Before entering the real world of parenting, I had this grand idea of being the working mom. Be part of a power couple that could bring in the big bucks while raising a child. Do it all. Simple! Easy! Boom!
Of course, the reality is always a bitch. Daycare cost and general moral dilemmas about never seeing your child because we’re working so much. And, let’s remember those messed up stories of childcare workers using Benadryl on babies who don’t sleep! Our baby didn’t like sleeping… who knows what could have happened if I had chosen to stick with my working mom plan!
As I struggled internally with personal career goals and financial contributions, I gave in to the idea of being a full-time mom. Not working went against everything I had learned in life.
What I was taught
Growing up, most of us are fed this idea that after high school is college. You must attend college to get anywhere in your life. You’re not the next Bill Gates, so you can’t amount to anything without a college degree. Then, after college is your career. Simple. Easy. Boom!
We’re scheduled counselor meetings to pick out our college and fill out applications to each college. Then, we wait for our acceptance letters. If a University isn’t your first stop, community college is the place to be! Simple as that. Easy. Boom!
From college, you take your degree and wave into the face of all the corporations within your major. Someone will definitely hire you. There are so many companies with help-wanted ads who want you with your shiny new degree. Simple. Easy. Boom!
Now that you have your job, sign up for 401K to have retirement money, companies will give health insurance to you with your shiny new job, and you’re set for life! Simple! Easy! Boom!
Where it got me
I graduated with my degree. I called and applied and was rejected because I had no experience within my major. The four years of college doesn’t count as “experience” anymore. They want someone who has handled real problems. They can’t teach you. The training should come from somewhere else.
What experience did I have? A barista and supervisor at one of the biggest coffee corporations in the world. I could make 6 drinks in less than 3 minutes! Boom!
I applied to other jobs thinking it might be good not to consider Starbucks as my end game. I received compliments from my managers constantly and encouragement to climb the Siren’s corporate ladder. Become a manager. Heck, maybe even move to Seattle for the big league office jobs. Simple! Boom!
As I discovered, management is a miserable place to be; and I didn’t even make it into a management position. I was stuck in between a shift supervisor and assistant store manager (without the title). I jumped through hoops while they promoted others before my eyes. Their shift would crash and burn as I tried to keep the ship afloat. But they got promoted! They made the cut!
So, I left after 10 years.
Why I needed Change
I had found a job I loved.
There were many reasons I left Starbucks, the main reason being I didn’t feel valued. I worked my ass off every time I clocked in. I put in the work, helped others work better, taught new hires the ropes, did everything they asked. It was never enough.
I applied for a position as an administrative sales assistant. I didn’t care if it was at a random flooring company; I would have an office job. My favorite show is The Office. Perfect! Boom!
I got the job. This flooring company wanted people with no experience to be groomed and taught their ways. In their experience, workers with experience try to use their experience, and it doesn’t work for their customer experience.
Lucky for me, I had no office experience!
I was damned good at my job. I got raises every other month. The company relied on me heavily. I loved it.
Then life happened. I got pregnant, and I knew I couldn’t stay working at a company that needed me to work 45 hours a week or more.
Where I am now
For a while, I struggled with not working. Between the diaper changes, the cooking, and the cleaning, I never really thought about work. It was the grocery shopping, and Target runs that started gnawing at me. A little voice saying, “this isn’t your money you’re spending!”
I tried working at Starbucks again, but — again — it didn’t work out. The hours were too much, and I was exhausted. The money wasn’t great either since I was trying to keep my eligibility for health coverage at 20 hours a week. My manager kept demanding more hours from me.
I quit — Boom!
I applied for Quest health insurance — not being married gave me a leg up as I wasn’t making any money. Then, I applied at a restaurant to work super-part-time at less than 20 hours a week (so I could still qualify for free health insurance).
I felt miserable going to work. Then, Covid happened, and customers tested my patience, as I have never experienced in my entire life.
For people who had nowhere to be, they sure were impatient!
So, I quit that job to be a full-time, bonafide, stay-at-home-mom! Boom!
Where I hope to be
Being nothing but a stay-at-home mom scares the shit out of me. Not because I don’t want to be around my daughter all the time. Not at all. Or be the main cook and in-house maid. I can do that too.
What scares the shit out of me is not contributing any money. Trying to “earn my keep” as a housewife.
I was taught early on — or maybe picked up an idea somehow — that making your own money in a relationship is important. And, what do I do all day?
I had been working part-time and doing the full-time mom gig for the better part of 3 years now, that I can get all the chores done in 3 hours or less.
The idea came to me that I needed to dive headfirst into my writing. I needed to make it work. And, guess what! I have nothing but time now! Six hours a day, to be exact! Boom!
It may not be novels or published short stories (yet), but I’m working on the fundamentals. Creating a portfolio (of sorts). Building up to the big leagues (maybe). Getting experience. Simple. Easy. Baby-steps.
In reality, I have no idea what I’m doing. But I’m going to be damned good at it! Boom!
…
Ultimately, I’m extremely fortunate that I am given this opportunity in life right now. I was able to recognize it and seized it! If I can make this work, this writing thing — whatever it turns out to be — we will have a lot of freedom as a family.
I can see the silver lining from the pandemic. People are now seeing opportunities they would have never considered as their heads were stuck in corporate cubicles. Now, we were given a gift of time to find new horizons to explore.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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