Gentlemen in Training
The Case for Manners for Today’s Young Men – Part 7
At a recent business lunch, I was going on about how I want my sons to have respect for me. My customer, who is a mother of two young adults agreed, but quickly reminded me that parents must have respect for their children. It was such a simple and true statement, but it didn’t register with me at the time. It was only when I was truly monitoring my actions and words with my sons—how I was treating them instead of how they were treating me—that I began to understand what respect means.
For fathers who play the traditional role of breadwinner, or out-of-the-home worker, fully grasping this concept might be a tough leap. We work, we come home, and we believe respect should automatically be given to us. We must remember the world of men is different from the world of children. In our business and work lives, we have to earn respect. We have to do “good work” to get credit and pats on the back.
Yet, what we do and how we do it in our professional lives does not necessarily transfer over to our family lives. We only get adulation at home—from our wives and children—if we are fully engaged and reciprocating. If we are giving our all with compassion and an open mind, then we are truly respecting our loved ones. Only then will they respect us.
I would say most fathers want their sons to look up to them and respect them. I know I do. I know my own father did. As I grew up, however, and observed his disrespect for my mother, versus the honor he bestowed on his co-workers and extended family, it became clear that his priorities were outside of our home. His respect was not directed at us.
My wife recently reminded me to stay grounded after I had made a comment about how valuable I thought I was at my company. I was taken aback at first, but the gut check was much needed. We men go into the world every day as though we are trains on our own tracks. If we don’t stop to remember the station we just left, we could lose our own identities. Respecting this essential premise of family life will earn us the kudos no paid job can ever give.
Manners Matter: Part 1 of the Gentlemen in Training series
PC or Not PC: Part 2 of the Gentlemen in Training series
Brotherly Love: Part 3 of the Gentlemen in Training series
Gentleman Up: Part 4 of the Gentlemen in Training series
Pick Your Battles:Part 5 of the Gentlemen in Training series
Ladies and Gentlemen: Part 6 of the Gentlemen in Training series
◊♦◊
Photo by Liane Metzler on Unsplash