of stir fry and he just thought
27:17
that was the funniest thing at
27:18
seven years old you know it became this
27:23
almost game to me to achieve
27:26
more than most people do in their entire
27:28
life in the lifetime that i was given
27:30
go all the way don’t stop and whatever
27:33
you do
27:34
never ever give up on what you want to
27:37
do or on your dreams
27:40
so when i wanted to go on a three-year
27:42
book tour
27:44
they managed to make that happen and
27:46
we’d arranged to have him
27:48
motivational speak at the schools
27:50
everybody loved it
27:52
he let me come along with him on every
27:54
book tour
27:55
and be his security guard then
27:58
before i knew it it was really affecting
28:02
people
28:02
on a worldwide basis
28:05
[Music]
28:07
i was given a prognosis of a certain age
28:09
this is how long you have
28:11
this is the cap no no no
28:14
don’t no i don’t want to hear that i
28:17
plan to be the longest living cystic
28:19
fibrosis patient
28:20
imagine waking up
28:24
and you take a breath
28:27
but that breath doesn’t feel
28:30
like a full breath so you take another
28:32
breath and all of a sudden you’re like
28:34
breathing what feels like water
28:36
so you cough naturally to get that out
28:38
and when you cough it’s blood
28:42
that was the defining moment of cystic
28:45
fibrosis
28:46
and the only way out of that was
28:51
to be transplanted
28:58
yeah i hid this for myself until today i
29:01
went
29:01
and i dug through tons of boxes for you
29:04
guys
29:05
to find this and i’m glad i did
29:10
after my first transplant i really
29:12
wanted to acknowledge my donor somehow
29:16
and um i haven’t worn it since because
29:19
my um first transplant
29:22
um it didn’t work and
29:26
now if they were to reach out to me um
29:28
to meet me
29:29
i i would have to tell them that i don’t
29:31
have
29:33
their loved one’s gift anymore
29:36
[Music]
29:39
you know the first set of lungs went
29:41
into rejection
29:45
it really impressed upon me that with
29:47
travis i can’t control if he lives or
29:49
dies
29:53
most of the time he has such a positive
29:55
outlook
29:56
on life and you know travis is still
29:59
fighting for his life
30:01
and having that idea
30:05
that it may never change was a hard
30:08
thing to face
30:14
you know people talk about men having
30:16
strength and
30:17
and all of you know it’s crap
30:22
masculinity doesn’t come from the the
30:24
muscle in your body
30:26
it comes from the heart it comes from
30:29
the mind
30:31
it comes from the soul like you have to
30:33
have the courage to look at these things
30:35
and look at the chest tube that they’re
30:37
about to put into you
30:38
and you have to take it and you have to
30:40
embrace it you have to go with it
30:42
and then you have to put that mask on
30:44
and lay on that table
30:46
and when they’re saying they’re about to
30:48
put the anesthesia in for you to go into
30:49
your
30:50
transplant you have to be able to say
30:52
okay
30:53
here we go i’m gonna wake up i’m gonna
30:56
wake up
30:57
it’s gonna be okay i’m gonna wake up
30:59
that’s strength that’s masculinity
31:01
that’s power and it takes a hell of a
31:05
lot more courage to do that
31:06
than it does to lift a weight i can tell
31:10
you that
31:13
trouble connecting i’ll keep trying
31:19
i’m not having problems connecting
31:22
flex is weird
31:27
you know i went home in july of 2017.
31:35
and now my pulmonary function is at like
31:38
14
31:39
it’s like suffocating it was getting to
31:42
a point where
31:43
he may have to be chronically
31:45
hospitalized again until his next
31:47
transplant
31:48
and then september 1st it was
31:51
hospitalized
31:52
because my lungs had collapsed he was
31:54
losing lung function he was on oxygen
31:56
and
31:57
kind of went into this paralysis of
32:00
not having any strength to move not
32:03
wanting to move
32:06
my aunt gets me on facetime the nurses
32:09
were asking for my permission to
32:11
intubate him
32:12
because i was in this medical power of
32:14
attorney
32:24
i remember one of the last things i said
32:26
before
32:28
everything happened i said mom i’m dying
32:34
and then i went into like this comatose
32:35
state
32:37
[Music]
32:39
i felt this pull i saw
32:42
all the people that i loved in my life
32:45
my brothers
32:46
having children i saw my parents
32:49
becoming grandparents
32:51
and i was angry
32:55
but then i pulled again it was higher
32:59
that time
33:00
and all those feelings didn’t exist
33:04
and then i pulled again and all of a
33:06
sudden
33:07
time doesn’t exist it’s irrelevant
33:09
places don’t exist you’re everywhere all
33:12
at once
33:13
i realized that i was going to see my
33:16
family again
33:20
i came back to my physical self and i
33:22
became conscious again
33:24
and i started fighting again and i and i
33:26
had to
33:28
literally tell my mom to hold my body
33:31
down
33:31
and i was clenching the sheets because i
33:33
was afraid that i was going to be pulled
33:35
up again
33:36
we immediately transferred him to icu he
33:38
was stable enough to move
33:40
12 hours later the doctor calls and says
33:43
we have a set of lungs
33:47
the person that uh
33:51
my lungs came from was a middle-aged man
33:56
when someone is passing away and they’re
33:58
not an organ donor
34:00
they still come to you if the organs are
34:02
healthy and they’ll still ask you if
34:04
you as a family would like to make this
34:07
gift
34:08
and from what i understand that’s what
34:10
happened it was the family’s decision
34:17
this is why i’m here to do this and to
34:21
share this story with people
34:23
and i believe that’s why i kept fighting
34:25
there was a reason
34:34
i know we talked about it a little bit
34:37
when he was going in for his last
34:39
transplant how are you prepping
34:44
for the day
34:48
i can’t even i’ve been prepping
34:51
i’ve been prepping since he was
34:53
diagnosed
34:54
when he passes away i’m going to miss
34:57
him tremendously
35:00
but i also know he doesn’t have to
35:03
battle anymore
35:04
he doesn’t have to constantly be okay
35:05
you’re talking you’re talking about him
35:08
i’m talking about you
35:11
i can’t even say how are you gonna feel
35:14
losing the sun
35:16
i’m not gonna even go there till i have
35:18
to
35:25
no matter what you do it’s not curable
35:29
and it was hard at first to get into the
35:31
mode of i’m healthy
35:33
i got to embrace that and i have to live
35:35
but what happened is
35:37
when when you’ve been through what i’ve
35:38
been through there’s a gift
35:40
that comes with being in love and being
35:43
with someone
35:44
you realize that body and gender and
35:47
race it doesn’t matter because despite
35:50
everything that i have been through and
35:51
all my scars and all my
35:53
bandages and wounds and baggage if they
35:56
can look at me and say
35:58
i love you i love you and i want to be
36:00
with you
36:02
who the hell am i to say sorry you’re
36:05
a man or a girl or it just doesn’t make
36:08
sense to me
36:09
so i just opened myself up to love just
36:12
love is love
36:13
you know i just i allowed myself to be
36:16
free
36:18
you know i i’m dating a guy now so
36:23
by the way i’m like sweating from saying
36:25
that
36:26
yeah that was the first time i’ve ever
36:30
said on camera that i’m gay
36:32
so that was very that was a big moment
36:36
i don’t know terry you want to get the
36:37
juice out yes
36:41
for me the most unfair part about this
36:44
whole situation
36:45
is um falling in love again
36:49
i’m in love and i don’t want it to end
36:51
and i don’t want him to be heartbroken
36:53
i want to have kids and i want to have a
36:54
future and a career and share these
36:56
things with someone
36:57
and there’s this thing in my future that
37:01
might prevent it all
37:03
and that freaking sucks i don’t want to
37:06
have that’s your answer how do i deal
37:08
with it
37:09
it sucks i mean maybe yeah maybe that is
37:12
what it is
37:13
and i guess you have to i mean i i
37:14
shouldn’t be giggling but
37:16
you have to just you have to giggle in
37:18
the future god forbid
37:21
i’m not here this is what i want to
37:23
remember it sucks
37:25
my tombstone will read that let’s go
37:27
sydney
37:28
sometimes when i think about our family
37:33
i’m like we have the worst luck but we
37:35
have the best luck we have the worst
37:36
luck because we
37:37
go through terrible things but we get
37:39
through them because we have each other
37:40
yeah it’s like we have the best luck
37:42
because we have the best family
37:44
yeah you know we had we had a really
37:46
rough upbringing with
37:47
ten brothers and sisters do you know how
37:49
much grandpa made
37:51
30 000 at his height can you imagine
37:54
i didn’t even realize that was what it
37:56
was
37:57
yeah because i felt like we always had
38:01
what we needed because we had each other
38:04
and that’s called debt um
38:08
i wanted to go visit grandpa and
38:09
grandma’s grave because i know you
38:11
haven’t done that in a long time
38:13
she hasn’t been in a long time i’ve been
38:15
in years i know
38:16
but as a family i i really want to go
38:19
and
38:20
be together
38:23
i didn’t really get the chance to know
38:25
grandpa
38:27
he loved his grandkids he loved his
38:30
family
38:31
don’t mind me while i put my smiley
38:33
faces on the grave
38:35
yeah what’s that all about every time
38:37
he’d send a letter or
38:38
birthday cards or anything to us he’d
38:40
put the little smiley face stickers on
38:44
him
38:56
i see you know the dates
39:00
like 1927 to 1997 and 1930 to 2005
39:05
and it’s like that’s a lot of time
39:09
but it’s not it does bring that reality
39:14
we’re all going to be in this position
39:23
whatever the dates are between the
39:25
little hash thingy there
39:27
for me it doesn’t matter anymore because
39:29
i just feel so grateful for what i have
39:32
achieved and what
39:33
i’ll continue to do
39:36
[Music]
39:37
and it’s because of people like you in
39:40
my life
39:43
i have kind of reached a point of
39:48
comfort i wouldn’t say acceptance
39:51
but comfort i don’t want you here
39:54
before i get here no okay i don’t want
39:58
to come visit your grave
39:59
no well i’m being cremated so you
40:02
wouldn’t have to
40:05
i know what you used i know it’s like
40:08
forever in our hearts is like the
40:09
perfect thing
40:15
[Music]
40:16
i don’t feel that i’ve put on a mask for
40:18
people at this point
40:21
i want people to know that i’m happy i
40:24
want people to know that
40:26
when you want something bad enough
40:28
strength
40:29
hope love you’ll find it
40:34
i put it out into the universe and
40:37
it came back to me
40:45
that was so emotional for me to watch
40:47
because
40:49
you know on camera when we were doing
40:51
this i didn’t know the stoner’s name
40:53
and now when i see myself talking about
40:56
my organ donor
40:57
his name is aldo i know who he is and i
41:01
know his family and i’ve spent time with
41:03
him and
41:04
his kids and it was a really incredible
41:07
gift that his family gave to me
41:09
well i think something you guys all have
41:10
in common is is this ability to take
41:13
tragedy and turn it into something
41:16
beautiful and you’re
41:17
all doing that in your own ways and
41:19
speaking of like kind of a
41:20
new lease on life which is what your
41:22
lungs have given you
41:24
you my dear i just felt with a lot of
41:26
that i was really emotional over here
41:28
like just
41:29
the parents and like dying and just
41:32
having that second chance i just want to
41:34
live it
41:34
yeah i do the most i just make the most
41:36
of whatever time
41:38
i have and it’s like it was really cool
41:40
to watch somebody else go through that
41:42
well now you’re going to get to watch
41:44
her go through more crying because
41:46
we’re going to take a little break and
41:47
then tomorrow night we’re gonna watch
41:49
janelle’s episode
41:51
and then shannon’s and then we’re gonna
41:54
conclude
41:55
with dave’s so thank you guys so much
41:58
for being here let’s take a little break
42:42
you
—
This post was previously published on YouTube.
***
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