On May Day or any other day, Dan Coxon reminds us that parenting isn’t an alternative to work: it is work.
But then along comes Mr. Mom. In its pairing of maleness and femaleness it suggests that we’re becoming lesser men by choosing an active parenting role, that we’re feminized by our decision to stay home and care for our children. Real men go out to work, women stay home. It’s a mindset that cannot conceive of a father being a capable full-time parent—therefore, to stay at home, we must be making ourselves more like women, we must be laying aside our tools and remaking ourselves in Mrs. Doubtfire’s image.
As typical gender roles change and more and more women achieve success in the workplace, many of us dads actively decide to be the primary caregiver to our kids.
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Of course, when most people use the phrase they don’t realize that they’re enforcing gender stereotypes, consigning both men and women to traditional roles that rightly belong in the Fifties. Most likely they feel uncomfortable and uncertain about the changes society is undergoing, and the joke is simply an attempt to navigate the new order of things. Or maybe they just really love Michael Keaton movies. But that doesn’t keep me from cringing every time I hear it, or wishing that there was another – truer, smarter – nickname for the growing ranks of stay-at-home fathers. Something that allows for a masculine caregiver, that accepts and respects the work that every parent does for their children, that recognizes both our equality and our differences. Something like ‘Dad’.
For more on the death of Mr. Mom:
Mr. Mom is Dead, Reports the Wall Street Journal
Dads Fight Back Against Gender Misrepresentation
—photo from The Film Reel