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When you and your partner first got engaged, you probably never imagined that one day one of you would be packing up your things and calling for a ‘break’ in the relationship.
Separating from your spouse is hard. It may be that you still love one another, but complications are currently making it hard for you to put your relationship back together. Even if you’ve been unhappy together for a long time, you have still been in a routine with the same person for many years, which can be hard to let go of.
Once the shock of your separation wears off and you’ve settled into a “new normal”, you may be wondering when it would be appropriate to start dating again. We’re here to say that if you’re thinking about dating while your partner is still waiting in limbo, please think twice.
Even if you’re not planning on getting back together with your partner, now is not the time to jump into a new relationship or start dating. Here are 7 reasons why you should say ‘no’ to dating during a separation.
1. It Unnecessarily Confuses Emotions
During a separation, you’re already in the midst of figuring out how you feel about your partner. Bringing another person into the mix will only further complicate your emotions.
Because dating someone new is exciting, it can make your new romantic entanglement feel more fulfilling than your previous relationship. But this is not always accurate. It is simply the novelty of being in those butterfly-inducing beginning stages of dating that makes it feel special.
The truth is, you could be bored with this new person within just a few months and wish you had given the proper time and attention to your separation.
Avoid complicating things during your separation by remaining single until you’ve figured out what you want to do with your current relationship.
2. It’s Painful for Children
It is difficult for children when their parents separate. It has been proven to cause behavioral problems, academic difficulties, and poor social relations.
Bringing a new romantic partner into your life while your children are still trying to adjust to the separation can be hurtful.
Research proves that children function better when their parents are putting the time and effort into taking care of their marriage – even during a separation. Instead of confusing your kids by bringing someone new into their lives, focus on the relationship you have with their parent first.
3. What Were the Terms of Your Separation?
It’s important to establish ground rules for you and your spouse to live by after you separate.
Will you be allowed to see other people? As stated above, this is a very bad idea. You do not strengthen your potential reconciliation by bringing another person into it. It is essential that you and your spouse are clear and agree on issues regarding dating and sex during your separation.
Have an end date in mind. This way, both of you know that you have X-number of months to figure things out. At the end of this timeline, come back together and decide whether or not you want to give the relationship a second chance.
It is also beneficial to discuss your marital finances as well as how you will divide time with your children (if you have any) while you are separated.
4. You Don’t Need Someone Else’s Baggage
If you just separated from your spouse, odds are your relationship wasn’t in the best place. Perhaps there was infidelity, mistrust, or another form of betrayal. Maybe your in-laws were too involved in your marriage or you just stopped connecting on a sexual level.
Whatever the case, now is not the time to bring someone else’s problems into your already complicated love life.
5. Rebounding is Hurtful
To rebound means to return to a former condition. You’ve gone from being in a relationship to immediately jump into another one.
Another fantastic description of a rebound is to “move roughly in the opposite direction after impact.” This aptly describes relationship rebounding. There is usually nothing soft or subtle about them. You are simply using someone else’s company to make you feel less alone after a breakup.
Forget about complicating your own emotions – what about the person you are rebounding with? They may not be aware that you are already in relationship-limbo with someone else. If they begin to fall for you and you decide to go back to your former partner, you will have needlessly hurt your new partner.
6. You Owe Your Partner an Answer
Studies show that couples are happier and experience less stress when they are spending time together. Perhaps this was not the case when you were in your relationship, but it could be that time away from each other is exactly what you needed in order to get some perspective about giving the relationship another chance.
Whether distance has made your hearts grow fonder or your separation has encouraged you to leave your relationship for good, you owe your partner closure about where your relationship is going before bringing someone else into your life.
7. Get to Know Yourself Again
There is a fantastic quote by Evan Sutter that goes, “If you can’t be happy and content by yourself then you shouldn’t be in a relationship.”
Instead of focusing on love and relationships, focus on yourself. So much of who we are gets wrapped up in our romantic affairs. You may even feel like you’ve completely lost your identity once you are single.
Don’t date someone else after going on a break – date yourself. Return to the hobbies, friends, and activities that used to make you feel happy and fulfilled.
Not only will this boost your confidence and happiness, but it will also restore your sense of self.
Instead of welcoming someone else’s baggage into your life, focus on what really matters – your happiness. Once you are at peace with yourself and have restored your mental health, then you can focus on what the next step will be in your love life.
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