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RSVP for #StopSexism Weekly Calls
Kara Post-Kennedy, Leader of our Monday night #StopSexism Social Interest group ConvoCast, asked the question:
“I feel like we need to talk about Larry Nassar…what angle, though? You would think the abuse of children (at least!) would not be polarizing, but this reveals that it is. Is there no ’empirically wrong’ anymore?”
Lisa Hickey:
Here’s why I see it as being so difficult to get abusers out of power—why abuse goes on for years.
1.) Silence: Fear of even more abuse causes victims to stay silent.
2.) Complicity: For whatever reason, certain people around the abuser allow it to keep happening.
3.) Minimization: Even those who aren’t explicitly complicit often minimize what is going on because it is difficult to deal with.
4.) Pushback and further abuse of the people who do come forward.
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Gretchen Kelly, on complicity:
“I hope there is an investigation into those in the organization who could have stopped this long before he hurt so many girls. We need to start prosecuting bystanders who are in positions of power. This is the Catholic priest abuse scandal, the Jerry Sandusky scandal. All of these organizations put power and public relations and money ahead of protecting children. And the sad fact is people continue to support and hold up organizations that allowed and enabled abuse of children. The blind loyalty is something I will never be able to understand.”
***
Arianna Jeret, on why the silence:
“Intimidating women is not the equivalent of proving them to be liars.”
Abuse comes with the threat of more abuse if the woman speaks. And women who are sexually assaulted have, for years, been put between a rock and a hard place—either they are seen as liars, or they are subject to more abuse if they tell the truth. Silence is safer.
***
Emily LaDouceur, on minimization:
“Many times, in an act of survival, we (women) minimize the abuse we endure. We convince ourselves that it’s ‘not that bad’ as a sort of coping mechanism. How much more compounded would this be for a child who is still navigating life and hormones and nowhere near having found their voice?
As we minimize our own stories of pain, we inadvertently minimize the pain of others’ as well. I think this encourages a certain type of enabler…the enabler who means well, but has likely experienced abuse themselves, minimized it, and now is saying to a victim that it’s ‘not that bad’. That, or they are uncomfortable or feel helpless in aiding the victim with the abuse, so they minimize it. It becomes a cycle that allows abuse to continue.”
Lisa Hickey, on why it is hard for men to even see they are minimizing:
The whole “man up” trope also works to minimize *women’s* abuse. Because men are told over and over again…”don’t cry”, “it’s not that bad”, “just get over it”, “be a man”, “don’t be a sissy.” In other words..they hear words that minimize abuse ALL.THE.TIME.
Join us tonight to talk LIVE about why it is so hard to get abusers out of power. Click the image below to join the call:
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And the raped men aren’t recognised again. I guess unless they’re useful to the narrative, they’re disposable as fodder.