Author Jayneen Sanders lists which behaviors are potential warning signs that a child may be being sexually abused… and just as importantly, which ones aren’t.
Normal sexual behavior
Children have a natural curiosity about their bodies and sex. This is normal. If you see any of the following behaviors, try not to react in a negative way. Sexual curiosity is how child learn about their gender. Age appropriate sexual behavior can be as follows:
- Babies, toddlers and young children exploring their genitals and enjoying being naked
- Questions about why boy’s have a penis and girls don’t, i.e. trying to work out the difference between what it is to be male and what it is to be female
- Young children of a similar age showing each other their genitals (particularly children under 7, close in age and who know each other ) in mutual agreement, i.e. no-one is being forced to show each other their body parts
- Playing doctors and nurses and/or mothers and fathers; kissing and/or holding hands with children of a similar age
- Using slang words or ‘rude’ words they have picked up
- As they get older, curious about where they came from; may be giggly and embarrassed about ‘body parts’ discussion
Some general signs that a child (0 to 12 years) may be being sexually abused
Note: one or more of these indicators does not mean your child is being sexually abused, but if they do show some of these indicators, then there is good reason to investigate further.
- Overly interested in theirs or other’s genitals
- Continually wants to touch private parts of other children
- Instigating and/or forcing ‘sex play’ with another child (often younger, more than 3 years age difference)
- Sex play that is not appropriate, i.e. oral genital contact between a 7 year old and a 4 year old
- Sex play with another child happening more than once, despite careful monitoring and discussion about inappropriateness
- Persistent masturbation that does not cease when told to stop
- Sexualized play with dolls or toys
- Sexualized play involving forced penetration of objects vaginally or anally
- Chronic peeping, exposing and obscenities
- Touching or rubbing against the genitals of adults they do not know
- Persistent use of ‘dirty’ words
- Describing sexual acts and sexualized behavior beyond their years
- Strong body odor
- Sores around the mouth
- Bruising or bleeding in the genital area; bruising to breasts, buttocks, lower abdomen or thighs
- Withdrawn and anxious behavior
- Secretive or say they have a ‘special’ secret that they must not tell
- Child or child’s friend telling you about interference directly or indirectly
- Going to bed fully clothed
- Increase in nightmares and sleep disturbances
- Regressive behavior, e.g. a return to bed-wetting or soiling
- Unexplained accumulation of money and gifts
In older children (adolescents)
- Self-destructive behavior such as drug dependency, suicide attempts, self-mutilation
- Eating disorders
- Adolescent pregnancy
- Persistent running away from home
- Withdrawn, angry
- Verbally sexually aggressive obscenities
For further information see:
SECASA resources on age appropriate sexual behaviour at http://www.secasa.com.au
‘Is this Normal?’ published by Family Planning Queensland: http://www.fpq.com.au
‘Caring for Kids’ http://www.nctsn.org/trauma-types/sexual-abuse
Photo—mescon/Flickr
~Graphic/trigger warning~ “Sex play that is not appropriate, i.e. oral genital contact between a 7 year old and a 4 year old” What about 7 and 7? I experienced that as a kid, have no idea why it started. There was touching, oral sex, even penetration a few times. Looking back I realize that it’s probably quite extreme behaviour and it was a group of us kids all about 7 years old, I can’t remember who initiating it but I do remember it was 1 kid that did initiate it the first time. Would that initiator have a high chance… Read more »
What you experienced from this child (in my experience in this area) does not come under ‘normal sexual development’ of a child of this age. This is inappropriate touch. It is highly probable the child who initiated this ‘sex play’ was being abused and was most likely playing out what had or was happening to them. Children of this age, unless they are viewing pornography or are themselves being abused, do not have this advanced knowledge of sexual contact. One of the most confusing emotions for children who experience inappropriate sexual touch, be it from an adult or another child,… Read more »
It’s pretty eye opening to reflect back on previous experiences. I do remember the pleasurable aspect of it which is why we all did it, it got to a point we all enjoyed doing it and asked each other for it then a few months later everything stopped. Thanks for the comment, it’s much appreciated.
Feeling “broken” in a hidden way that other kids don’t has a effect. The early need for secrecy at all and any cost. When you realize that your different due to those early experiences, Fairly heavy drinking and drugs often seem to follow even at precipitously early ages and it seems to leave an indelible mark that other abusers seem to be able read even decades later in adulthood. Turn out its not that normal for 10 year olds to smoke weed/hash/PCP….or for 12 year olds to drop acid.
I feel quite sad for what possibly happened to them. Luckily I wasn’t abused and to me the behaviour at the time we just mutual fun but the only effect I have from it now is feeling bad that the initiator was probably abused.
Archy: you were a kid. Kids are never responsible. Adults are. Now, as in the past, many adults suspect but it is too awful to even imagine that sexual abuse is happening to a child, let alone to their child. The statistics in the US is currently 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday (and that statistic comes only of those reported) 93% will know their perpetrator. I’m afraid there is an epidemic and we only know of it more now as people start to speak out. It is our… Read more »
Yeah it’s disturbing stuff that goes on behind closed doors. Education is needed greatly!
If the kid at the time finds the feeling elicited or act pleasurable, it is that much harder to open up about. Quilt,Shame,Fear…….and the even greater fear of having to openly wear the badge/mark of those secrets. Never again knowing what it is like to be “normal”