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For years while my son took a bath, I painted my toenails.
I would soak my feet while he splashed in the tub. We shared bath time together. A mom’s pedicure, as I started to call them.
Sometimes I would paint his big toe when he would ask in the shade of blue or green that was in my color supply.
It was a year ago when he was 8 years old that he said to me, “Can you paint my toes too?”
I paused.
In a matter of seconds a thousand thoughts went through my head around the whys or why nots.
“Sure.”, I said. “Pick out your color.”
____
As we sat on the bathroom floor I was nervous for him. We live in Florida, in the land of flip flops and bare feet.
Would the other boys make fun of him?
How would adults react to him?
What would people think of us as parents?
And then I stopped and realized something- we had been teaching him all along to embrace who he was regardless of what people think of him and he was doing just that- embracing who he was and what interested him.
We work hard to own names before they’re projected on us.
Nerd.
Weird.
“Different is good” we say in this home.
Hell, his Mom rocks pink hair and yet here I was hesitating at painted toenails based on my fears, not his.
____
So we started to prepare him and arm him with responses that he could use should anyone make fun of his toes or ask him why.
I stressed to him that as long as he wasn’t causing harm to anyone he was free to do whatever he would like.
“If someone says to you, ‘Only girls paint their toes.’ what will you respond with?” his Dad and I asked.
“It’s not a girl or a boy thing. I do it because I want to,” he replied.
“If someone says that you’re weird or different because you paint your toes, what will you respond with?” we asked.
“That’s your opinion, not mine.” he replied. “And anyways, we’re all different. No one is alike”, he went on to add.
As our adventure began last summer, the questions did come.
Adults looked, tried to act as though they weren’t staring but I could see the look on their faces.
And the kids, well, just as kids do, they came right out and bluntly questioned it.
I would listen when I was nearby and with each response the confidence in his voice rose.
He was assured.
He was confident.
He was respectful yet firm.
He was everything that I wasn’t at times.
____
Fast forward to a year later and he’s now painting them himself, alternating colors on each toe and has partaken in his first spa pedicure with me before a vacation. They had him at ‘massage chair’.
Where last summer the questions came fast and furious, I was now observing a shift. His friends and cousins were no longer thinking twice about them and when people asked them the question, their responses now mirrored that of Logan’s.
The confidence was becoming contagious.
And then the day came for meet the teacher at his new school. The entire change had us all a little nervous.
“I’m going to wear my flip flops to meet my teacher,” he said.
There it was, the nervousness in my heart and head within moments of his shoe selection.
Off we went with his button down collared ‘fancy’ shirt, athletic shorts and his trusty flip flops showing off his green and orange toes with pride.
As she walked towards us, smiling, she shook my hand then Logan’s and promptly said, “I LOVE your toes, Logan!”
Tears springing to my eyes.
____
Logan has taught me many things in his 9 years of life, yet it has been in the midst of this painted toes adventure that I have borne witness to my own worries about what others think bubbling up more often than I realized.
Recently I saw a quote that said:
In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.
That is what I wish for all of us, but especially for my son.
If a young boy painting his toes is one of his first rebellious acts, may the rest of his life be paved with more of that in order for him to love who he is to his core.
May we all be able to figure out what our ‘painted toes’ moment in so that we can bask in the rebellious act of truly loving ourselves each and every day of our lives.
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Photo: iStock
Originally published: Sassy Inspiration.com
This time, this phenom is something that I find vastly interesting, fascinating actually, especially the ebb and flow. We all live in boxes, not just men and boys. Women are in more of a bubble, because it is invisible to the naked eye, but that is where they seek to be so who is to complain, who is to try to change them? For men? It’s just a sign of the times to question while ignoring the same thing for women. Imagine if you will, a daughter going for her first job interview wearing a man style three piece suite… Read more »
We all spend way too much of the preciously short time on this planet worrying about what others think. As if we should be living their life instead of ours. How arrogant is that when it comes down to it? Especially when it entails keeping our own uniqueness hidden. Every single one of us brings something unique and different to this existence, and that’s what adds, not detracts, from the entire experience. Good for him that he’s figured this out so early. It will serve him well. Good for you that his beingness allowed you to really question yourself! BTW.… Read more »
Thank you so much, Mark. I couldn’t agree with you more about each of us being unique. The more we celebrate it, the better of the entire world is.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Best,
Heather
You’re very welcome Heather. One point you made to Logan, is a statement I’ve been saying for many years: “Do, anything you like, as long as you don’t harm yourself or anyone else in the process. And respect everyone else for doing what they want in that same vein as well” That truly ingrained belief has served me very well over the years. Best regards.
Excellent point and written so accessibly, thank you! — also, I searched that quote and i think I found the author: https://twitter.com/dirt_worship/status/600028189113581569
Thanks, Michael, for sharing that. I have seen the quote float around is many places and that was one of them!
I appreciate you taking the time to read the post, and comment.
All the best,
Heather
Hi Heather. Great article, thanks for sharing it with us. In the article, the quote that you wish for all of us doesn’t appear. Could you share it with us please? Thanks
Hi Justin! I appreciate the kind words.
I could never find the original person but have seen the quote various times around social media.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Heather
Wow, you guys have awesome strength. I’m slowly teaching my boys the same…
The more we can teach these lessons as parents, the better off our kids will be. Thanks for reading and commenting, Gregory.
All the best,
Heather
Great post!!
Thanks, Stephanie!
Embracing our desires
Always and forever, Marci!
What a powerful story of embracing our own desires and empowering others to know it’s okay to be different.
Love you, Heather!
Love you too, Bond. Thanks for always cheering me on and for being my friend.
Xoxo